Everything Has Changed
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: Kendall Knight thought he knew everything there was to know about his best friend, James Diamond. But after an unexpected breakup, new things and secrets are brought to light. How will these new revelations change things? And will it end up affecting Kendall and James' friendship? *AU, Contains Slash*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! It's around that time for a new story! :P**

 **I've had the idea for this story for a while now, and finally got around to writing it for fun, so here it is! This story will be on the shorter side, but I hope you all enjoy! :)**

* * *

I'd been so blind to so many details of my own life. Things I should have been aware of, things that were right in front of my face for _years_. But one day had blurred into the next until they were a wash of gray. My weeks were filled with work and friends, and so much utter bullshit that I was left sailing through life, riding the status quo…

That is, until everything changed, and suddenly the status quo was a faint memory in the distance.

XxX

The Lower Deck was packed, which wasn't an unusual occurrence for this particular bar, even midweek, but being Friday night, every inch of the place was wall-to-wall crammed.

It was the perfect place to let loose after shift since it was a short walk from the station, and the bartenders tended to forget to run the credit cards for those employed at Firehouse 28.

I'd stopped drinking hours ago, long enough to sober up and drive home. My bed was calling me. It'd been a long week, made longer by unplanned overtime and a couple of shitty calls that I hadn't yet been able to shake.

"C'mon Knight." Jett insisted."You gotta stay for one more." His words slightly slurred as he swayed like a seasick sailor.

I steadied him with both my hands clasped on his shoulders, preventing him from crashing sideways into the girl beside him who wore a sparkly tiara.

"Nah, I'm done. Gonna settle up my tab and head home in a few."

"When'd you get so fucking boring?" He poked his finger into my chest. "You're one of the youngest guys on the team and you act like you're sixty fuckin' years old. So. Goddamn. Boring."

I laughed, pulling his hand away and then catching him as he pitched forward, apparently thrown off balance.

"I'm not old. And I'm not boring. I'm dead-ass tired. While you spent the last block off lounging in your backyard, drinking shitty beer and eating food your poor wife cooked for you, I pulled four overtime shifts."

"Bo-ring."

Before I could snap a comeback at him, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a little before two in the morning and the only people who would call me at this hour were standing in the bar right next to me.

I grabbed for my phone, my sense of urgency pushed into overdrive as I checked the screen. I'd missed it, and from the notifications I could see it hadn't been the only one.

Hurriedly, I tapped Stephanie's name, my heart ratcheting up as I waited for her to answer. She wouldn't be calling this late unless it was an emergency, and my brain immediately launched into the worst case scenario. I'd seen enough of those during my time with the Seattle Fire Department that my mind had plenty of options to pick from.

"Steph?" I yelled, trying to speak over the intense noise of the bar as I dodged people on my way out the door. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay."

I could hear the tears in her voice, the constricted sound made my heart hammer.

"Is it James? What happened?"

There was a pause and then a wrecked sob. "We broke up."

I was immediately relieved no one had been killed or something, but that reprieve was directly followed by bone-deep confusion as her words finally registered. "What?" I couldn't possibly have heard her right. It was loud in the bar, and I couldn't…

That wasn't-

"It's over."

Her words hit me harder than if my rig had plowed into me. There was one constant in my life, one thing that never wavered, and that was James and Stephanie. I'd watched my other friends go through a thousand breakups, hookups, and fleeting relationships, but James and Stephanie weren't like everyone else. Anyone who'd ever met them was counting down the days until they ended up married with little rugrats running around.

"Fuck." I muttered as I grappled for my keys, retrieving them from my pocket without conscious thought. "What happened?"

"You need to talk to James." Her sobbing was softer now, but it did nothing to make her assurances that she was all right any more believable. "I'm gonna stay with my mom for a while. He's at the house, though. Kendall… he needs you."

"I'm already on my way." I'd reached my car by then, and with a swift click, I had it unlocked. James would be in pieces, and I didn't know what he needed, but whatever it was, I'd be there. He and Stephanie had been together since we'd been barely old enough to notice the opposite sex. After almost a decade as a couple, things had just fallen apart.

The ten-minute drive to James' house took six, and then I was letting myself in with my spare key I'd had for as long as they'd lived here. The house was quiet when I entered, the lights off, but even in the darkness, everything looked exactly the same as the last time I'd been there. Both James and Stephanie's shoes sat neatly lined beside the coat rack in the front hall. Photos of them, all black and white, hung on the wall over the table in the hallway. Stephanie's book, open and facedown, was set on the table beside the couch.

I searched for James, and when I came up empty, I headed into the backyard where I found him sitting on his back porch. His shoulders were hunched forward, his legs crossed at the ankles. He stared off into the darkness, and empty glass held loosely in his fingers.

When I walked over to him, he looked up at me, his bloodshot eyes glassy, making the hazel even more vivid. The pain radiating from him was almost palpable. Without a word, I sat down beside him on the weathered gray steps. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Gently, I reached over and took the glass, setting it down next to one of Stephanie's flowerpots.

Sliding my arm around his shoulders, I pulled him in. At first, his muscles were tense and unyielding, but little by little he began to relax into me, his body curving against mine until I could feel him begin to settle in. I rubbed my palm in slow strokes up and down his arm.

"I'm so sorry, James."

For a long time, he didn't say anything. We sat there, him leaning into me as I waited, passing the time until something happened, though what, I wasn't sure. My brain flew in a thousand different directions. Despite the fact that I was witnessing the aftermath, the idea that James and Stephanie had broken up still seemed completely surreal.

I held him tighter, tilting my head to rest on his.

"I'm numb." The words came out barely louder than a whisper and I almost didn't hear them over the sound of the rush of traffic in the distance. "It's over. I can't believe it's over… I can't believe I… It's done, Ken. It's just… over."

Those words echoed what Stephanie had said earlier, but coming from James, they sounded so fucking broken it was all I could do to hold it together. I took a silent breath. Both of us losing it wouldn't do anyone any good.

"I know." I didn't know what else to say. There was nothing _to_ say. Nothing I could tell him, at this point, would help. I'd seen grief like this hundreds of times. At work I'd witnessed the fallout of countless tragedies-people forced to face the worst day of their lives, sometimes with no warning-but never had I ever felt so completely useless.

James lifted his head, still staring straight ahead. "How did you… Did she… Steph called you?"

I nodded.

"She didn't…" James took a deep breath in and raked his hands through his hair. "She didn't tell you what happened?"

It sounded like a question more than a statement. "She told me that you two broke up and that you were here. I got here as fast as I could."

The "thank you" in reply was nearly inaudible.

I stood, pulling James up with me and wrapped my arms around him. I held him to me, one hand buried in his hair. I don't know how long we stayed like that, standing on his porch, time marching past us. It could have been minutes or maybe hours. He clung to me, his face buried against my shoulder, but I couldn't hold him tight enough to stop him from shaking.

I needed to do something more than this, and being here, in this place he'd shared with her for years, definitely wasn't helping. With reluctance, I loosened my grip and took one step back.

He looked at me with red-ringed eyes. "Go get in the car. I'll be there in a second, okay?"

He didn't ask where we were going, just nodded silently and trudged into the house.

I watched him go, then hurried to his room. When I walked in, I looked at the space from a new perspective, through the lens of James' loss. Stephanie's presence was so prominent here-more than anywhere else in the house-that I could almost feel her. The cheerful yellow walls seemed out of place now. Evidence of her was everywhere, and I wondered if it would even be possible for James to extricate himself from the life they'd built together without it imploding completely.

Tucking that thought away, I moved around the room, gathering clothes and toiletries and shoving them into the first suitcase I could find. I'd planned to bring James back to my place to give him a few days away from all the reminders of his life with Stephanie, but the more I turned the idea over in my mind, the less brilliant it seemed.

Sharing a house with two other guys-loud, obnoxious ones at that-meant my place was probably the _last_ place James would want to be. I scrambled to come up an alternate plan. He couldn't stay here.

And then it dawned on me.

I grabbed my phone and shot off a quick text to my grandpa. It was still way too early to call-Bill probably wouldn't be up for a few more hours-but I couldn't imagine a single scenario where he'd say no.

When I got to my car, James was already sitting in the passenger seat, staring out the window. He sat unmoving as I climbed in and started the engine. "You okay to get out of town for a couple of days?"

Finally, he looked over. "I work Tuesday."

There was more than enough time for me to call his boss and arrange for someone to take his shifts. Even if he'd stuck around, he'd be useless at work. "I'll take care of it." I assured him, navigating my car out of the street.

He nodded, blinking slowly as though the act of keeping his head upright was too taxing to manage.

"Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of it." I repeated.

XxX

After grabbing a few days worth of clothes from my place, we headed out, leaving the city lights behind us in exchange for the winding road toward Pine Bluff. All the loose ends of our sudden escape from Seattle could be tied up after we'd gotten some rest. For now, I just wanted to get James away from the city and somewhere he could relax and not have time to think for a while.

I tried to relate to what James was going trough, but I had no frame of reference for that kind of heartbreak. It wasn't that I hadn't been through breakups before-more than my fair share, in fact. I'd been with Jo for a few years, on and off, though it tended to be more off than on, especially lately.

If I was honest with myself, I'd known for a while it probably wasn't going to work out, not in the end, anyway. We didn't have all that much in common anymore, but she was fun to spend time with, at least when we weren't fighting, so whatever her reasons were for being with me, it suited me fine most days. My schedule could be erratic, and I picked up overtime where I could. It was nice to have someone to call at the end of a shift to meet for breakfast or hang out with on my days off.

Our last breakup had been the week before, but I'd barely thought about it since it happened. The first time Jo had dumped me, it had stung a little. Now, it was just routine. In all likelihood, we'd be back together the following week, so it wasn't worth getting worked up over. I was happy either way.

But James wasn't me. He was built differently when it came to the way he approached love. Stephanie had been his one and only. They'd never even had so much as had a fight. Not a real one, anyway. I hadn't, not even for a second, imagined a reality where they wouldn't one day walk down the aisle and pump out a bunch of kids.

I still wasn't totally convinced that outcome was off the table.

This had to be a blip, a little bump in the road, and a few days from now, they'd patch things up and everything would go back to normal. They were meant to be together. Other than me, no one got James like Stephanie did.

Being best friends with a guy for almost two decades forged a kind of love I'd never experienced anywhere else. We were closer than brothers, and now that he was hurting, I'd do whatever I could to take care of him.

XxX

I drove for two hours, James asleep in the passenger's seat next to me, until the morning sunlight peeked over the hills as the car climbed up and over the summit. I was exhausted, but exhaustion was something I knew how to manage. I'd had plenty of practice. I just needed to get us there, and then we could both sleep.

Pulling onto the long winding dirt road that led to Gramps' cabin, I slowed, trying to keep the car steady enough on the uneven driveway so as not to wake James up just yet.

Finally, we were here.

The cabin was set back from the road, down a long, curved driveway. The cabin had been built sometime in the fifties, and the wooden structure had more than held up over time. Even the wraparound porch was still sturdy and level.

I wished the circumstances were different, but I couldn't help the feeling of excitement at being back here again.

After parking close to the cabin, I popped the trunk and grabbed our bags, setting them on the front porch before grappling around the top of the doorframe. Gramps always kept a spare key there. Probably not the most secure, but I was grateful for it now as I unlocked the door and pushed it open. Inside, a fine layer of dust covered every surface, and the air was stale. I wasn't sure how long it had been sitting vacant, but if I had to guess, I'd say more than a year.

As I looked around, memories flooded back. This had been the right decision, I was sure. James and I had spent some of our happiest times in this place, and I knew it would be comforting to him to be somewhere familiar.

Once I'd made the beds and taken care of as much of the dust as I could, I headed back to the car.

James was still asleep, his brunet hair fanned against the window where he leaned his head. Through the windshield, I could see his mouth hung slightly open, and I couldn't help remembering our past trips up here.

I didn't think there'd been a single time James hadn't passed out moments after buckling up. It was as though the white noise from the road had some sort of magical hold over him. Once upon a time, I'd delighted in waking him up in the most horrible ways I could think of. Pulling the door open suddenly so he'd nearly fall out of the car, ice cubes down the front of his shirt, and one year James had worn the word 'dickhead' across his forehead for three days when the marker I'd used to write on him didn't wash off.

It almost felt like a different lifetime.

Now, he looked so peaceful that I hated to wake him up. Sleeping for too long at that angle wasn't doing his neck any favors, though. I leaned over the driver's seat and slid my hand gently along James shoulder to give him a little shake.

"Come on, Jay, wake up. We're here."

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like James and Stephanie have broken up after years of being together. But the question is, what was the cause of the breakup? Any guesses? :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter of this should be up by Wednesday, so you won't have to wait too long for it.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, I was originally going to post this tomorrow, but it's been a long day, and I'm in the mood to post, so...here we are! :P**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Side1ways, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I opened my eyes and blinked hard to focus as I adjusted to the bright sunlight. As I climbed out of the car, I stretched, feeling like I'd been asleep for days. The cabin-Kendall's grandfather's cabin-stood in front of me, sturdy and rustic, like it had suddenly materialized out of my dreams.

I was eleven years old all over again, like I'd woken up to find myself back in 2007, ready to forget my life back in the city and spend the next two months running barefoot and getting into trouble.

In the years since I'd last been here, the wood-slat walls of the cabin had become slightly more weathered and the trees surrounding the house had grown taller and wilder, but the place had remained mostly unchanged. It was secluded. So much so that it almost felt like we were the only people on earth.

"You brought me all the way to Pine Bluff?" My voice was rough from sleep, and my throat felt thick from crying. I coughed quietly, trying to force away the evidence of it.

"I thought it'd be a good place to spend a few days away from home. It was a gut reaction…" He paused as though there was something else he wanted to say but he wasn't sure how to say it.

"It's perfect." I stared at the cabin again, letting the calmness of my nostalgia for this place settle over me.

"Okay. Good. We can go back anytime you want, and they put up a new cell tower out here a couple of years ago, so there's reception now if you wanted to call Stepha-"

"Steph and I are done." I said, shaking my head and avoiding looking at him. Saying it out loud made it so much more real, and all at once an awareness that Kendall would want to know why hit me.

I couldn't tell him. I _couldn't_.

"Okay." He pressed his lips together. "Let's get you inside."

I exhaled, relieved he wasn't going to press the issue any further for now.

Although I'd slept the whole way to Pine Bluff, I could have slept for a thousand hours more. My whole body sagged with exhaustion, and I was slow to move, as though I were wading through molasses. By the time I'd made it halfway to the house, Kendall was already inside. The dusty smell had always lingered for a few hours. He pulled back the curtains, sliding the windows open to get some air flowing through.

I took a step, my legs weak after sitting for so long. I stretched the stiff muscles and took a deep breath in, pulling the scent of pine and earth into my lungs. It felt like the first breath I'd taken since the night before, and some of the aching eased from my chest.

So many things were left uncertain, but this cabin in this tiny spot, and being with Kendall most of all… it was so familiar, I could almost convince myself nothing had changed.

The fucked-up thing was that I hadn't even _meant_ to tell Stephanie.

I hadn't meant to break her heart.

In a single heartbeat of naked honesty, when the lie became too heavy to hold on to, the tight grip I'd kept on the truth had slipped and my world crumbled from the inside out. The look of betrayal on her face had nearly killed me. There was a good chance she hated me, but her hatred had nothing on the hatred I felt for myself.

When I'd tried to hug her, she flinched, her whole body tensing at my touch. That hurt almost as much as the sadness in her eyes as she walked out of the house we'd shared for the last four years.

I didn't know what I'd expected… relief? Closure? Hope?

What I hadn't anticipated was the crushing weight of guilt and loneliness. Of course, I'd known there'd be fallout, but I hadn't expected to feel this broken. Maybe that was naive. Secrets as big as the one I'd carried were kept for a reason, and what good had telling the truth done?

I'd demolished a relationship, and in the process, I'd hurt the person who loved me most in the entire world.

Ultimately, though, I hadn't had a choice.

Hiding who I was for so long had been destroying me, little by little. It had become too much, and the words had flown from my mouth as though someone else had spoken them for me.

 _I'm gay._

I closed my eyes, listening to the soft noises of the forest and gave my heart a few seconds to slow down before I opened my eyes and started toward the cabin.

XxX

Inside, time had had even less of an effect than on the exterior of the house. Everything was just as I remembered it, down to the red plaid blanket tossed over the back of the couch.

"Are you hungry?" Kendall asked, coming to stand next to me.

I shook my head. "Not really. I'm mostly tired."

"You can have whichever room you want." He said gently. "Get some sleep, and I'll wake you in a few hours."

I looked at him, a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude coursing through me until I remembered I'd left town without any notice. "Work... I have to call-"

"I told you. I'll take care of it." Kendall said. "Go rest."

I staggered into the nearest bedroom and collapsed on the bed, not caring that the sheets smelled musty. That mattress was the most comfortable thing I thought I'd ever laid on. I relaxed back into the pillows and closed my eyes.

Kendall was in the other room, his voice muffled through the door as he spoke to someone on the phone. I strained to hear what he was saying, but I was only able to catch a few words before I gave up and rolled over. My head pounded, and my eyes were still gritty, from crying or from fatigue, I wasn't totally sure. All I knew was that I was so grateful for Kendall, whose first instinct was always to sweep in and save the day. He'd been born a knight, both in the literal sense and the figurative. It was encoded into his DNA. It's what made him a great firefighter and the best friend I could ever hope for.

It was also one of the reasons on a list of thousands why I was completely and inescapably in love with him.

There wasn't anything in the world I wanted more than to be with him, and when Kendall touched me, my whole universe snapped into focus at the same instant everything twisted sideways. I'd fallen for him before I'd even known what love was, but he could never, ever know.

My friendship with Kendall was solid, invariable, and he made me feel like I had something to hold on to. The thought of losing him terrified me. I couldn't picture my life without him.

That was my last thought as I eventually gave in to the weariness, my eyes sliding shut and not opening again until Kendall's hands were on me, gently stroking my shoulder. He stood over me, a halo of light around his head from the window behind him, concern etched into the lines between his eyebrows.

"I made food if you're hungry."

I grunted in response and pushed myself up. The last thing I wanted was to eat, my stomach still turning over at the thought, but he looked at me so expectantly and with such heartbreaking care, I couldn't stand to disappoint him. I forced my body to move, pushing my legs out of the blankets and placing my feet on the floor before I got up, my body heavier than I remembered.

"You okay?" Kendall asked, and I knew I'd hear that question a thousand more times in the coming hours. Hell, maybe even days.

I pasted a weak smile on my face. "Yeah. I'm fine."

He grabbed me then, pulling me against him and wrapping his arms around me. Nothing had ever felt as safe as having Kendall hold me, but the proximity made my heart ache with want, the scent of him filling my head with dangerous thoughts.

It was one of the things about my friendship with him I probably would have changed if I could, and yet at the same time, one of the things I loved most. Kendall was tactile. Hardly a day went by that he didn't touch or hug me or stand closer to me than he should. But he didn't experience those touches the same way I did.

I'd lived a lifetime of reminding myself it was platonic, that when he held me against him, it was for comfort, not for love. So many times I'd had to emotionally distance myself from taking any of that comfort, because it was just too real, too raw, and there was only so much I could handle.

But now, I was so tired, so very tired, of maintaining the walls I'd so carefully built. The effort was overwhelming, and for just a brief instant, I let those walls crumble and leaned into him, taking every ounce of comfort he was willing to give and imagining a world where things could be different.

It felt amazing and terrible all at once. He was the one person I wanted but couldn't have, and so I'd have to be happy with the comforting hug of a friend. I'd spent most of my life learning to be satisfied with that, but with the momentary crumbling of defenses came a flood of emotions I had a hard time finding a place for.

I'd lowered my mask with Stephanie, told her the truth about who I was, and it was as though my heart had taken that small scrap of latitude and sprinted for freedom. Now, more than I'd ever experienced before, I felt a simmering desperation to tell Kendall the truth.

Instead, I took a step back and scrubbed my hand down my face, tucking all the wandering thoughts and desires safely back into place, behind the barrier, where they belonged.

After a brief hesitation, he let his hands fall from my shoulders to his sides. "C'mon. You'll feel better once you've eaten."

He led me out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where food was already cooked and waiting for us.

I couldn't count how many meals I'd eaten at that table, my butt planted in the rickety chairs which had somehow survived decades without falling apart. I lowered myself into one, my elbows resting on the small wooden tabletop, and took a sip of water. Kendall brought two plates over and set them down, then took his spot opposite me.

"You look like shit." He cocked a lopsided grin, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You're not winning any beauty contests yourself." I countered, lying through my teeth. Even with a day and a half of stubble growth and his blond hair flopping into his eyes, he was beautiful.

There wasn't anything about Kendall that wasn't. From his height to his bushy eyebrows to his toned body that belonged on the cover of a magazine. But as toned and hard as his body was, his eyes were soft, and they looked at me with overflowing compassion, I wanted to curl into a ball under the table.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked softly.

I shook my head. "Not really."

He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead, he tore his toast in two and took a bite. I watched him for a second, and even though I was anything but hungry, I shoveled scrambled eggs into my mouth, hoping to put this conversation off for as long as possible. I knew Kendall was curious-I would have been too-but I still hadn't figured out what to tell him.

All I knew was that I couldn't tell him the truth. Any of it.

* * *

Night had fallen, the last remaining traces of sunlight fading into the forest. We'd been at the cabin for two days, and so far, James had emerged from his room only long enough to pick at some food a bit before hiding himself away again to sleep.

He looked worse than I'd ever seen him, and I started to worry there was something seriously wrong.

He'd always been the more optimistic of the two of us. It was as though he'd never gotten the memo that the world was a truly awful place sometimes. He carried around this naive innocence, and no matter what shitty hands he'd been dealt, the light in him had never once dimmed.

Until now. This was the first time I'd ever seen that light flicker.

He was withdrawn and drowning in misery, and it scared the absolute shit out of me. Over and over I told myself this wouldn't last forever, that he'd be fine, but it was so fucking hard to sit around and wait for him to break through the darkness. Everything in me screamed I had to do something.

People had different methods of coping, different ways of handling loss, I knew that. But I didn't know James' process, and that gap in my knowledge of his burrowed deep, making me restless and uncomfortable.

This might be a terrible plan, but I was running out of ideas, and so I grabbed my cell phone from the counter and dialed, pacing the kitchen as I waited for Stephanie to pick up.

"Hey. Is this a bad time?" I asked, hearing the noise in the background.

"No, it's okay. My sisters are here, but they're in the kitchen. They came over when they found out James and I…" Her voice was thick like she hadn't yet stopped crying, and for the hundredth time that day, I wondered what could possibly have come between them. They were the perfect couple, and two days earlier, I'd believed nothing could have ever split them up. "They won't leave."

"They love you. I'm sure they just want to help."

"I know, which is why I haven't kicked them out yet, but they haven't given me time to process. They're distracting me, and it's like I've forgotten what happened and then I remember…"

"What _did_ happen, Steph?"

She paused, several beats passing before she spoke. "He hasn't told you?"

"He's hardly said more than three words at a time to me since we got here. Barely come out of his room."

She exhaled.

"He's not handling this all that well." I admitted, unsure how much I should say. Breakups were tough to navigate for typical relationships, but James and Stephanie weren't the typical couple. We'd grown up together, and now it felt like I was forced to pick a side. But Stephanie was my friend as much as James was, even if she and I'd never been quite as close. "How are you doing?"

"I'm… eating my body weight in 'breakup brownies' and watching a lot of Bridget Jones. My sisters have taken over the den with chick flicks and junk food. It's all about the distraction."

"You know you can ask them to leave you alone. Tell them you need your space."

"Have you met them?" She sighed again. "They mean well, and they've been through this more times than I have."

"Well I'm glad you've got someone there with you. I'd be there if-"

"I know. And I know it'll get easier, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Kelsea went over to the house today and grabbed most of my stuff. I'll need to go over there eventually to pack the rest up, but it's a start."

"You're going to stay with your parents for a while?"

"Yeah. Not sure how long. Until my mom drives me nuts or I find an apartment I can afford. Whichever comes first."

I attempted a laugh, but it sounded off, even to my ears. Talking to her was suddenly awkward, and I didn't know what to say.

"Thank you for calling, Kendall. It means a lot that you'd check on me."

"Of course. I wanted to make sure you're doing okay."

"I am."

I laughed softly. "I know that's a lie, but it won't always be."

"No, it's going to take some time before I'm myself again. I think I'm still in shock that it ended."

"It's probably none of my business, but I don't understand why you'd break it off. You guys seemed so happy."

There was a long stretch of silence on the other end of the line, and I wondered if she'd hung up. I knew I might have stepped over the line with that last comment-too much, too soon-but there was no taking it back now.

"James broke up with me. Not the other way around." There was a hardness to her voice that hadn't been there moments ago, and I felt like an asshole.

"What?" I shook my head. That couldn't have been true.

"You'll have to ask him, Kendall. I can't tell you any more than you already know. It's not my place." There was another long period of silence before Stephanie spoke again, and I could tell she'd started crying. "I gotta go."

"Christ, Steph. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine. I really do need to go, though."

She definitely wasn't fine. "Okay."

"Take care of him, okay? Make sure he's okay."

"Yeah. I always do."

"I know."

"Call me if you need anything. You're my friend as much as he is."

"I know that too." She sobbed quietly, just once. "Bye, Kendall."

The line went dead, and I stood there wondering what the hell could have possibly made James do something like this. Had she cheated on him? Had he fallen for someone else? The more I thought about that scenario, the less likely it seemed. James was fiercely loyal, and there wasn't a deceptive bone in him.

But still, I couldn't wrap my head around it. He was absolutely destroyed, and it had been _his_ choice to end it? None of it made any sense at all.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge, then slumped down on the couch as I turned on the TV and found something mindless to watch.

Swearing to myself I wouldn't push him for info, I knew that was a promise that would be difficult to keep. I wanted to understand why he'd done it, what could have possibly driven him to dump Stephanie, and being patient to find out went against every single one of my instincts, but it wasn't what he needed right now. He would fill me in when he was ready.

The sound of James' door opening had me pulling my attention away from the glaring inaccuracies of the show I was watching.

Without a word, he crossed the room and flopped down onto the couch next to me, reached over, and grabbed my beer. With one long pull, he finished the last of it.

"Can't sleep?"

"Nope. We got anything stronger than this?"

"Liquors in the cabinet. Not sure how long it's been there, though."

He shrugged and pushed himself to standing. "Doesn't matter."

I watched him trudge to the kitchen and heard the clinking of bottles as he searched through for something. "You want any?" He called.

"Nope. It's probably all vinegar by now."

He returned a minute later carrying a glass filled almost to the rim with a tawny liquid. "It's not. I tried it out in the kitchen. Besides, I don't think whiskey turns into vinegar...or maybe it does, but not after a couple of years. They keep that shit in barrels for decades."

"Barrels, yes. Half-empty bottles in a random cupboard, no."

"Tastes fine to me." He said, bringing the glass to his lips and chugging back half of it.

Over the next few minutes, I watched him pound back the rest of the glass and then the entire refill. I couldn't decide if this was an improvement on the constant sleeping or not.

Something on TV exploded, but I barely noticed, my eyes trained on James and the way the alcohol had seemed to hit him almost immediately. Which made sense since he hadn't eaten anything.

"What the fuck are you watching, man?" He asked, leaning forward on the couch and squinting at the TV. I grabbed his arm to keep him from falling and pulled him back. He looked at me and laughed, the sound like aloe on a sunburn.

He laughed again and settled in closer to me.

"Did I ever say thank you for bringing me up here?" He asked, his words already starting to slur together a little.

"You did."

"I did. Well, I'm saying it again. I don't think I could've spent another day in that house."

"I got you." I slid my arm around him, and he rested his head on my shoulder. I felt better, holding him like this. I knew it wouldn't fix anything, but it was an improvement on sitting around doing nothing.

"Yep. You got me." He mumbled. "Always have. Ever since the very beginning."

He sat up straight, shifting next to me until he faced me. With exaggerated movements, he shoved one finger against the center of my chest.

"You're my favorite, though, did you know that?" He grinned. "There's nobody better than you, Ken. No one who measures up. Everybody else measures down…" He dropped his hand, his eyes locking with mine, and the levity from ten seconds ago had vanished. "You understand?"

I nodded because what else could I do? There was something serious about his tone, but it wasn't anything that hadn't been said before.

"You're my favorite too."

He shook his head, pushing his finger against my lips to silence me. "Not the same."

I slipped my hand around his wrist and pulled it away. "It _is_ the same." I promised. "You're my brother."

He heaved a heavy sigh and collapsed back against the sofa, facing the TV once more.

"Yep. That's us. _Bros_." He grumbled as he put his feet up on the coffee table, his legs crossed at his ankles. The position seemed relaxed, but I could tell there was a tension in him that hadn't been there before.

I put my arm back around him and pulled him against me. He resisted for half an instant before resting his head back on my shoulder again.

The show had ended at some point, and I hadn't even noticed. The channel now played an infomercial for a wet-dry vacuum.

"You wanna pass me the remote?" I asked, pointing with my free arm to where it sat on the other side of James.

When there was no response, I leaned forward to find he'd fallen asleep.

XxX

The sound of water running pulled me from sleep.

I climbed out of bed and slipped on a pair of sweats before shuffling out to the living room. The shower was still running, so I started the coffee, making it extra strong since James would likely need a pick-me-up. I flopped down on the couch to wait when he emerged from the bathroom, his hair damp and a towel tied tightly around his slim hips.

"Morning." I said, the fact that he'd been awake before me for the first time since we've been here making me hopeful.

He smiled, but his eyes looked tired. "Morning."

"Sleep okay?"

He shrugged. "Maybe? It's too soon to tell. I don't even remember going to bed."

"I carried you."

"You carried me…" He repeated.

"I'm a firefighter. It's what I do."

He crossed the kitchen and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. "Well, thanks. I probably slept better than I would have on that couch." He held up the coffee pot questioningly. "Coffee?"

"Yeah, please."

"I do feel a bit better, though, even with the hangover. The fresh air up here helps, I think."

I nodded. Maybe what he needed was a little bit of normalcy and something to take his mind off Stephanie.

"You up for catching some fish?" I tilted my head toward the back door where outside, only a few feet away, was the lakeshore and the dock we used to jump off as kids.

James grinned, and my spirits lifted.

"We've never caught a damn fish in our lives."

I laughed. "Maybe not, but it's worth a try. I found Gramps' gear in the closer while I was looking for the broom."

He looked down at the towel wrapped around him. "Let me put on something a little more outdoor appropriate and I'll be there in a minute."

I watched him retreat to his room, and while James got dressed, I headed to my own to grab my shorts and an old T-shirt. I was relieved more than anything he'd agreed to spend the day with me, awake, alert, and sober.

It was a good sign.

* * *

 **Done! So, you all got a little bit of insight into the break-up this chapter. There's still more to be revealed, but it's a start, right?**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter of this will probably be up sometime this weekend, and will pick up right around where this one left off.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Do you think we're actually going to catch anything?" I asked, slowly maneuvering myself to a seated position at the end of the dock. My head pounded and there was a decent chance I was still a little drunk.

Half a bottle of whisky on an empty stomach might not have been the best plan, but for a while, I'd felt better. When Kendall put his arm around me, I'd managed to delude myself into believing there was even a remote possibility that one day he'd see me the same way I saw him.

And then the comment about being his brother had snapped everything back into very harsh focus. Suddenly, I was grateful for the alcohol coursing through my bloodstream. Staying in a constant state of inebriation wasn't a permanent solution, though, and sooner or later I'd have to start facing reality.

Kendall sat the gear down, then sat next to me, dangling his bare feet over the edge. "Probably not. But I ran out to the store while you were asleep yesterday, so we have food in the fridge if it doesn't work out."

"It's probably for the best because there's no way we're catching anything."

He nudged me with his shoulder. "Oh, ye of little faith. This is our year. I know it."

It felt so normal, like we were back in 2006 and this was just another summer spent with Kendall's grandfather. There was a part of me that wished it was.

"I should call Stephanie today. Check in on her. Make sure she's okay." I said, my mind skipping over memories of our last night together. I was the world's biggest asshole for springing all my shit on her. She was the innocent bystander in my sexual revolution, and more than anything I wanted to know she would be okay.

"I talked to her last night." Kendall said.

I whipped my head toward him. "Really?"

I don't know why that shocked me. Stephanie was close with Kendall, and he's always been the kind of guy to take care of other people. Even when we'd been little, I'd known that when we grew up, he'd either end up a cop or a firefighter. He'd been born with an innate instinct to protect.

I'd discovered it for the first time in the third grade when this guy had tried to kick me around for being smaller than him. Kendall had stepped in and scared him off, and that had started a tradition of him swooping in to the rescue whenever I'd needed him. By about the eighth grade, people had mostly stopped messing with me, but it hadn't dampened Kendall's drive to defend me whenever the opportunity arose.

I'd both loved and hated it somehow, but now, years later, I understood it was one of his best qualities.

"It wasn't a long conversation… I just wanted to see how she was holding up."

"Is she okay?"

Kendall paused. "I think so. She was crying, but her sisters were there."

"Good." I nodded. "That's good."

"James…"

My heart sank at the tone of his voice, and all I could think was _he knew_.

I forced myself to breathe. If he knew, he wasn't freaking out. And maybe that meant he wouldn't be upset I hadn't told him ages ago. So even though it terrified me, I made myself meet his eyes. "Yeah?"

"She told me you were the one who ended things." Disappointment colored his voice, but all I could do was dread the conversation that was about to happen. There was no stopping it. The inevitability of it had already been determined the instant I'd come out to Stephanie.

"Did she tell you anything else?" My voice was barely more than a whisper now, panic rising up to strangle the sound before I could speak, and I shifted my gaze back to the water, staring at the gentle waves ebbing and flowing between the pilings.

"No. Like I said, it was a short conversation, but Jesus, James. Why didn't you tell me you broke up with her? Or the reason you did it." I could hear the heaviness of the breath he took. "I just… I know it's your relationship, and there are things about you and Stephanie I don't know, but I can't figure out why."

I exhaled. This was it. He wanted to know why I threw away a nine-year relationship with no rationale at all, and with good reason. If the situation had been reversed, I'd want to know too. But ever since it had happened, I'd grappled with what to tell him.

I knew I could play it off with vagueness and half-truths. _I didn't love her the way she loved me_ might have been enough for anyone but Kendall, but that felt like a lie. I could never tell him the whole truth, but the parts that mattered, I needed to come clean with.

Ultimately, I knew what the right thing to do was, but it terrified me. The thought that a simple admission could change the dynamic of our friendship was scary, and all I wanted to do was shut down and go back inside and pretend none of this had ever happened.

Instead, I looked back up at him and took a deep breath.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't wa-"

"I'm gay."

The confession dropped like a bomb in the water, the splash back of the collision soaking us both in shock first, then in a painful silence. Until that very instant, I didn't know if I'd ever seen Kendall as stunned as he was right then. He didn't say anything at first, just stared at me, his eyes searching my face as though he might find answers there.

Finally, he looked away, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of relief and then foreboding.

I clasped my hands together in my lap, waiting, and when the waiting became too much, I set my fishing pole down beside me and stood.

"I'm gonna go-"

"No, James, wait."

But I couldn't handle the painful quiet or the perplexed way he looked at me. I knew he'd have questions. I knew there'd be a thousand different scenarios he'd look back on and see through a different lens, a million things he'd want to know, a trillion questions I didn't even have answers to.

I couldn't do it.

"I just need… I'll be back." I promised.

Before he could protest again, I walked off toward the tree line. My feet carried me over the rugged ground, remembering the way even if I didn't. The pathway I'd taken as a kid had mostly grown over, but I was able to find my way through the pines and firs and hemlocks to the stream that led from the mountains to the lake.

I waded through the river water that was twice as deep-and twice as cold as I remembered-before coming to my spot. It was a corpse of deciduous trees that had somehow taken root in the center of the small clearing of the evergreens, the grouping edging the stream.

My favorite tree was here, the one with the branches that seemed to curve in a way that was made for my body and footholds in the right spots to make climbing up a breeze. I'd spent hours here as a kid, reading and daydreaming on the days when Kendall had slept in or been occupied with other things.

I climbed up, the motion a little foreign after all these years, but soon enough I was sitting, cradled in the crook of branches, just like I used to. It felt like coming home and was a small comfort when I needed it most.

The expression on Kendall's face when I'd told him had seared itself into my brain, and no matter what, I couldn't shake it now. Why the hell had I even said anything? Why couldn't I have lied and left well enough alone?

I had no idea what to do going forward. Running off probably hadn't been the ideal solution, but I couldn't stay there. If I'd been able to get back to the city on my own, I probably would have. All I wanted to do was hole up somewhere and wallow for a few years.

"James?" I looked down from my pity party for one to see Kendal standing below my tree, the bottoms of his shoes soaked through and a look of concern on his face. "Can I come up?"

I stared at him for a moment, my brain too numb to formulate an actual response.

"James?" He repeated.

"Yeah."

He climbed the tree with much more agility than I'd managed, and within a minute he had perched himself on the same branch where I sat.

"How'd you find me?"

"I knew exactly where you'd be. This is your spot." He moved in closer until we were almost touching, and my brain shut down. "I didn't know if I should come after you or give you your space, but I just couldn't leave things like we did, and I figured if you wanted to be left alone, you'd tell me to fuck off."

He was so close to me, close enough that I could feel the heat of his skin against mine. All I could think about was him. I wanted to know what he was thinking, how he felt about what I'd told him… If I'd fucked things up between us for good.

"Do you want me to fuck off?" He asked earnestly.

I shook my head. "You can stay."

He shifted his gaze back to me, and I suddenly didn't know which way was up until Kendall's arms were around me, pulling me closer to him. Maybe it was how tightly he held me, or maybe it was the enormity of the gesture, but I couldn't breathe.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, the words spoken against my shoulder. The angle was awkward, his feet braced against the tree trunk, but he didn't let go, and for all the money in the world I wouldn't have wanted him to.

"I couldn't."

"Christ, James. I'm your best friend. I don't understand why you wouldn't have said something."

"I don't know. Partly because I wasn't ready, I guess. I was scared it would change things… that you'd look at me differently or think of me differently. I knew I would have to end things with Stephanie. I had to let her go, but I was terrified I would lose you too."

He pulled back, the anger rolling off him. "You think I'd leave you over something like this? Or that I'd think less of you for it? That's fucked up, dude."

The tears were starting back up, and I squeezed my eyes shut to keep them in.

"I don't know what I thought. I _still_ don't know what to think."

"How long?" He asked, his voice softening.

"How long have I understood?"

"Yeah."

"A while? Not as long as you'd think, probably. You hear about people who always knew they were different… it wasn't like that for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess I was a late bloomer or just not as self-aware. I don't know. When Stephanie and I got together, I had no idea. I knew kissing her felt kind of weird, but I thought that it was awkward teenage stuff. I thought I'd get over it."

"But you didn't."

No. I _do_ love her, just...in this weird way I can't explain. It's more than friendship. It's deeper than that, you know? But it's not enough. Staying with her… keeping up this lie that we were meant to be together… it wasn't fair to her."

A beat of silence passed before Kendall spoke again. "Is there someone else?"

My heart hammered, my mind immediately launching into another panic that he'd somehow worked it out. I forced myself to breathe, to speak with an even voice when I lied straight to his face. "No. There's no one else."

"So why now? What changed?"

I speared my fingers through my hair, the whole situation more overwhelming than I thought possible. "Nothing changed, and if I'm being honest, I hadn't planned on it being now. I hadn't planned on any of this. It was like I'd made the decision unconsciously and I didn't know I was going to come out until the words were flying out of my mouth." I dropped my hand into my lap and shook my head.

"I don't know if that makes sense at all, but I'd been lying to her-to everyone-for so long, and I couldn't carry that anymore. Kelsea just got married, and our friends are starting to settle down, and I know Steph wants that. She wants a family and the whole deal. I want that for her, too. But it can't be me to give that to her. I couldn't go on lying to her for the rest of our lives. I just couldn't."

I was breathing hard, like I'd run a fucking marathon, and all I could think about was how quiet Kendall was and how he hadn't looked at me in what felt like forever. He was staring off into the distance, and I would have given anything to know what was going through his head.

He said nothing, just stared forward, and the longer we sat in silence, the more anxious I became.

"Ken?" Finally, he turned to look at me, though his movements were slow. "I don't know what you're thinking."

"Neither do I."

"What does that mean?"

He leaned forward, his elbows braced on his knees. "It means that until an hour ago, I thought I knew everything there was to know about you. And now I'm trying to process what you've told me and reconcile that information with the James who has been my best friend forever."

"Oh."

He sat back. "It's a lot to wrap my head around, and you blindsided me, man."

"I didn't know if I should say anything."

"Of course you should have fucking said something, Jay. You should've said something a decade ago. Or two. Or whatever. The minute you had it all worked out, you should have said something. You think I would have judged you? I could have helped you."

"I'm sorry." I said, leaning into him again. He put his arms around me without hesitation, and I blew out a hard breath.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He spoke so adamantly that I couldn't help but believe him. "I hate that you shouldered this on your own all this time. I hate that you worried about telling me."

I wound my fingers together behind his back, the tightness of his hold on me almost enough to push the air from my lungs, or maybe it was the weight of the burden that had been lifted that was making me feel breathless.

For so long I'd done everything I could keep this part of myself from him. It had always seemed like if he'd found out, the world would end, but now he knew and he was still here.

* * *

 _James was gay._

Why the hell had that immediately felt like such a fucking betrayal?

At first, I didn't think I'd heard him right-he couldn't have possibly said what I thought he said-but then the silence lengthened between us, and the look of hurt on his face had hit me right in the chest. I'd still been scrambling to process the information when he'd gotten up and walked away.

And I'd let him go.

I should have gone after him, told him I was his best friend and would love him no matter what, but I'd still been trying to make sense of why my very first response was anger.

Maybe he'd been right not to tell me. Clearly, I hadn't reacted very well to the news. But I hated that he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me. Hated that I wasn't the first one he'd confided in. Hated that he didn't feel safe enough with me to be himself.

God, he'd been pretending, every single moment, for _years_.

The tone in Stephanie's voice the night before-that hint of sympathy-made sense now, and it grated on me. I resented her to knowing first, couldn't stand that she'd had a piece of him I didn't. Which was ridiculous. There were parts of James she'd always had… I mean, she'd been his girlfriend. They'd shared things that James and I never could, but this was different.

I was being an asshole.

This wasn't the time or place for me to have my own crisis. The last thing I should be doing was freaking out. My job was to be there for him. There'd be time to work out my own shit later.

And now here we were, both of us balanced on the wide, curved branch of his favorite tree, my arms around him, his head against my shoulder. It felt right to hold him like that, to let him take whatever comfort he needed from me. I loved being the person who could do that for him.

"We should probably climb down." James said, but his tone was reluctant, and to be honest, I was reluctant too. This was the first time I'd ever been up here with him, and with the gravity of his confession still weighing on me, this felt like a sacred place, even more than the cabin did, and one I wasn't all too anxious to leave.

"Whenever you're ready." I said, but James didn't move. He settled against me, and I held him, listening to the sounds of the forest around us.

We stayed like that a while longer, the seconds dissolving into minutes and then into an hour, when James' stomach rumbled.

"It's probably a good idea if we get some food into your stomach before you starve to death up in this tree."

He huffed a laugh, and I felt everything snap back into place with us again. I should have known things wouldn't stay out of whack for long. James and I had always managed to create an effortless equilibrium, not matter what chaos was happening in our lives.

Without a hint of doubt, I knew it would be that way forever.

XxX

The Alchemist's Alehouse was covered with climbing vines so thick, it was as though the forest was trying to reclaim the decades-old pub. It was only a short walk from the cabin, and one of the only places in the area to eat. Every time we'd driven past, I'd wondered how the place managed to stay open for so long. Most of the nearby properties were only occupied a few weeks a year, but this place had been there for as long as I could remember, and the parking lot was always full.

I grabbed the door handle and hauled it open, waiting for James to step through ahead of me.

Inside, the place was dimly lit, but even from the entranceway, I could see how well the style fit with the forest outside its doors. The walls were constructed with exposed stone, and all the tables seemed to have been made from the same reclaimed wood that covered the the floor.

Back in the day, Gramps had frequented the pub so often that apparently the staff had named a dish after him. When we were kids, it was the one spot in Pine Bluff we weren't allowed to go, and so, of course, it was the one place we wanted to be.

We grabbed a couple of stools at the bar, the bartender taking our order almost before we'd even sat down.

"This live up to your expectations?" I asked, settling into my seat.

"Mostly. With a name like the Alchemist, I'd hoped there'd be more potions and stuff, but I guess I'll have to settle for gin and rum."

"There are worse things to settle for."

He nodded. "After this many years of buildup, I kinda figured we'd come in and it'd be fluorescent lighting and jumble of garage sale finds."

"Like Vern's?"

"Exactly like that." He chuckled. "That place was a shithole, but it still felt like the coolest fucking place we'd ever set foot in."

"Ethan still thinks it is."

My brother's band had played one single gig, and it had been at Vern's. Though James and I had barely turned sixteen, he'd managed to secure some sketchy fake IDs from a guy in his chem class. They would never have passed inspection by anyone who actually gave a shit, but the bouncer at the bar hadn't even bother to check on them.

Ethan had felt like a rock star being up on that stage, and I'd been so damn proud of him. Even though his band sucked and the venue probably had rats in the walls, I couldn't have been more proud and happy for him.

Vern's had been the first bar James and I had ever been in, and we'd sat there, listening to Ethan's set, drinking cheap beer and feeling like rock stars ourselves.

"Maybe one day they'll get the band back together. They can play at your wedding."

"Not sure Jo would go for that."

James went quiet. "You think you two will end up married?"

I set my glass down on the bar. "I don't know. Maybe? Maybe not. I guess I've never given it all that much thought." I paused, half wondering why I'd brought her name up in the first place. "It's the logical progression, I guess, but neither of us is ready for that. Hell, we're not even together right now."

"But you're getting back together." It wasn't a question.

In all the time Jo and I had been dating, James and I had never spent a lot of time discussing my relationship. There wasn't a reason to. Come to think of it, we'd never discussed my love life much, as least not in detail. We'd done the double-dating thing, and Stephanie loved to cook, so I had a standing invitation to crash dinner, but the nitty-gritty of our relationship had been largely left out of the conversation.

It was as though James and I existed separately from that, as though the other people in our lives were inconsequential to our friendship.

I shrugged. "Seems to be the pattern."

"You love her?"

"I don't _not_ love her."

That answer should probably have been a wake-up call for me. Why was I spending my time with someone I had lukewarm feelings for? Because it was easy?

As sad as it was, that was pretty much the only reason I could come up with.

I shrugged again. "I guess I'll see what happens when we get home. I'm not picking out a ring anytime soon, anyway."

He shot me a grin that didn't reach his eyes. "When you do, take your mom with you. You have terrible taste, and I'm more than sure that extends to jewelry."

"I'll take you with me. Aren't the gays supposed to be good at that kind of thing?"

Laughing, he shook his head. "I haven't gotten to that part of the membership training yet."

"There's a course?" I faked surprise.

"Oh, yeah. We're all shipped out to San Francisco, and Neil Patrick Harris leads monthly seminars."

Following such a heavy afternoon, I'd been concerned things might be strained between us, that our conversation might seem forced or fake, but it didn't. This was James. It would take a lot more than him coming out to dent the bulletproof friendship we'd forged.

I knew we'd be okay, that James' fears about telling me had been unfounded, and-my initial reaction aside-the revelation didn't bother me.

Not really.

As the night wore on, I was still processing this new side of him, trying to fit the unveiling of his sexuality in with the picture I'd always carried of him in my mind, and so all I could think about was what he'd said, the words echoing over and over in my mind.

 _I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay._

They played on an endless loop, and every time I looked at him, it was all I could see, as though that knowledge somehow colored him in an alternate light. I knew in time it would fade away, become one of the thousands of details I knew about him, but right now, it was allI could think about.

"What?" He asked, swiveling in his seat to look at me and catching me staring at him.

"Nothing."

He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push, probably because he knew exactly what I'd been thinking about. Without saying anything else, he lifted his glass and all but drained it in one long gulp.

"Bottoms up, Knight."

"You trying to get me drunk?" The joke fell flat, so I followed James' lead, tipping my glass and drinking my beer in pull after pull. It was cool and smooth and just what I needed. "Another?"

"Yeah. Another."

I gestured to the bartender, who replaced our empty glasses with full ones.

"Think my boss is going to give a shit I took a week off with no notice?" James asked.

"When's the last time you took a day off?" I countered.

He shrugged. "It's been a while, I guess."

"I can't even remember it. You deserve a break, and Griffin knows it. When I talked to him, he agreed, no questions asked."

"Did your boss do the same?"

"Not exactly. I switched blocks with a guy on another platoon. I'll probably have to work a few extra shifts when we get back, but it's nice to finally have some time off."

"Not much of a vacation when you're up here trying to fix me, though." He gave a little laugh, but the comment was dripping with self-loathing.

"I'm not an expert on this or anything, but I don't think there's anything that needs fixing."

"Not an expert in what? Breakups? Or sexual-identity crises?"

I grinned. "Both."

James finished off his second beer and set the glass back on the counter. "You've got more experience with breakups than anyone I know."

"It's not the same when the relationship never lasts longer than a couple of months. That's not a breakup. Not really."

"Somehow I doubt Jo would agree."

"You're probably right about that."

The bartender brought us three more rounds, and as I drank mine, I wondered what James' love life would look like from now on. I'd always known him as the monogamous guy, the guy who'd settled down at the age of thirteen and had never looked back. And now, there was a whole new world that had opened up for him.

Would he be the same guy he's always been, just with a Steven rather than a Stephanie? Or would he go a little wilder?

I tried to hold a conversation with James, but I was having a hard time concentrating. I'd had way too much to drink, and I needed to stop letting my mind get carried away. The more I thought about him with another guy, the more uncomfortable I became. The mental image became a barrage of unexpected visuals, and I couldn't seem to make them _stop_. But the more I thought about James like that, the more turned on I became.

It was the most confusing response I'd ever had thinking about sex, and it happened while picturing my best friend.

I imagined him on his knees, his lips stretched over some guy's cock, moaning with how badly he wanted it. I thought about him pinned down and being taken from behind, then naked and sweaty, his limbs wrapped around some guy.

Fuck, I hated that image.

But it wasn't just the thought of James with a guy… it was the thought of him with someone else.

For as long as James and Stephanie had been together, I'd never thought of him like this, never wondered what their sex life was like. James had never divulged many details, and I'd never asked. Maybe it was because I knew now that James wasn't straight, but as hard as I tried to picture him with Stephanie-with any woman, for that matter-I couldn't.

Every picture in my head devolved until it was James and another man.

I stared at him, the erotic imagery still swirling through my brain as I took another swig of my beer, hoping it would clear it away.

It didn't.

In fact, it just made it worse. The picture had changed. Now, I had replaced the faceless guy. It was _me_ he knelt in front of, _me_ he was tangled and sweaty with, and that thought had me almost choking on my drink.

It wasn't the first time I'd had sexual thoughts about a guy. There's been more than once I'd wondered what it would be like, but those thoughts had been shadowy and fleeting. The fascination I was feeling now felt much more concrete. I'd never wanted to find out as badly as I did right then what it would be like to give into that curiosity.

There was a part of me that wished James had never told me he was gay.

That knowledge had changed the way I thought about him, and since we'd arrived at the bar, my brain lubricated with too much beer, every thought I had turned sexual.

The pub was too hot, like someone had cranked the heat and turned all the ovens on at once. I could hardly breathe in the stuffiness.

I pushed my empty glass away and stood. "I'll be right back."

James looked at me, his eyebrows knit together. "I'll be here."

I located the sign for the restroom and made a beeline for it. I needed to clear my head. The beers had already hit me hard-harder than they normally would, and I realized that neither of us had eaten at all since we'd woken up.

Pushing open the door, I walked in to find the room thankfully empty. The lighting in here was brighter, almost too intense after the subdued atmosphere in the rest of the place, and I stood at the sink for a second, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

I didn't look any different, but I sure as fuck _felt_ different.

So fucking different, like I'd been knocked unconscious with a two-by-four and opened my eyes to realize I was someone else entirely. I turned the water on as cold as it would go and splashed some on my face. I was marginally more alert, but my head was still fuzzy, filled with smoky wisps of images-sweaty skin and panting breaths.

No matter what I did, I couldn't shake them.

Drying my face with a rough brown towel, I tried to reassure myself that this was a reaction to the last few days, that my brain got carried away. But it's a lot harder to lie to yourself than it is to lie to someone else, especially since my cock was more than half-hard.

Defeated, I headed back to find James. Before I'd gotten more than ten feet, I could already see that my seat was now occupied. The man was tall, had dark hair, and the way he leaned into James, probably interested. How had James managed to find the guy who was probably the only other gay man in a ten-mile radius? He'd only been out of the fucking closet for five minutes.

I stalked up to them, catching James so absorbed in conversation, it took him a minute to notice me.

"Hey." I said, leaning in, sizing the guy up as I did.

James smiled at me, the lazy grin that told he was as inebriated as I was, but he looked happy and relaxed, whereas I felt wound tighter than a guitar string.

"Kendall, this is Dak. Dak, Kendall."

"Nice to meet you, man." He said, extending his hand to shake.

I regarded him for a second, trying to decide whether or not he was a douchebag as I shook his hand. I decided he most definitely was.

"You too." I said. I grabbed the seat on the other side of James. The music playing wasn't overly loud, but the place was busy considering it was a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. The sound of other people's conversations made it difficult to hear James' words, and even harder to hear Dak's. I leaned in closer.

"Dak just got here this morning. It's his first time in Pine Bluff." James told me before turning back to Dak.

"It is, but I'll definitely be back. I just came here to get out of the city for a few days. I needed some quiet, and living with three roommates doesn't always get me that."

"You're from Seattle?" James asked, a hint of excitement in his voice.

"Not originally. Houston first, but I'm a grad student at UW now. I'm working on my thesis, but not getting much accomplished, I'm afraid. I figured some time up here would give me a chance to work on it away from the distractions at home."

"I graduated from UW not too long ago." James said, that excitement was full-blown now, like thousands and thousands of people didn't attend that school every fucking year.

"No shit." Dak said. "Small world."

"Sure is." The tone of my voice bordered on rude, but I couldn't summon the energy to give a shit. I swiveled in my seat to face James. "You wanna get out of here?"

It was abrupt, and James seemed thrown for a second, but he hesitantly nodded. "Uh, sure." He turned back toward Dak. "It was really nice to meet you. Good luck with your thesis."

"Thanks." Dak said, that friendly smile still plastered on his stupid face.

"Ready?" I asked as I tossed a few bills on the bar and stood.

James nodded, his eyes glassy. "Yeah, let's go."

XxX

The warm night air was cool against my overheated skin. The alcohol rushing through me-probably the alcohol, anyway-raised my temperature until I felt fevered and uncomfortable.

The ground beneath my feet was loamy and soft as I walked, careful not to trip over rocks or rots on the partially overgrown path. We'd had the foresight to walk to the pub in the first place, and now that we were getting closer to the cabin and the welcoming embrace of my bed, I couldn't wait to strip down and climb in.

I had a lot to think about, and right now I was in no condition for deep thought.

We'd never actually gotten around to ordering food, and seven beers was probably four too many. Our abrupt departure from the pub hadn't left any time to order, and that was my fault. I should have gotten myself under control long enough to take care of what he needed before I dealt with my own shit.

And there was a lot of it. I didn't even know where some it had come from. But with James' world in upheaval, the last thing he needed was me adding my own sexual-identity crisis to the mix. Those thoughts were best tucked away until I had the chance to unpack everything.

Alone.

Away from the guy who was currently and unexpectedly playing on the fantasy reel looping through my head.

The pathway opened up at the end, transitioning from forest to lakeshore, and as we neared the small patch of sand and the dock just outside the cabin, James stopped, looking out at the lake. I stood next to him, both of us quiet, taking in the night. The moon shone over the water, the reflection rippling with the gentle waves.

"We should swim." I spoke, my voice hushed, before the thought had fully formed in my head.

I needed to cool down.

I didn't know if it was the heat of the night or the feverish temperature of my skin, but my dick was still half-hard, and the cool water would go a long way to helping me get my body back under control.

James looked at me, his expression earnest and open, and my chest tightened. "Okay."

I could already tell this was a bad idea.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like the truth about James is out there. Well, most of it. And Kendall seems to be having a rather interesting reaction to the news. We also got an appearance from Dak this chapter, who Kendall apparently already isn't fond of. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will be up sometime within the next few days, so hopefully you all won't have to wait too long for it.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Without even a second of hesitation, Kendall stripped out of his clothes. He'd already turned away from me, but my my breath stilled in my chest at the sight of him. The moonlight skated over every edge and plane of him, and I immediately lost the ability to think.

It wasn't the first time I'd seen him naked. In fact, it was a sight I'd experienced so many times I'd lost count, and each time had the same effect on me. Now, though, it was like the power he held over me had been amplified.

Maybe there'd been some alchemy involved after all.

"Are you just gonna stand there all night, or are you coming in?" He didn't wait for a response, just took off for the water. He splashed through the first few feet, then dove in, swimming out a couple of yards before turning back toward me.

I was still standing there in stunned silence. It took me a second, but I managed to summon enough brainpower to slide into action. I reached behind my head and grabbed the collar of my shirt, pulling it over and off. My hands shook as I moved to my shorts next, hyperaware that this was the first time I'd be naked in front of him since…

I began to second-guess myself. I would have given anything to know what he was really thinking. The thousands of times we'd skinny-dipped in this very lake… this should have been just like any other time, but for some reason, this _felt_ different. The air around us hung with the weight of something, I just couldn't figure out what the hell it was.

With a silent breath and as much resoluteness as I could muster, I pushed my shorts down over my hips and stood, doing my damnedest to pretend I wasn't affected by his eyes on me.

Without missing a beat, he grinned, sending a sharp wave of awareness through me. One more breath and then I moved, walking slowly into the lake, one step, then another until the water lapped at my feet, then my ankles. With each measure I took after him, I moved farther out, the water closing around me and cooling my skin.

I was barely waist-deep when Kendall slipped below the water, surfacing a second later to push his wet hair out of his eyes.

"Well?"

I held my breath and let myself fall gently forward, then pushed off and swam toward him.

It was a cleansing experience, the lake washing away my tension with each passing minute. I turned onto my back, lazily moving until I'd reached where Kendall was treading water.

"The water feels good." I said, meaning it more than I could convey. "I don't know why we stopped spending summers here."

"Life got busy, I guess. You had shit going on. I had shit going on. We should try to come up here more often though. I don't think Gramps comes up here much anymore. In fact, I don't even know the last time he was here. The place is pretty much always vacant, I think."

The conversation was light, but the moment was heavy. I swam closer to Kendall until I could feel the rush of water from his kicking beneath the surface.

"We're okay, right?"

He nodded, wiping water from his eyes. "Yeah. We'll always be okay."

XxX

We swam until our muscles were jelly and the water had permeated our bones. We'd pulled our shorts back on but hadn't bothered with our shirts, and now, nearly an hour later, I lay next to Kendall, staring up at the cloudless sky without really focusing on anything. I was too content to examine much besides the way it felt to be next to him. The sun had set a while ago, but the warmth remained, as though the trees had absorbed the heat all day and were now reflecting it back for us.

Neither of us spoke for a long time, and I listened to the sounds around us-the water lapping against the pilings of the dock, the leaves rustling, and the gentle cadence of Kendall's breathing. Twelve hours earlier, my whole world had been in upheaval-parts of it still were-but I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt more at peace than I did right here. It was easy to slip into the delusion that we were the only two people on earth, to let everything else fade away.

"James." Kendall's quiet voice floated over me, barely more than a whisper. I turned my head to look at him, his eyes meeting mine with a seriousness that made my stomach tighten. "I'm sorry."

I turned onto my side, propping my head on my hand. "For what?"

"When you told me you're...I wasn't...I didn't know what to say." He exhaled. "I guess I still don't."

I lay back down and stared at the sky. I'd told Kendall the truth. I'd let that barrier fall, just enough to show him who I really was, and the equilibrium had shifted, ever so slightly. On the surface it seemed like nothing had changed, but I'd felt the distortion nonetheless.

"It's okay. I get it."

He pulled me closer until my head rested on his shoulder. He took my hand and placed it on his chest over his heart. It beat beneath my palm, his skin warm and smooth. I was so desperately in love with him that touching him like this was both overwhelming and painful. Did I allow myself a fragment of a heartbeat to pretend, or did I pull away?

In the end, I didn't have it in me to stop, and so I forced myself to take measured breaths, to tell myself over and over that what I felt wasn't real, that when I opened my eyes, I'd see Kendall look at me as he always had, like a brother. I swore to myself I wouldn't let it crush me.

I'd spent the day stripped so emotionally raw I didn't have the strength to resist the comfort I felt being this close to him. I was vulnerable and fragile. The way his heart beat against my palm, tattooing its rhythm onto my skin, had me clawing desperately inside to hold back the words I could not say.

"You caught me off guard because I never suspected...not even a little. And I hated that."

"That you didn't know?"

"Yeah. That I couldn't tell. That you've been hiding this part of yourself from me and I had no idea. I didn't think there were any secrets between us. I thought I knew every detail of your life, but this fucking blindsided me."

Guilt pierced through me. I'd only told him half of the truth, but the other half… that secret was mine to carry forever. I couldn't tell him. "I worked very hard to hide it. I didn't _want_ you to know."

"It kills me that you thought I'd bail on you." He pulled me tighter against him and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "You've been my best friend since the third grade. Nothing could ever change that."

"You don't know that." I said. "You can't make promises like that when you have no idea what's going to happen a year from now… ten years from now."

"Yeah. I can." He said with so much certainty in his voice that I wanted so hard to believe him. "I hate that you spent so long hiding, and I hate that you've been hurting for so long and I didn't know it. I love you, Jay. I would do anything for you, anything to keep you from hurting."

But that was the thing, that _I love you_ , said with such platonic innocence, tore my heart to shreds. Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and I squinted them shut, trying to keep from crying all over him.

I felt the gentle press of Kendall's lips against my forehead once more, and I turned, burying my face against the curve of his shoulder. It felt so right to let him hold me like this, like the circle of his embrace was powerful enough that nothing else mattered. I got lost in that feeling, hypnotized by the fantasy of it, that without thinking, I kissed him back, a barely there brush of my mouth against his throat.

As Kendall's fingers stroked my hair, I breathed against skin, the steady rhythm of his heart picking up as I kissed him again. I was out of my mind from the sensation of being this close to him. It felt so fucking good that I couldn't think about anything else.

"James…" He murmured, and I pulled back a little, suddenly intensely aware of what I'd done. I tried to shift away, but Kendall held me where I was. We were so close now, our bodies perfectly lined up, our lips almost touching. I couldn't breathe, the weight of anticipation hung over us, suffocating me with its destiny.

And then my heart stopped as Kendall's lips swept against mine, so softly that for an instant I convinced myself I'd imagined it.

I held still, marking time as those few seconds seemed to stretch into days, waiting to see what he would do next.

I was absolutely fucking frozen.

Slowly, he closed the distance between us again, his parting lips meeting mine once more, and I could taste the warmth of his breath as he kissed me for real.

This time, there was not mistaking what this was.

Nothing had made me feel alive like this. It was every fantasy I'd ever had come to life, and maybe I was dreaming-the alcohol-soaked dreams of a desperate man-but it was so goddamn good, that I'd be happy to stay sleeping for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to give this up.

A low rumble came from somewhere in my chest, and Kendall pulled me tighter against him, deepening the kiss. I could taste all of him, feel all of him, and it made me dizzy with an overwhelming need for him.

But just as it became more heated, he pulled back.

We stayed like that for several long seconds, neither one of us speaking as we tried to catch our breaths.

I could read the confusion in his eyes, the worry painted on his face, and my heart fell.

What the hell had I been thinking?

This wasn't him. This was me. Was it possible that, lubricated with enough alcohol, I'd somehow made him pity me hard enough that he'd done this? I sat up and faced the water, resting my elbows on my bent knees. "We should probably go in."

A beat passed, and then another.

"Um...yeah. Probably."

I stood without looking at him and turned toward the cabin, not bothering to wait before heading inside. But Kendall was right behind me. I could hear his footsteps on the soft ground the whole way, and I flinched as the back door closed behind me. There was no escaping how alone we were together, no way to suddenly erase this awkwardness that had never existed between us before.

I was on uneven ground and I didn't know where to go from here, other than to get away from Kendall before I said or did something I truly regretted.

With great reluctance, I faced him and met his eyes. His expression was nearly neutral, but I'd known him long enough to be able to read the concern, even though he tried to mask it.

I steeled myself, forcing my voice to stay even. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

He paused, then nodded. "Okay. Have a good sleep."

Even though there was a good chance I was going to throw up any second, I brushed my teeth, then hid myself away in my bedroom, stripping down and climbing beneath the covers. I pulled them up over my head as though I could hide away from the embarrassment of facing Kendall the next morning.

Fuck.

What the hell was I going to say to him in the sober light of day?

And how the hell was I going to explain away how much I'd wanted that? How turned on I'd been? Damn it, I was still hard. Even through the abject humiliation of realization I was in this alone, the effect Kendall had on me was lasting.

I rested my hand on my stomach, the softness of the sheets slipping against my cock sending little sparks of desire through me. My whole body had been flushed with need moments before, and now here I was, alone in my bed.

Closing my eyes, I let the memory play over again. It was both painful and erotic in equal parts, and though I hated myself for it, I relived the feeling of Kendall's mouth on mine. The taste of him. The heady sensation of his hands in my hair, on my skin. The pounding of his heart had matched the racing of my own.

Pulling the sheets down, I bared my skin to the night air and wrapped my hand around my cock. The tip was already leaking, precome slicking the way as I began to stroke in earnest. I remembered the way Kendall's mouth tasted, the pressure of his lips, the scrape of his stubble against my cheek.

I imagined what would have happened if he hadn't pulled away, if we'd pushed things way past the boundaries right there on the dock. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, letting the wave of pleasure pass over me. I was close… so fucking close…

In the periphery of my consciousness, I heard the bedroom door squeak.

I froze.

Forcing my eyes open, I saw Kendall, his figure nothing more than a shadow in the doorway. Heat filled my cheeks, and I knew without a doubt he could see me. He'd seen what I'd been doing. And I wondered if he knew it was him I thought about when I touched myself.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't move, waiting in limbo as he stood there, his eyes locked on me.

And then he spoke.

"Don't stop."

* * *

What the fuck was I doing?

The truth was, I had no goddamn clue.

On the dock, I'd been lost in kissing him-the act of it so right that it wasn't until that very moment that I'd realized how much had been missing from my life until then. This was James. _My_ James. It's been there all along, right in front of me, and it had clicked into place like the tumblers of a lock. But as soon as the front door of the cabin had closed behind us, the full weight of what I'd done had settled on my shoulders.

I'd kissed my best friend.

My recently out of the closet best friend.

Was I gay? Bi? How the fuck had I not figured this out before now?

I'd retreated to my room like a coward, needing a second to gather my thoughts. Lust and need raced through my body, clouding my head, and as soon as I'd climbed into bed, a sudden clarity came over me.

It didn't fucking matter what label I put on it. No one mattered but him. I wanted him. Nothing had ever felt that good, and he was in the other room, probably as confused as I was.

What the hell was wrong with me that I was hiding from him?

So I'd crept into his room, and the sight of him, splayed across his blankets, his fist wrapped tightly around his cock…

 _Don't stop._

The words had come from my throat so unexpectedly that it took me a second to realize I'd been the one to say them. I didn't know what I was thinking. The only thought that consumed my mind was that if he stopped, it might kill me.

Slowly, hesitantly, he began to move once more, and I stood there, breathless in the doorway, watching him.

He was beautiful, his body bathed in the moonlight, gray shadows shifting across his skin as his hand moved roughly over strainingly hard flesh.

I took a step forward, drawn to him as though his need had created a gravitational force I was powerless to fight.

But that was the thing. I didn't _want_ to fight it.

I wanted to see him like this. It was a side of him I'd never witnessed, like a secret he'd spent his whole life keeping from me. I moved closer, needing to know every part of him.

My eyes flicked to his face. It was slack with pleasure, but his eyes were focused on me, dark and pleading. I stopped then, just out of reach of him, my gaze trained on him as his pace sped up. I was out of my mind with whatever was happening to me, overwhelmed and swamped with desire. There was no time to question this now, and so I shucked any remaining doubts and took one more step toward him.

"James." My voice was low. I reached out and slowly slid my hand across his bare chest the way he'd done to me an hour before. His muscles were tense, the barest trace of sweat covering his skin, but beneath all that was his heart pounding, hard and rapid.

My fingertips trailed over his body, exploring him, seeing him in a way I never had before. His chest heaved as his breathing labored, and his eyes fell shut. I drank in the sight of him, taut and straining, his hand moving in a hypnotic pattern over his cock, twisting a little at each upstroke.

I'd never seen anything so fucking beautiful.

Back arching, he gasped, his cock spilling over his fist, ribbons of come landing on his stomach and covering the back of my hand. It took a minute for him to come back to himself, and I watched pleasure morph into panic and self-awareness dawn as he realized what he'd done.

He tried to draw back.

"Don't." With one knee braced on the mattress, I encircled his wrist with my hand, stopping him from covering up. I wanted to see everything, and the thought of James experiencing even an _ounce_ of shame or embarrassment from this killed me.

I reached for him, sliding my fingers through the pool of come. It was silky and warm and slick as I rubbed it between my fingertips.

I moved my gaze up to James' face, watching him watch me with a look of awe and disbelief, but beneath all of that, beneath the uncertainty and the naked vulnerability, I saw lust simmering there.

I lifted my hand, my fingers coated, and brought them to his mouth. Slowly, I traced his lips, and he opened for me, his tongue darting out, tentatively licking at the pads of my fingertips. His eyes met mine, dark pupils swallowing hazel, and I slipped my fingers into his mouth.

Without an ounce of hesitation, he sucked them, his tongue swirling around, pulling them in deeper. I closed my eyes, and the parallel of his mouth on my fingers to the image my mind created of him sucking my cock was too much.

I pulled my hand away and covered his mouth with mine, shifting until I pinned him down on the bed. I could taste him on his tongue, the flavor of him, and the knowledge that it was his and I was kissing him and he was naked beneath me had me harder than I'd ever been in my life.

I kissed him hard, his stubble scratching against mine. This was nothing like the kiss we'd shared on the dock. This was rough, desperate, _fire_. I couldn't get enough of him, and I needed everything. I pulled away and trailed kisses down his jaw, his throat. I wanted to taste him everywhere.

"Kendall." He gasped as I sucked hard at his neck.

I hummed against his skin in response.

"You don't… you don't have to."

"I want to." I kissed behind his ear, smiling as he shivered. "You feel so goddamn good, Jay. I want this...want you."

I kissed him again, and he whimpered, wriggling beneath me. Bracing my weight on my hands, I angled up enough for James to push my boxers down over my hips. I kicked them off and then pushed the covers down and off him until we were lined up with nothing between us. I rocked against him once, then again, my cock sliding through the remnants of his release, and I could already sense my orgasm, the radiant pleasure of it, playing at the edges.

I couldn't stop touching him, couldn't stop kissing him. I let my hands roam over his body as he moved beneath me, creating this intense friction, and everything centered on us. In that moment, it all seemed so fucking simple.

He sucked at my bottom lip, and sensation washed through me, this intense buildup of heat that washed over me. With a gasp, I came hard, painting his stomach as I ground down against him, riding out my orgasm. Everything faded out for a second, and I collapsed down on top of him panting heavily.

Taking deep breaths, I tried to slow my heart and draw as much of James into my lungs as possible. He had a scent all his own, and mixed with the scent of sex, it was heady. He stroked my back, his fingers tracing my spine in gentle movements. Pressing one last kiss to the damp hair at his temple, I pushed slowly off him and stood.

The look of hurt on his face nearly killed me.

"I'm not going anywhere." I promised, discovering as soon as the words were out of my mouth that I meant them more than any promise I'd ever made to him. I held my hand out for him to take and pulled him to feet, kissing him as I slid my arm around his waist, bowing his body to mine before leading him into the bathroom.

I started the shower and waited for the water to warm before I guided him with me under the spray. I cupped his face and I pushed him backward against the wall, drunk on the feeling. Steam rose around us as we kissed. It was just him and me, and it felt so right.

James broke the kiss, then let his head fall forward against my shoulder. I rubbed gentle circles over his back, in awe that as many time as I'd touch him, I'd never realized what it was like to _touch_ him.

Sliding my hands along his jaw, I tilted his face up to mine.

"Are you okay?" My voice sounded too loud in the enclosed space, even over the rush of water.

He looked at me, eyes searched for a second before he answered. "I think so."

Rubbing my thumbs along his cheeks, I tried to soothe away any of his doubts. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, holding me so tight I could barely breathe.

"This is… Ken, this is-"

"I know."

"I don't want to lose you."

I exhaled against his skin. "I told you before. I'm not going anywhere."

He loosened his grip a little, and I pulled back just far enough to kiss him. I could probably count the number of kisses we'd shared on one hand, but each time felt better than the last. With the girls I'd been with, the kissing had been something in between the first date and the main event-the foreplay was for them, not me-but it felt different with James, like there was significance to it.

Reaching behind him, I turned the water off, and we stepped out, grabbing towels from the stack to wrap around us.

I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. No idea what this was. I'd never seen James like this before, never thought of him this way, but now, when I looked at him, I couldn't figure out how I'd been so fucking blind all these years.

We dried off, and when it came time to get back into bed, there was no question where I wanted to be. I didn't bother giving James a choice, just climbed in with him and pulled his body against mine, spooning myself around him.

I was too tired to question this. There'd be plenty of time to work out what exactly would happen later. For now, all I knew was how good it felt to hold him like this. I wanted the warm press of his skin against mine as I fell asleep.

I breathed him in as I closed my eyes and settled in.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like things are moving forward with Kendall and James! ;)**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I loved hearing your thoughts on the last chapter, and I'm so glad that you all are enjoying this so far! :)**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, I wasn't planning on updating this so soon, but here we are! :P**

 **Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

When I awoke the next morning, the cabin was eerily still, and even before I opened my eyes, I knew I was alone in my room. That horrifyingly sick feeling overtook me, and I buried my face in the pillow.

I'd known there would be heavy consequences from this-I'd known it the second Kendall had kissed me. But it was too late now to take it back. There was nothing I could do but get up and figure out what would happen next.

Reluctantly, I rolled out of bed and stood on unsteady legs. My whole body felt weak, like I hadn't eaten in days. I grabbed a pair of sweats, tightening the band a little bit so they didn't fall down over my hips, and shuffled out into the living room.

The place looked like it had the night before, but everything felt different. Memories had been made here that I could never erase, and as much as I knew they would hurt for a long time, I didn't want to take them back. If one night was all I got with Kendall, I would be grateful because it was one night more than I thought I'd ever have.

The sound of the door opening behind me had me turning toward it to see Kendall walking through, his arms full of paper grocery bags.

"I thought you'd left." I said before by brain had made the connection to my mouth. I was still waking up and not totally all there yet. I suddenly felt vulnerable, standing there naked from the waist up, wearing his clothes, my emotions flayed open at the very sight of him.

He stared at me a second, some unreadable expression on his face. One beat passed, then two, as he stood there looking at me, assessing me.

This awkwardness that suddenly existed between us might have been worse than if he'd actually left. The distance between us felt like miles, and the pressure to do or say something normal, something that would get things back on an even keel, was crushingly heavy.

It was as though I couldn't even remember what our normal was.

Did we pretend the night before hadn't happened? Could we go back to the way things had been before my breakup with Stephanie and before I'd told Kendall who I really was? Was it as simple as ignoring the last few days and picking up where I'd left off with the masks and the barriers and the imagined happiness?

He set the groceries down on the chair near the door and walked over to me. With each step he took, my heart pounded faster.

How the hell was I ever going to pretend everything was normal ever again when his mere proximity to me affected my body in ways I couldn't control? I couldn't look at him without remembering his hands on me.

"I just went to grab a few things from the store." And then he did put his hands on me. Sliding his thumb over the spot on my neck where he'd marked me the night before, he tilted my head, forcing me to meet his eyes. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere."

I exhaled and leaned into him, relief flooding through me.

I didn't know how to navigate this. The single relationship I'd had was built on a lie, built on me going through the motions of what I thought was expected from me. This felt different.

It felt _real_ , and it was terrifying.

"Are you okay?" He's asked me that a thousand times since we'd arrived at the cabin, but this time was different. This time the question was dripping with undertones.

"I don't know."

He nodded and pulled me close to him. I buried my face into his neck and held him tight, not wanting to let go. I had no idea what would happen if I let go.

"What are we doing, Kendall?" It was the second time I'd asked in twenty-four hours. "I've never been so unsure of anything in my life, and you've always been the one person I've never questioned."

"I don't know. I don't know what any of this means, or if we even need to put a name on it. It's like I've been looking at you my whole life with blurry vision, and now I'm seeing you clearly for the first time."

His words made me feel like my chest wasn't wide enough to contain the fullness of my heart, but at the same time, they terrified me. I was terrified this would vanish if I wasn't careful.

Kendall, though, seemed so much surer. He'd never approached life tentatively. He went full-throttle into everything he did, and apparently, this was no exception.

"All I know is that it feels so good to touch you, and I don't want to stop. I wish I had a better answer for you." He paused, His hands going slack. "Are you… do _you_ want to stop?"

I considered it for a minute, thought about what the implications both ways would be. Either way, whether this ended now or a year from now, it would be devastating. I wanted to keep this for as long as I could, consequences be damned.

"No."

He exhaled hard. "Good."

And then his mouth was on mine, foreign and familiar all at once. I gave myself over to him, letting him control the kiss, letting him push me backward, letting him lower me onto the couch. He pressed his body into mine, showing me how much he wanted me. I was drunk with it, desperate to make it last forever.

He kissed me deeply but never hurried. Languid and easy, we made out like we were sixteen again, but this time, I felt the desire that had been lacking for so long. This is what being with someone should feel like. Exciting and comfortable in equal measure.

Kendall shifted, moving until we were lying facing one another. He kissed my forehead and the tip of my nose and then touched his forehead to mine. "You feel so good."

"So do you. This all seems so surreal still, like I'm going to wake up and realize none of this ever happened."

"I could cover you in hickeys so you have proof you didn't make it all up."

I laughed, but I wasn't entirely sure he was joking. He'd already marked me up a little, and deep down, I loved it.

"As long as you make it somewhere no one else but me can see it, you can do whatever you want to me."

He shot me a look, his eyes hooded, and he knocked the breath from my lungs. I'd meant it. My body was his to do with as he pleased. I wanted all of it. Everything.

"I'm gonna feed you first." He grinned at me, and the same expression I'd seen on him a million times now felt like it was just for me. "And then I'm gonna make you sweat."

My stomach flipped as I considered the possibilities.

XxX

"You know, this isn't exactly what I thought you meant by your promise to make me sweat." I grumbled.

Kendall laughed. "Come on. This is going to be great."

"This is _not_ going to be great. This is going to be awful." I kicked a rock out of my way. "They're going to find our bodies years from now, just bones gnawed to shit by wild animals."

"You have so little faith in my navigating ability. I swear the pathway opens up not far from here."

"None of this looks familiar to me at all." I protested.

"Because we haven't been in these woods for a decade. It'll be fine. You gotta have a little confidence in me."

Sure enough, we walked a few more feet and the pathway opened up to the trail that led along the hill overlooking the lake. It was steeper than I remembered, but more peaceful too.

"How the hell did we used to run up here?"

"No idea. Smaller feet back then, I guess. And less fear."

The trail was narrow and cut along the ridge at the top. The hill that descended toward the water was steep and rocky, and with very little room for error on foot placement, it took all my concentration to walk without stumbling.

We stopped at an outcropping of rock near the peak.

"We've been to your place, now we're at mine." Kendall said as he sat, dangling his feet over the ledge. Carefully, I lowered myself to sit next to him, our bodies lined up against each other. I pressed my knee against his and he wrapped his arm behind me.

I leaned into the embrace and looked out over the valley and the lake at the bottom of it. It was beautiful-more beautiful than I remembered-and even though it didn't involve Kendall half-naked on top of me, there was something reverent about being here with him.

"This seems so much higher up than it used to. Shouldn't it seem less terrifying now that we're grown?" I asked, peering over the edge.

Kendall shrugged. "Maybe? I don't know. I don't remember being scared of anything when I was a kid. At least nothing real, anyway."

"Crazed psychos with chainsaws hiding in the woods seem a lot more likely than falling to your death when you're twelve."

"Something like that." He nudged my shoulder with his. "I guess I never saw the danger. I liked being this high up, being able to see the whole valley. It made me feel like I owned this place."

We sat quietly, taking in the view and reflecting on the past.

"Are you looking forward to going home?" I asked, breaking the delicate silence a few minutes later.

"Nope."

His answer surprised me. Even as kids, as much as Kendall had loved to be here in the mountains, he'd always been the first one to climb into the car on the day it was time to leave. He liked the cabin, but his heart was in the city with his friends and his life and his routines.

I'd never felt as strongly about being home as he had, but then again, I'd never had as many people waiting on my return as he did. I'd never quite figured out what he saw in me when we were kids. I was the scrawny nerd, and he was the ever-popular kid who happened to be good at everything, but growing up next door to each other had forged a bond, one I'd been grateful for.

He was my playmate and later, my protector and my best friend.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. This trip up here is different than the ones we took as kids. I see this place differently now. Honestly, I think I could be happy just living up here."

I laughed. "You could not." He opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. "You wouldn't last a month out here. A week, yeah, maybe, but beyond that? You'd be bored out of your skull. There's not enough excitement for you."

"I don't need any more excitement than we've managed in the last few days."

My cheeks heated. "You chose to run into burning buildings for a living. I don't think the quiet, idyllic life is one you'd enjoy for very long."

"Sometimes things change, James. People change."

"Not that much."

"What about you? Do you want to go back?"

I pulled at a long blade of grass, wrapping it around my finger. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm going home _to_. Stephanie said she would clear her stuff out of the house, stay with her parents for a little while, but I honestly don't know where I'm going to end up. I definitely can't afford rent on my own for long, and even if I could, I don't know that I'd want to. I don't think I can stay there, not with how things ended up."

"I get it. I can help you find a place… an apartment or something?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. Everything seems so uncertain. I can't be a barista forever. I've graduated. It's time to move on to… something. I just don't know what." I tossed the blade of grass over the edge and watched it flutter until it landed on an outcropping of rocks a few feet below. "I've been toying with the idea of going back to school…grad school, I mean."

"Yeah?" He paused to consider the idea. "I think you should."

I was such a fucking mess. Everyone else I knew had started checking off their life boxes. Careers or partners or houses… Some of my friends had even started on their 401k's and investment portfolios. I had nothing but student loans on top of student loans, and after having graduated from college a month earlier, I still wasn't completely certain what I wanted to do with my life.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're smart, Jay. Probably smarter than most of your professors, I'd guess. You'd be wasting your talent if you settled for less than you're capable of."

"You're full of shit, but maybe grad school. UW has a good environmental sciences program. But then what? Two more years, maybe four, and then I'll have a doctor in front of my name and still no direction. I'm totally lost with where I want to be with my life."

"You don't need to have everything figured out all at once. There's no requirement that says you need to know exactly what you're doing with the rest of your life by the time you're twenty-two. You've got tons of time to make decisions, and mistakes, and figure out what you want. No one has their shit together at our age."

"You do."

He laughed. "If you think that's true, then you're not paying close enough attention."

* * *

"Is this weird?"

The hammock swung gently as James shifted beside me. The air had cooled as the sun had set, but we'd stayed put. I couldn't count how many hours we'd been out here, and so far, neither of us had bothered to move beyond a slight shift in position.

We were tangled up, our legs intertwined, his head resting against my chest. I stroked my fingers over the curve of his shoulder, and I couldn't think of any place on earth better than this. "I think it's weirder that it's _not_ weird."

"Yeah." He breathed. "I keep waiting for one of us to freak out about this… but other than my mild panic this morning…"

I knew what he meant. I'd had one for two instances of _what the actual fuck is happening right now?_ But overall, I was more upset that we hadn't figured this out sooner. We'd wasted so much time not being together when it could have been like this.

Maybe my existential crisis was on a delay. Maybe there was a freak-out coming, and if so, I'd deal with it then. All I wanted right now was to spend as much time wrapped up in James as I could before we had to leave. I wasn't sure what would happen when we were back in Seattle, but I knew it wasn't going to be like this.

Work and life would intrude, and there'd be days where we probably wouldn't see much of each other. I was dreading it because there was no one on the planet I wanted to spend time with as much as him.

"Can you imagine if we'd figured this out years ago?" I asked, kissing the top of his head.

James chuckled. "All those summer nights spent just you and me in the tent on the beach probably would have looked a little different."

"All the skinny-dipping...running naked through the woods…"

"All the sleepovers bunked in the same bed."

"Would have been a lot easier to get away with than sneaking girls into my room after Mom and Dad were asleep."

James laughed. "I still can't believe they never caught on. I think Hailee spent more nights in your bed than her own the last half of eleventh grade. She was obsessed with you. You were pretty into her too."

"Hailee's got nothing on you."

He levered himself up to look at me. "Oh yeah?" The grin he gave me hit me right in the chest.

"Yep." No one I'd ever been with had ever made me feel like James did. Maybe it was the sheer number of years we'd been friends before anything happened between us. Maybe it was the newness of exploring a previously untouched part of my seuality, or maybe it was just James, but whatever it was, I was consumed with an astounding mixture of happiness and desire and a staggering need to make him feel the same.

I pulled him tighter against me and slipped my hand beneath his shirt. His skin was smooth and warm, and I didn't know if I'd ever enough of touching.

"Kendall."

My name sounded like an invitation, and so I took it, letting my palms graze his flesh, my fingers dipping below his waistband. I covered the curve of his ass with my hands as he tilted his face up to kiss me. The juxtaposition between the softness of his mouth and the scruff of his stubble made my already hard cock throb against the inside of my shorts.

I kissed him harder, my tongue sliding against his, and he let me take everything I wanted from him. There were no barriers. There was no holding back. He was open and eager, and it turned me on so fast I was dizzy with it.

James was mine, and I was his, and all I wanted was show him how much I wanted him.

Without breaking the kiss, I maneuvered him as he gripped at the hem of my shirt, pulling it up. With careful movements, I took mine off, then his, tossing them both somewhere onto the ground. The hammock rocked harder now, but I hardly noticed. I was lost in kissing James again, pulling noises from him that made me delirious with wanting him. His hands were all over me, palms leaving a fevered path as they moved over my back, and I rocked against him, my cock sliding along his hip.

He moaned and it traveled right through me. I loved the noises he made when we were like this, like he couldn't contain the pleasure he felt and it all came spilling out through sound. It was the most erotic thing I'd ever heard.

I pulled back to watch, and reaching between us, I slipped his button free and pushed his shorts down far enough to release his cock. It bounced against his bare stomach, the head glistening in the sunlight with the precome that had already gavered there. I wrapped my hand around him, smiling against his throat as I kissed his neck.

He gasped, arching into my fist as I adjusted my grip and began to stroke. His cock throbbed in my hand, flexing as I moved, twisting a little with each upstroke, just as I'd seen him do the night before. I wanted more than anything to make him feel good, to learn what he liked, learn the things his body responded to.

I was so fucking torn between taking things fast or drawing them out. He teetered on the edge of release, his breath coming fast, his mouth slack as I kissed him, his brain too distracted by the sensations. With my other hand, I reached down, sliding my hand along his ass. I slipped my finger in, against his hole. As I applied a bit of pressure, James cried out, his release spilling over my fist. I gentled both hands, moving slowly, gently, letting him recover. I wanted so badly to push one finger inside, to have his muscles clench around me, but I didn't know if either one of us was ready for that.

I'd spent years figuring out what the fuck I was doing when it came to sex, but this felt like a whole different ball game, and I was way out of my depth. I felt like a virgin all over again. I knew what I liked, and so when I touched James, I tried to mimic those things, but a handjob under the trees was very different than owning him from the inside out.

I wanted him, wanted to do that with him so badly, but on the other hand, there was something about taking it slow, drawing out the anticipation of what was to come.

I kissed him hard, imagining what it would be like when it happened. Only a little of his desperation had been swept away with his orgasm, and he returned my kiss with an eagerness I could almost taste. Sliding my hand, still covered in James' come, into my shorts, it only took two strokes before I came, joining him in the blissed-out afterglow.

James kissed my shoulder, and I let my eyes slide closed, the pine-scented afternoon breeze washing over us as we swayed together. Neither of us spoke. We just relaxed into one another.

I dozed off, slipping into sleep with James wrapped around me. I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt happier than I did, waking up some time later, James still tangled with me in the snug hollow of the hammock.

"Ken?" James asked, his voice soft.

"Yeah?"

"This is good, right?"

"Better than good."

He nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Yeah. Better than good."

* * *

 **Done! So, like many of you predicted, James did freak out a little bit. But, of course, Kendall was there to calm him down. We also got more of Kames, and the topic of what's going to happen when they get back home was brought to attention.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will be up this weekend, so you won't have too long of a wait for that. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Here we are again.**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Shit! Kendall, get over here!" I stared in disbelief at the sight in front of me. "Hurry!"

"What? What is it?" He ran out of the house and down the dock where I stood. "Holy shit."

"Yeah." I tilted the fishing rod up so he could see the fish wriggling at the end of the line.

"You caught one."

"I caught one." I repeated. We'd been at the cabin for five days already, and I'd spent an hour or so every afternoon fishing. So far, I'd caught nothing but a plastic shopping bag and some lake weeds.

"You're amazing!" Kendall said as he grabbed me, lifting me off the ground in a bear hug. "This is perfect. I was about to start on dinner. We'll save the steaks for tomorrow. Tonight, we'll have whatever kind of fish this is."

"Careful." I said, and Kendall set me back down. "It took me almost fifteen minutes to catch a goddamn fish from this lake. I'll be pissed if he gets away." I looked at the little creature squirming on the end of the hook. I hadn't thought this far ahead, and now that I'd actually caught something, I had no idea what to do with it. "What do I do now?"

Reaching out, Kendall grasped the line. "Reel it in a little. I'll grab him."

Kendall removed the hook, and I felt like the king of the fucking world. We'd both tried for years, but as the fish squirmed in his hand, flopping desperately around, images of the time Stephanie's niece made us watch Finding Nemo three times in a row flashed in my head. That scene with the fish gasping for breath on the dental tray suck out in my brain, and before I could think too hard about it, I grabbed the fish from Kendall's hands and tossed it gently back into the lake.

He laughed. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me, man."

I shrugged. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it. 'Fish are friends, not food.'"

Kendall laughed again. "You're insane. Well, steak it is, I guess."

"Steak's better anyway."

He shook his head as he turned for the house. "Come on, then. You can help me cook."

I grabbed the fishing rod and box and followed him inside.

He was already in the kitchen by the time I got inside, pulling ingredients out of the fridge and arranging them on the counter. I stood almost dumbfounded in the doorway, watching him for a minute. He moved through the room with an easiness that came from years of familiarity with the space.

Kendall had always been a better cook than almost anyone I knew, and since he'd been hired with the fire department, he'd only gotten better. Nights cooking for large groups of people made him expertly skilled, and my stomach rumbled thinking about him feeding me.

"Are you gonna stand there staring all night, or are you gonna help?"

I stashed the fishing supplies in the closet and joined him. I stood behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, my fingers splayed across his stomach, and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "What are we making?"

"We're gonna starve if you're planning on groping me while I'm trying to cook."

"That's what you get for cooking shirtless. Do you really expect me to keep my hands off?"

"Good point." He turned in my arms and tore my shirt off over my head before walking me backward, pressing me up against the fridge.

"Cold." I hissed.

"I can fix that." His hand bracketed my cheeks as he leaned in to kiss me. I opened for him, letting him take what he wanted. Nobody made me feel this alive, this desperate. Everything felt new, like this was the first time I'd been kissed or touched. I couldn't get enough. He'd made me come more times than I could count, but there was still so much we hadn't tried.

He moaned into my mouth, his hands pinning me hard against the smooth metal, and I whimpered when his cock slid against mine through the fabric of our shorts.

Breaking the kiss, he tilted my head to the side, sucking and licking along my neck. "Can't fucking stop touching you." He murmured against my skin, a wave of heat rolling through me.

"Don't have to." I managed, pulling him tighter against me and grinding my hips against his.

Since the first night we spent together, we'd been all over each other, exploring and touching, and I was wearing so many of Kendall's marks, there wasn't a body part left he hadn't branded.

Stubble burn was becoming a real problem, but one I was happy to ignore. Nothing mattered but being with him, and when he dropped to his knees in front of me, my heart stopped.

"Kendall…"

"Quiet." He said, unbuttoning my shorts and sliding them down, letting them pool at my ankles. "And don't move."

I couldn't move if I'd tried. I was frozen in place, my body locked in stone. It was a fantasy that had played out so many times in my head that I wasn't even sure it was real until Kendall's breath huffed against the oversensitized skin of my erection.

He hesitated, pausing a beat too long.

"Kendall…" I exhaled hard. "You don't have to."

"I told you to be quiet." He looked at me, one eyebrow quirked and and a smile playing at his lips, but underneath that, I could see he was nervous.

I carded my fingers gently through his hair, and for a split second, his smile faltered. "And I told you that you don't have to."

He blinked slowly and the grin was back before he reached forward and took my cock into his mouth.

I hissed at the sensation of it, warmth and wetness surrounding me unexpectedly, and my head fell back against the fridge. I only paused for a second before looking down again. I didn't want to miss a second of this-wanted to sear the sight of my best friend sucking my dick into my brain to keep forever.

Kendall swirled his tongue around the head, sucking hard enough for me to really feel it before bending forward and taking almost all of me.

Just as abruptly, he pulled back, gagging.

"Ken-"

"For the love of Christ, Jay, I'm okay." His tone was colored by frustration, and when he caught my eyes with his, he softened. "I want to do this for you. I just don't know…" He shook his head, and with renewed determination, he gripped the base of my shaft and slowly took me into his mouth again.

Kendall's uncertainty tempered the buildup, teasing me with the languidness of his movements. My body wanted to surge forward, to bury my cock down the back of his throat, to paint his tongue with my release, but my mind wanted to draw this out forever, to make it last for hours.

Even as the thought filled my brain, I knew there was no way that would happen. No matter how slow Kendall took this, the knowledge alone that he was the one doing this for me, that it was him wanting to make me feel as good as I did, it was too much. That knowledge alone was enough to push me right to the edge almost the moment he touched me.

I held back for as long as I could, my fingers wound loosely in his hair as he bobbed with intention, until it all became too much. The pleasure was too overwhelming, and I gave in, unable to hold my orgasm back any longer.

In a flash it hit, and Kendall stilled, swallowing everything I gave him before he pulled back and stood, taking my mouth in a hard kiss. I moaned, still so turned on it hurt. Grabbing his shoulders, I turned him, pinning him to the fridge this time.

But when I made a move to sink to my knees, he pulled me back up and kissed me again. "Later." He said, sending shivers through me. "I have plans for you after dinner."

* * *

"You'd make a great caveman, you know." James said, hands on his hips, observing as I bent over the light the kindling.

"Caveman, huh?" He grinned at me, one eyebrow cocked, and the second I moved toward him, he took off running. I sprinted after him, my feet falling hard on soft sand, but I caught up to him in no time. Grabbing him, I spun him around and threw him over my shoulder in the fireman's carry I'd performed a thousand times at work. "I think you're right. I'd make an excellent caveman."

"You've got the carry down to an art. You gonna drag me back to your cave? Except I don't think cavemen had access to lighter fluid and BIC lighters."

I carried him back and set him down on the sand, holding him for a second longer than I needed to. "Give me a little credit. I'm an incendiary professional. I could light a fire with anything."

James rolled his eyes, and I laughed. It felt so good to be with him like this, just the two of us, no pressure, no worries, building a bonfire on the edge of the lake. We'd hauled a couple of driftwood logs over to sit on, and the fire was already starting to blaze beneath the metal grill James had placed over it for cooking. The sun would be down in a few minutes, and all in all, it was the perfect ending to the perfect ending to the perfect day.

"You wanna grab the food from inside and I'll get set up?"

"Sure. Be right back."

I watched him as he walked toward the house, his shorts slung low enough on his hips that I could see the curve of his ass as he walked. It was a fucking beautiful sight, and I wondered how I'd ever missed seeing it before. All those months we'd spent up here-and hell, even back home-and I'd never fully appreciated him.

He bounded back down the steps a minute later, everything we'd need for our cookout balanced in a mixing bowl.

"I think I got everything." James said, setting the bowl down."What do you need me to do?"

I pressed a kiss to his mouth. "Sit and look pretty. You already fucked up our chances of eating fresh fish for dinner. I'm not gonna let you fuck up our chances at steak."

"You think I'd throw it off the dock?" He teased.

"Who knows what you'd do?"

He rolled his eyes at me but sat, perching himself where I could see him on one of the logs. I set about to cooking, only partially distracted by him watching me.

I'd never noticed before the way he did that, or maybe he'd always held himself in check around me, but now, James' eyes on me had my cock twitching in my shorts. His gaze alone was enough to set my skin on fire.

When dinner was ready, we dished up and sat in silence, letting the sounds of the forest do the talking as we ate. There was nothing quite like a meal outside, especially one that had been cooked over an open flame.

Nothing beat this, and I knew the second we got back to the city, I'd miss this place.

"Done?" James asked, eyeing my plate.

"Yeah, thanks." He took mine and piled it with his, then tossed both paper plates into the fire.

"Time for s'mores?"

"You're still hungry?"

He shook his head. "You don't have to be hungry to eat s'mores. You'd think this was your first campfire."

I laughed. "You're right. S'mores sound good."

"Great. You gotta make them, though. They taste better when you do it." James grinned and stood, grabbing one of the roasting sticks where we'd leaned them against the logs.

"Stanley, no!"

The words echoed over the lake, and seconds later, a giant ball of fur came bounding across the sand, sliding to a stop with his nose firmly planted in the bag of marshmallows. Before I could figure out what kind of dog I was looking at, his owner was right there, grabbing him by the collar and gently pulling him out of the food.

"Sorry." He said, panting a little. "Stanley's getting up there in years, but his sense of smell hasn't deteriorated a bit." He looked between us, and recognition dawned over me the same time it did him, apparently. "You're the guys from the pub the other night. James? And Kendall?"

"Oh, hey." James said. "Good memory." He grabbed the marshmallows and hid them behind his back before grabbing the box of graham crackers. "Can I give him one of these? Probably a little better for him than the marshmallows."

"Sure, go for it. He'll be your best friend for life."

I resisted the urge to assert that _I_ was James' best friend for life. It was ridiculous and stupid that I was annoyed this guy was back. I'd blame the feelings on the alcohol if there had been any, but I only had my own ridiculous psychology to blame for this. It made no sense, but I felt threatened by him, and all I wanted was him gone so James and I could spend the evening alone together.

"You wanna sit? Kendall makes a mean s'more."

James shuffled over, and to my dismay, Dak took him up on his invitation, perching himself down right next to James on the log.

"Well, I've never been one to turn down a s'more."

Begrudgingly, I grabbed the stick from James and pierced the end through the marshmallow, in my head imagining it was Dak's testicle. The flames had mostly died down on the fire, and the embers at the bottom were the perfect spot to roast.

"How's your thesis coming along?" James asked.

Dak shrugged. "Not that great. It might be too quiet out here to get anything done. Stanley's been enjoying himself. I have too, I guess. It's a nice break away from everything, and I've got some time to finish it, so I'm not stressing too hard yet."

"You like grad school?"

Dak laughed. "Sometimes. Sometimes I think I was an idiot for ever deciding to do this at all, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. I'm throwing around the idea of become a professor, and without an advanced degree, there's no way in hell that's happening."

James nodded. "I've been thinking of going back to school. I don't have a clear picture of what I want to do yet, though."

"You could do anything." I told him, holding the perfectly roasted marshmallow over to him so he could sandwich it between the graham crackers and the chocolate. "You're the smartest person I've ever met."

Dak smiled and looked between us, then took the s'more James offered him. "You know, he's pretty convincing. And if you do want to explore your options, the advisors are a great place to start. Or you could pick my brain. I'm always up for a little academic discussion." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to James. "Put your number in there and I'll give you a call sometime next week. We can set something up if you want."

"That'd be great." I watched as James put his phone number into this strange guy's phone and hand it back to him. I wanted to toss it in the lake.

Dak stood and brushed the crumbs off his legs. "I'll leave you guys to it. Stanley's sense of smell might be perfect, but his eyesight isn't what it used to be. I should get him back before it gets too dark."

"Marshmallow for the road?" James asked, holding out the bag.

Dak waved it off with a smile. "No, thanks, though. It was nice running into you guys again."

"You too." James said, and Dak gave one last wave goodbye before he and Stanley set off down the beach.

"That was nice of him." James said once Dak and Stanley were out of view.

"Yeah, a little _too_ nice. Who goes out of their way to help out a perfect stranger for no reason?"

"Uh, you do."

I looked sideways at him. "Technically, I get paid to do that."

"Oh, please. You'd do it anyway, even if there wasn't a paycheck at the end of the week." He said as he shifted closer.

"You want me to add another log, or do you wanna go in soon?"

He took a deep breath in and let his head fall to the side. "I don't know. Both?"

I looked at the fire, the coals smoldering in the center of the pit I'd dug. "I'll grab a blanket, and we can sit a little while longer."

"Yeah. That sounds good."

There were still two days before we had to head home, but I could already feel the brevity of our time left hanging over my head.

I bounded up the back steps and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch. It was the same blanket we'd used to build pillow forts when we were eleven, the same one we'd sat on while we watched Gramps set fireworks off over the lake on the Fourth of July. I carried it back to the fire, shaking it out as I got close and wrapping it around James and me as I took my place next to him.

It wasn't cold, but there was something comforting about being wrapped up with him like this.

"I still can't believe you gave that guy your number." I said, staring off into the distance to where I imagined Dak was sitting right now pining for James.

"Why? He was being nice."

"He was not being nice. You've been out of the game a long time. Actually, you were never really in the game, so maybe you don't know how this works, but that guy was making a pass at you."

James barked out a laugh. "He was not 'making a pass' at me."

"Oh, that guy was one hundred percent making a pass at you. You couldn't see it because you're so innocent and naive, but it happened."

"He's probably not even gay, and even if he was, I'm not interested."

I wanted so badly to ask why, to hear him say that he was only interested in me, that I was the only guy he ever wanted to be with, but I stopped myself.

"Know what I _did_ see, though?" James asked.

"What's that?"

"You acting like a jealous asshole."

I feigned shock because I was so fucking jealous I was ready to rip that guy's head clean off his body and chuck it in the lake.

"You're so full of shit." James said, knocking his shoulder with mine. "But you know what? I kinda liked it."

I grinned at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I pulled him closer. "Then I can tell you that I don't want him touching you. Only me. I wanna be the only guy who knows what it's like to kiss you."

James smiled, looking happier than I thought I'd ever seen him, and that look went straight through me. It pierced my heart, imprinting itself on my soul, and I didn't think I'd ever forget what he looked like right then.

Turning his body toward me, he wound his arms around my neck, hitched one knee up over my hip, and kissed me. I could taste the sweetness of the marshmallows and chocolate from earlier, still on his breath.

"I think the fire's died down enough now." His voice was quiet, rough. "Let's go to bed."

My heart hammered as I led him into the house.

* * *

 **Done! So, we got more of Kames this chapter as their time at the cabin begins to come to an end. We also got another appearance from Dak, who many of you guessed would show up again.  
**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'm so glad that you all enjoyed last chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed this one as well!**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello everyone! It's around that time for another update!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and winterschild11 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The door closed behind us, and then it was just me and Kendall inside. It had been just us all week, but now something powerful crackled in between us. We both knew what would happen next. I'd been waiting for this moment all day… all week… my whole fucking life.

I wanted this more than I'd wanted anything, ever, but the thought of going through with it, of letting Kendall have all of me this way, fucking terrified me. There was no taking this back. We'd already crossed a thousand lines since that first night, but this line was one there was no uncrossing.

I was frozen in the doorway, my breath still in my chest until Kendall took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He pulled me into his arms just inside the threshold and kissed me so slowly my heart ached. The smoke from the fire and the sharp scent of pine was still buried in his skin, and I knew I'd never be able to smell either without remembering this moment.

"You're shaking." He said, the words spoken almost against my lips.

My hands drifted over Kendall's chest. "I'm okay."

"We don't have to-"

"I want to. I want this more than you could possibly know."

"Me too." His eyes locked with mine, and the sincerity of that statement knocked the breath from my lungs. I reached down and lifted my shirt over my head. It felt like everything moved in slow motion as Kendall reached for me, unbuttoning my shorts and pushing them to the floor.

My hands shook as I did the same for him, fumbling briefly to get the zipper down, but within seconds we were both standing in the center of the room, naked in the moonlight. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but I bit my tongue, forcing myself to keep the words in. This was new to him. I had loved him for a lifetime, but in Kendall's eyes, whatever was happening between us was only a few days old.

"Jay…" He started, his voice gravelly as he reached for me. "You're so fucking beautiful, you know that? I don't know how I went so long without noticing how goddamn beautiful you are."

His words sent a wave of heat through me, and I knew my skin was flushed, but then his mouth covered mine and just like that, all thoughts fled. I let my eyes fall shut and the sensations of being close to him take over. With my arms securely around his neck, he slid his hands beneath my thighs, lifting me and wrapping my legs around his waist, never breaking the kiss.

The hard ridge of my erection pressed against his stomach as he carried me back toward the bed, and with one fluid motion, he set me down and covered my body with his. The weight of him on me was so perfect I almost could have died happy right there, at least until he rocked his hips slowly forward.

"Oh God, Kendall." I almost didn't recognize the sound of my own voice. It was drugged with lust and rough with need.

"I got you." He said, repeating the movement, his own groans matching mine.

"We're really going to…" There was still a small fragment of me that believed this might all be some sort of vivid, desperation-induced dream.

"God, James. Yeah. I want you… so fucking much it hurts. I don't understand how this happened, what changed, or how it did, but Christ, I'm so fucking addicted to you." Kendall brushed his lips over mine. The gesture was tender, reassuring, but soon the tentativeness vanished, and there was nothing but all-consuming heat surrounding us.

The way Kendall moved over me had me turned inside out. I was already close to the edge.

"Kendall." I begged him, my hands fisting in his hair as he continued to rock against me, his cock sliding along the crease of my ass, mine trapped between our stomachs. It was enough to send me over, but I didn't want to come yet. I wasn't ready.

Sucking hard at the curve of my shoulder, he shifted, the head of his cock sliding against my hole, grazing the sensitive flesh. I bit my lip, holding back the cry of pleasure that threatened to escape. "Ken." I begged again.

He exhaled hard and moved, stretching his body over me to grab something from the bedside table.

"Please don't tell me that's been here all these years." I said, nervous laughter bubbling out of me before I could stop it.

Kendall smiled, and I could tell he was just as edgy as I was, though from nerves or pent-up sexual tension, I wasn't sure. "I picked stuff up while I was at the store… I didn't know if-"

"Ever the Boy Scout."

"You know better than anyone I've never been a Scout."

"Close enough." I told him.

There was a lightness in his eyes that simmered into pure heat as he opened up the small bottle of lube and coated his fingers. I opened my legs, bending my knees a little and pulling them back, enough that Kendall had access to the part of me no one but me had ever touched.

I felt vulnerable like this, flayed open for him to see, all of me laid bare.

"So goddamn beautiful." He muttered as he leaned forward, bracing himself on one arm and reaching down to slick the lube over my entrance.

I gasped, the feeling of him touching me there almost too much.

"You okay?" His eyebrows were knit together in concern, and he'd stopped moving.

I nodded. "Just cold."

He arched forward, pressing feather-light kisses across my stomach and chest. His fingers were moving again, circling, massaging, and I did my best to relax into him. It felt good, so fucking good, and strange at the same time, but the longer he stroked against me, the more desperate I felt, the heat and urgency rising, spreading through my body until I was arching back.

I splintered into a thousand pieces under the pleasure of his touch when he finally increased the pressure enough to slide one finger inside me.

"Shit." Kendall hissed. "You're so fucking tight, Jay."

I grunted, too overcome with the sensation of being stretched to speak, and then Kendall moved. It was slight. To anyone else, it might have been indistinguishable. But to me, each fraction of a millimeter set sparks of pleasure dancing through my body. Desire buzzed beneath my skin, and my desperation peaked.

"I need to feel you." It took everything in me to form the words, but I needed him to know.

Withdrawing his fingers with more care than I thought possible, he moved, slipping the condom on before settling between my legs, his body cradled by mine. The blunt head of his erection pressed against my hole, and I held my breath, waiting for the breach when Kendall's body would be joined with mine. But it never came. Seconds passed, but Kendall held perfectly still.

My heart beat in my ears, but as he stayed there, unmoving, a small niggle of doubt began to form within my chest.

"Hey." I murmured.

His eyes met mine in the dim light of the room, and I could see the hesitancy.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not gonna hurt me." I assured him. "I trust you. Just go slow."

He nodded once, more to assure himself than me, I thought, then slowly pushed in.

I let out a sharp gasp at the intrusion, my body on fire and all of it centered around the intense burn where Kendall and I met. I couldn't breath, the pain sharp and intense, and Kendall immediately froze.

I forced my lungs to draw air in, forced my body to relax, and before the pain became too much, it began to transform into something else, something I couldn't have described if I'd tried.

Tightening my legs around Kendall, I controlled the depth of his thrust, pulling him farther into me, inch by inch, until his hips rested against mine, his cock all the way inside me.

The burn was there, still vivid, and yet the way it was colored by pleasure made my whole body light up like there were fucking fireworks in the room.

Kendall's head fell forward against the curve of my shoulder.

"Ah, fuck." Kendall moaned as I tensed my body around him, clamping down and making every muscle in his body tense. "God, James, I'm inside you. It feels…"

"I know." I gasped, overcome with the intensity of the knowledge that Kendall and I were joined in the most intimate way possible.

This was going to kill me. This was absolutely going to end my life, but I didn't care. I'd wanted this for too long, and whatever happened at the end of all of it, it'd be worth it to have this, even for a little while.

"Jay…" Kendall ground out. "Tell me what you need."

"You… gotta move. I wanna feel…"

Kendall pulled back, then pushed slowly forward, deep enough to bottom out inside me. Three strokes in, and I felt like I would explode. My whole fucking world had been turned upside down.

Over and over Kendall rocked into me, each time pushing me higher, closer toward the edge. I was ready to leap from it, jump into the unknown, as long as Kendall was the one jumping with me. He shifted positions, hitting something inside me that made my back arch and my eyes roll back as he reached between us and fisted my cock.

All it took was two strokes and it was all over. I cried out his name as my orgasm barreled into me, hurtling pleasure through me as I shot come all over my stomach. Kendall's rhythm faltered, and he thrust deep, his whole body going taut as he came, deep inside me.

He collapsed and I held him close, my hands tracing lazy patterns on his back as he caught his breath. I wanted to stay like this forever, to keep reality out of the fantasy life we'd built inside the walls of the cabin.

After several long minutes, though, Kendall carefully pulled out. After disposing of the condom, he wiped us both down with one of the T-shirts we'd tossed into the corner, then climbed into bed beside me.

"Are you okay?"

Each of the thousand times he'd asked me that since we'd gotten to Pine Bluff, it had taken on a different meaning.

"Yeah, I'm good." I said, grinning at him, partly to prove I meant it and partly because I couldn't fucking stop.

"I meant… are you sore?"

"I know what you meant. I'm a little tender, but fine. Good, in fact." I paused, considering my next few words. "I like that I am, that I can still feel what we did."

He smiled at me, like that had been the exact right thing to say, and pulled me closer. Pressing a kiss to my temple, he settled beside me and pulled the covers over us. I fell asleep moments later to the sound of Kendall's soft, even breathing.

* * *

"Is the water colder today, or am I imagining things?" James asked as he swam toward the dock and pulled himself up and out of the lake. I watched the water cascading from his body.

"You're a wimp."

"I'm not the one who cried after doing a belly flop off his dock."

I swam closer and splashed him, but the spray only made it as high as his knees. "I was eleven, you asshat."

He backed up three or four paces, then took a running leap from the dock, jumping over my head and cannonballing in, sending a wave over me. I wiped the water from my eyes, then swam toward the spot where James had gone in. He surfaced a minute later, and I pulled him to me, kissing him hard before leveraging all my weight onto his shoulders to push him back under.

I held my breath, waiting for him to pull me under like he used to when we were kids, but instead when his hands wrapped around my legs, it wasn't to submerge me. Warmth surrounded my cock as he took me into his mouth, and I almost sank right there, forgetting for a minute to tread water with my arms.

"Jesus, James." I gasped, but as quickly as he'd started, he pulled off and resurfaced.

"No way I can hold my breath long enough to do that properly." He said with a wicked glint in his eye.

"No way I could keep my head above the surface with my dick in your mouth, either."

"Guess that means it's time to get out of the lake."

"Guess so."

We raced for the dock, James beating me there by a few seconds. He pulled himself up, then extended a hand to help me out. Wrapping my fingers around his wrist, I tugged hard, yanking him back into the water and climbing out before he could grab me. Without looking back, I took off running toward the cabin, bounding up the stairs and inside with James hot on my heels.

XxX

"Coffee just finished brewing. You want a cup?" James asked, poking his head through the doorway.

Swimming in the sun-not to mention the activities that had followed-were enough to wipe my energy completely. Orgasms and naps seemed to go hand in hand the last few days, and so James and I had collapsed into sleep, tangled in each other, the scent of the mountains soaked into our skin.

I was barely awake, but seeing his face first thing when I opened my eyes was fast becoming my new favorite thing. "How is that even a question?"

"Right. Good point. I'll be back in a second."

I pulled the covers back and pivoted to sitting. "I'm getting up."

"Are you?" He moved closer until he stood between my legs. Brushing my hair back, he tilted my head up as he leaned down to kiss me. "You don't wanna laze around for a while? Make the most of your last day of vacation?"

"Unless you're in this bed with me, that's not making the most of the last day." I pulled him down, rolling him under me. "I could tie you to the bedposts… keep you here forever."

"That's an idea we should definitely consider."

"I don't need to consider it. Anything that involves you and a bed, I'm in." He laughed, but those chuckles turned to groans as I kissed him, the mood transforming as he arched into me.

I couldn't get enough of him, couldn't stop touching him. It had been like that since our first kiss, but even more so since the other night. Sex with James wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before, and not only because he was a guy. There was that too. The mechanics were similar, sure, but the feeling was totally different.

Walking inside with him after the bonfire, I'd been terrified. I never would have admitted it to him-I knew he was as nervous as I was. He'd been trembling-but my whole body had been shaking too. I felt like I had the first time I'd ever been bungee jumping, standing on that ledge, looking over into the abyss, and trusting that when I leapt from that platform that I wouldn't fall to my death.

It was the same with James. Taking that plunge, giving him my body, taking his, it was more than heady and one of the most important responsibilities I'd ever been trusted with.

We'd fumbled a bit, figuring things out as went, but as unsure as I'd been about… well… all of it, beneath everything, it was _James_. My James.

And now, I'd become completely addicted to him. It seemed like five minutes hadn't gone by that I hadn't been touching him. We'd been together constantly-sleeping, cooking, showering. He was always close enough that I could reach for him anytime I wanted. I had no idea how I would make it through one shift, let alone a whole block of shifts, without indulging in my addiction.

"The coffee's getting cold." He said, his voice breathless.

"We'll make more." I kissed him as though it were the only thing keeping me alive because in that moment, that's how it felt. I knew time was slipping away, and soon we'd have to pack our stuff into the car and head for home. "I don't want this to be our last day here." I held James closer, as though the tighter I gripped him, the longer I could put off thinking about going home.

"We could fake our own deaths and live here forever."

"There's some merit to that plan, you know."

He sighed, nuzzling against my neck. "Don't I wish. Back to reality tomorrow. For you, anyway. I have no idea what my reality looks like anymore."

My mind churned, grappling for some sort of plan that would prolong this. The idea of reality impinging on what James and I had discovered together left whatever was happening between us feeling tainted.

"You know, I could always leave you up here, head back to the city, grab some things, and come back after my shift."

He huffed a soft laugh before responding. "It's tempting. It's _really_ fucking tempting, but I can't hide out for all eternity."

I didn't want to go. If I didn't have people counting on me, responsibilities, expectations, I would have said _fuck it_ and sequestered myself away in the woods with James for the rest of our lives. But we'd stretched this out for as long as we could. There was no avoiding it.

We had to go back, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

The thought about how everything would fit together when we got there loomed over my head.

How would this all work?

Until last week, James had lived with Stephanie. They shared a house not far from campus. I had roommates. Did it make sense to move in together? Were we ready for that?

On the one hand, we'd known each other forever, but this-whatever it was-was new, only a week old. We were still getting to know each other in this new light, and I was terrified that something, even something small, would throw off the equilibrium we'd seemed to find since being here.

There were so many things to work out, so many questions that I didn't know how to answer, but James silenced those questions when he brought my hand to his mouth, pressing a slow kiss against my palm.

When James' lips were on me, it was like my brain couldn't handle the overload of actual thought and sensation. It shut down everything but the capacity to focus on him and the way he made me feel.

I kissed his neck as he tilted his head to the side, giving me better access. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, so many things I wanted to tell him, but the thought of voicing them, actually saying them out loud, formed a knot in my stomach.

Brushing the words aside, I concentrated on showing James how much I wanted him, how much he meant to me through action alone. We had this part down to a well-choreographed dance now. He slipped up the bed, his knees falling open in invitation as I grabbed what I needed from the table. Within seconds I was inside him, his body surrounding me, his mouth on mine.

He moaned into my kiss as I moved, having learned now exactly how he liked it. I knew every inch of his body, every angle that made him feel good, every spot inside him that made his head fall back and his eyes slide shut.

"Kendall." He gasped, and I could tell he was close already. I reached between us, using my hand to bring him as much pleasure as I could.

His muscles spasmed around me, and my name was on his lips once more as his orgasm hit, his release pulling my own from me. I came, buried deep inside him, my whole world centering on nothing but him.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Kames have taken that next step and are still happy!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **We've reached the halfway mark of this story! Of course, the next chapter will deal with Kames returning home. That most likely won't be up until this weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

 **So, before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

For some reason, I couldn't shake the weirdly ominous feeling that something was going to go sideways.

The drive back home felt like I was being carted off to prison. I knew the welcome party that'd be awaiting me when I got there wouldn't be a friendly one. In fact, there wouldn't be a welcome party at all. It would just be an empty house and all the same problems I'd done my best to ignore for the past week.

Honestly, though, I had no idea how things would be once I was back to my regular routine-work and family and friends and everything. I just knew nothing would be as simple as everything seemed to be when we were sequestered up at the cabin. Real life was about to come crashing back down on me, and I wasn't sure where to go from here.

Forget starting a new chapter. How did I go about flipping my whole life to a new fucking book?

Stephanie knew the truth, but even though things between us were upside down at the moment, I trusted her. There was no way she would tell anyone else without talking to me about it first. So now I had a decision to make. Did I go through the motions of work and life, pretending nothing was different? Or did I make some grand announcement, parade out of the closet in a shower of rainbows and glitter?

Neither option felt like _me_.

And then there was the hulking unknown with regards to Kendall. It was that unknown that had me most on edge. So much so, I didn't even want to think about it. There'd been no discussion of anything. We hadn't talked through what we were and what we would be. It all felt too fragile to bring up, like if I addressed it, the whole thing might burst like one of the giant human-sized bubbles I'd made for my sixth grade science fair project.

I knew that was stupid. I'd always been able to talk to Kendall about anything-with one exception-but the thought of asking him if he was my boyfriend now was mortifying.

This was uncharted territory, and I didn't have a fucking compass.

I stared out the window, the trees in the distance appearing unmoving, while the smaller plants along the side of the road whipped past us as Kendall drove. I wanted to slow it all down, to beg him to take me back and call in sick for the rest of my life. Hours ago, things had seemed so simple, but now they were barreling out of control, and I wanted to stop but I couldn't.

This was happening, and now I needed to figure out how to deal.

We flew through town after town, until the familiar form of the Seattle skyline loomed ahead of us.

"You know, it's not too late to turn around and go back." Kendall said, sliding his hand across the center console to squeeze my thigh. I leaned into his touch, deciding that no matter how many times he put his hands on me, it'd never feel any less meaningful.

"I think we've already passed the point of no return." I replied, turning my attention from the city and back onto Kendall. Comfort washed through me as he smiled back, his eyes a little sad, like he knew exactly what we'd left behind in Pine Bluff.

"Maybe." He exhaled. "But on our next set of days off together, we'll go back. We can just leave town and spend the weekend holed up in the cabin."

He sounded so sure, like those plans had already been set in place and were now utterly unchangeable, that I couldn't help but feel the knot in my chest loosen slightly. It was something to hold on to.

"Yeah." I nodded. "That sounds good."

XxX

My house came into view as Kendall rounded the corner onto my street. It looked exactly the same as I remembered it, the pale blue slats just as cheerful as ever, even in the twilight, but the feeling of coming home was missing as Kendall pulled into the driveway and parked. The exterior lights were off, the lawn a little overgrown, and I hesitated before unbuckling my seat belt.

Maybe it was ridiculous to be afraid to go inside, but I was. I was terrified that the moment I stepped back through the door, the last week would disappear, as though I'd imagined the whole thing.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked as he looked at me, the concern written all over his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Uncertainty hung in the air. I took a breath and counted down from five before unbuckling and getting out of the car. The air in Seattle even smelled different, though I was sure I was imagining it. There was something stale about it, almost suffocating after the freshness of air in the forest.

Kendall rounded he back and grabbed my bag from the trunk, oblivious to my mini freak-out, then followed me up the steps to the front door. I paused there. Each step seemed like it was putting me farther and farther away from the cabin. Packing our bags. The trip back home. Getting out of the car. And now walking into the house.

It was the final nail in the week we'd spent together, and I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for it.

One more countdown from five and I slipped my key into the lock and pushed the door open. Kendall was right behind me, closing the door behind us, and then I could finally exhale as he pulled me into his arms.

I buried my face into the curve of his neck, holding him tighter than was probably necessary. He didn't complain, though, just hugged me back.

I felt stupid for getting this emotional over being home, but I couldn't help it. We lingered in the entranceway, the lights still off, seconds melting to minutes as we stood. This was it, but we were stuck in limbo, neither of us knowing how to say goodbye, how to put the period at the end of the sentence that had been our week in Pine Bluff.

"I don't wanna go." He said, breathing the words against my ear. His grasp on me was tight, and I closed my eyes, pretending that we were back at the cabin and there was no time limit.

"I don't want you to go either."

He dropped his arm, and I was suddenly colder. "But I have to. I need to get all my shit together for work in the morning. I'm off at six, though. I could come over? We can order takeout?"

Relief swept through me. "Yeah. That'd be good."

He smiled, and some of the tension that had been strangling me melted away. It would be fine. I could handle the aftermath of my breakup with Stephanie if I knew I wasn't losing Kendall too.

"Okay. Tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow." I agreed.

He kissed me, one last time, and it took everything in me not to wrap my arms around him and refuse to let him go.

Eventually, though, he stepped back, and with one final goodbye, he was gone.

I shut the door and slid the lock over before turning around to take a look at my house, seeing it empty for the first time. This wasn't my home with Stephanie anymore. I didn't have that cocoon of imaginary safety surrounding me… there was no normal routine, no typical, everyday familiarity. My life would always exist in the before and after.

Before I came out.

Before the cabin.

Before Kendall.

And now I needed to figure out what the fuck to do in the after.

Slowly, I walked through each room, noticing all the things that were missing now.

I took my bag to the bedroom and dumped it on the floor in the corner. I was tired, but it felt weird to climb into our old bed without Stephanie, so I grabbed a couple of blankets from the hall closet and headed back to the living room.

Stephanie had left most of the furniture in the house, with the exception of her mom's rocking chair, but she'd taken a lot of the mementos and trinkets that had once decorated our shelves. Some of the photographs were gone too, but she'd left a handful, a reminder of the life I'd set fire to a week before.

I slid my finger along the top of the frame we'd bought on our trip to the Grand Canyon. I had my arm thrown casually around Stephanie, her eyes bright as she smiled at the camera. We both looked so happy, and I wondered how long it would take her to feel that lightness again.

I hated what I'd done to her. There wasn't anything I could say or do to make up for the deception and the hurt I'd caused. The only hope I held on to was that one day she could forgive me and move past it.

The moment my admission had fallen from my mouth, I'd known nothing would ever be the same. I'd also known the change would be difficult, but I didn't realize just how much I would miss her. Besides Kendall, she was my best friend and the person I'd spent the most time with in my life. I was closer to her than I was to my own family, and now she was gone.

Even though I'd never felt about her the way felt about Kendall, I loved her. I'd spent so long as half a couple, it was difficult to feel whole without her. It wasn't that I wanted to get back together with her. I knew as trying as this was, I'd made the right decision in coming out. I needed to be true to who I was, and keeping up the facade of a loving partnership with Stephanie was deluding us both. Hurting us both.

In time, I'd adjust, but the only thing I wanted to do was call her. And before I thought too hard about it, I'd pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed. She answered almost immediately.

"Hi." Behind that single syllable was a mountain of emotions.

"Hi." She replied, her voice quiet.

"I'm sorry I haven't called."

"I haven't called either."

I let out a breath and collapsed onto the couch. This was harder than I thought it would be. I knew her well enough to read her, even through the few words we'd exchanged. I had the answer to my question before I'd even voiced it, but I asked anyway. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Really?"

She gave a weak laugh. "Yes, really. I'm… adjusting."

"I'm sorry." I said, for what might have been the hundredth time.

She sighed, and I could see the expression on her face in my mind. "I know, James, but the only thing you should be sorry about is not telling me sooner. I hate that you spent all that time hiding. Hurting."

Her thought echoed Kendall's, and my throat constricted around the realization of how lucky I was. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve my friends, but I couldn't have been more grateful for them.

"I didn't want to hurt you... I hate that I hurt you."

"I'm going to fine, I promise. I miss you, but the rest, all the other stuff, will fade."

"I miss you too." I paused, sure that what I was about to suggest was probably a bad idea. "Can I see you?"

When Stephanie hesitated, I opened my mouth to take it back, but she cut me off before I could speak, surprising me. "Yeah. That'd be nice, I think."

My heart lightened, and I got a glimpse at the possibility that Stephanie and I might one day be friends. It would be a new type of friendship, but I couldn't see it being too far off from what we had before. It would definitely take time, but I was willing to do whatever it took.

I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself, but I felt something like hope.

My brain tumbled through the possibilities, and it settled on what I thought might be the perfect thing. "If you're not busy Saturday, do you want to do our usual breakfast at Dixie's?"

"Sure. Yeah, I'd like that."

"Okay. Saturday it is. I'll meet you there at nine?"

"Nine." She confirmed.

I said goodbye and hung up, feeling lighter than I had before.

* * *

The day had dragged on longer than I thought possible. With two hours to go until shift change, I was more than ready to shuck the uniform and get the fuck out of the station. Most days, I loved my job. I loved the adrenaline and the satisfaction of helping people. Even the bullshit calls didn't seem to wear on me like they did the other guys. But today I was restless and more than eager to call it quits.

"Do you need a ride to the Lower Deck?" Jett asked, checking the inventory on the medical kit.

"Nah, not tonight. I think I'm going to go home and crash."

"Seriously? You're not coming? It's Beau's fucking birthday, man."

"Next time." I promised.

"You missed the last two bar nights because you fucked off to God knows where at the last second, we all covered your ass with your unexpected vacation, and now you're going to bail on the first one after you get back?"

"I'm tired." I reasoned, my mind going to James, who I knew would be waiting for me. I didn't know why I didn't tell Jett I had other plans. It was as though I thought he might be able to see right through me, to know without me saying anything what I planned to do with my night. "It's been a long week."

"You've been back one day. Give me a fucking break."

He was looking pointedly at me, and before I even opened my mouth, I knew I would cave. "Fine. I'll stop by for an hour, just long enough to tell Beau happy birthday and buy him a drink. And then I'm heading home to crash."

"Well, that's better than nothing, I guess."

I shrugged off the comment, though I had to admit it bothered me more than I would have liked. I'd never much cared about what other people thought of me, but for some reason, Jett's reaction burrowed under my skin. I felt like I was forced to choose between my friends and James.

Maybe that was ridiculous, but I wasn't sure where James would fit into the life I had before. I needed to work out how to piece both together.

I grabbed my phone from the table and sent James a text, letting him know I'd be a little late but to go ahead and order food and I'd be there as soon as I could. Almost immediately, the reply came through.

 **James:** _Okay. Don't keep me waiting too long or I'll have to start without you._

I quickly typed back.

 **Me:** _If you do, take pictures. ;)_

When I looked up, Jett was staring at me, a knowing look on his face.

"Jo missed you, huh?" He chuckled. "Guess now I know why you don't wanna come out with us tonight. You have better things to be doing, huh?" He made a thrusting motion with his hips as I scrambled to come up with something to say. "Can't say I blame you. I'd hit that if my wife wouldn't fucking kill me for it. Not a good enough reason to blow off your friends, though. You can have fun with your girl later, after you've had at least one drink with us."

I could have told him. I could have come right out and said that James and I were together and if he had a problem with it, well, he could go fuck himself.

But I didn't say that.

I stood there, laughing and shrugging like Jo was exactly who I'd be doing that night. I was such a fucking asshole, but I couldn't bring myself to say it, and I didn't know why. I'd had all of five minutes to wrap my own head around what was happening with James and me. I still hadn't totally figured my shit out, and until I did, I couldn't let anyone else in on it.

Besides, if I was going to come out, my family should probably be the first to hear.

At least, that was the rationalization I made.

XxX

"Here's to another year of kicking ass and taking names, kicking ass and dousing flames." Carlos was standing on a chair, commanding the attention of everyone in the bar. Beau was on the chair next to him, basking in the glow of the spotlight.

"That was a new level of lame, 'Los." Logan called, making everyone within earshot laugh.

Carlos didn't seem to mind, though. He took a bow, almost falling off the chair as he did. I grabbed his arm as he climbed down, steadying him from falling on his face before handing over a drink. We threw the shots back like it was our job, though the shots were largely unnecessary. We were both six drinks past drunk, and the crew showed no signs of slowing down. The room started to spin, and I was looking at the legal limit in the rearview mirror.

"I should go, man." I dragged Jett closer so he could hear me over the noise.

"Nah, it's still early!" Jett turned to Dustin. "Tell Knight it's still early and we'll all think he's a wuss if he bails now."

"I don't give a shit of you guys think I'm a wuss." I told him, hoping my conviction was clear enough through the slurring. "I've got places to be."

"You gotta stay for at least one more drink." Dustin said, his eyes pleading through the glassiness.

"One more drink. And then I'm calling it a night."

Jett turned toward the bar and caught the bartender's attention. "Two blowjobs, please." He turned back to me, looking smug. "If you're gonna ditch us like a bitch, you're gonna take shots like a bitch. Hey, Beau! Get over here. We need you to balance one of these glasses on."

Beau sauntered over, and he and Jett jumped up onto the bar, nestling the drinks between their legs. Dustin and I looked at each other, shrugged, put our hands behind our backs, then leaned forward and took the shot.

I couldn't contain my laughter when Dustin stood, whipped cream dripping down off his chin.

"Apparently Kendall's got some cocksucking skills." Beau declared with a whoop.

"Not that you're ever gonna find out, asshole."

They all chuckled, but the thought of blowjobs had me thinking of James, and I'd kept him waiting way too fucking long.

"Alright, boys, I'm out. Don't get into too much trouble. I'm not giving up the rest of my night if you need to be bailed out of jail."

This time, no one argued, and honestly, if they had, I would have shut them down. I should have left hours ago. One drink had turned into far too many. I'd kept James posted throughout the whole fiasco, and he'd seemed understanding, but I still felt like a dick.

I was more than ready to make it up to him.

As I exited the bar, I happened to find an empty cab and jumped in. The drive to James' was a short one. I could have walked, but this was faster, and before I knew it, I was at his front door, letting myself in.

"Honey, I'm home." I called across the foyer.

I walked through just as I had a week earlier. Fuck, but so much had changed since then. Everything, really. My whole fucking world had turned upside down.

"I'm in here." James called. I followed the sound of his voice into the living room where he lay on the couch watching TV.

I lifted his feet and sat, moving his legs back over my lap.

"I'm sorry I'm late. Things got out of hand pretty quick, and Jett harassed me to stay. I should have been here earlier."

James hummed noncommittally, and I couldn't tell if he was upset or not. Mostly, he just seemed tired.

"Did you eat?" I asked.

"Yeah. There's some leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Maybe in a minute."

I was hungry-I hadn't had anything at the bar other than booze-but it was so satisfying to be sitting with James, to be touching him, even if it was just his feet in my lap that I couldn't bring myself to get back up. And now that I was here, I was really regretting the hours I'd spent with my crew rather than with him.

Now that I was here, I couldn't remember why being there for Beau's birthday had seemed so important.

I slid my hands around his heel, massaging gently. He groaned softly and I watched his eyes slide shut, my gaze trained on the way his eyelashes fanned against his cheeks and the way the lines in his face seemed to relax as I touched him.

"Feels good." He murmured, as though he was right on the edge of sleep. I rubbed his feet for a minute longer, then lowered them to the floor and grabbed his hand, pulling him up to sitting. Pressing a gentle kiss against his jaw and holding him close to me. He seemed to melt into me, boneless and pliant, and my heart skipped.

This was what I needed to let everything else fall away and concentrate on the sound of James breathing and the way his body fit against mine.

"C'mon." I stood, pulling James with me. "Let's go to bed."

"You're staying tonight?" He sounded surprised.

"If that's okay."

"Yeah." He breathed. "Stay."

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face at the knowledge that he wanted me there, because deep down, below all the uncertainty and the bullshit dilemas, there was nowhere else I'd rather be than with James.

* * *

 **Done! So, Kames have made it back home! But it seems that both James and Kendall have their own issues they're dealing with at the moment.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter probably won't be up sometime this weekend, but there may or may not updates for my other stories before then. :P**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I still didn't know what to think.

I'd been hurt that Kendall had basically cancelled on me to spend the night with the guys from the firehouse, but on the other hand, I couldn't fault him for it. Not really. He had spent the last week holed up with me in a cabin in the mountains. I couldn't expect him to drop the rest of his social circle just because I wanted to spent every waking-and sleeping-minute with him.

But that was the problem.

I did.

I'd always wanted to, and now that I'd had a taste of it, now that I knew what it was like to be with him, that desire had only increased.

So when he'd texted, pushing back our dinner and letting me know he wouldn't be by until later, I couldn't help the twinge of disappointment that rippled through me. And when he'd shown up four hours later than he was originally supposed to, the scent of alcohol potent before he'd even crossed the room, that twinge grew.

I had no idea how to navigate how I felt, no frame of reference for dealing with this kind of situation. In a way, I was right back to where I'd been at thirteen years old, inexperienced and groping around in the dark when it came to dating and relationships. Not only that, but being best friends with the guy I was in love with muddied the waters more than a little.

All I knew was that I went from annoyed to confused to aroused in the time it took for Kendall to close the distance between us and cover my mouth with his.

There wasn't even anything overtly sexual about the way he kissed me. A chaste press of his lips to mine, and yet, that simple act was all it took to erase an evening's worth of annoyance.

I forgot about my conflicted feelings and let myself get lost in Kendall's touch until we headed to bed. This would be the first time we'd spent the night together somewhere other than the cabin. What made it all the more complicated was that we'd be sleeping in the bed I'd shared with Stephanie for the last four years.

Though I hadn't been able to bring myself to sleep there the night before, I knew I couldn't sleep on the couch forever.

Kendall stripped down, and I let myself get distracted by how beautiful he was without clothing.

"Are you gonna stand there all night staring at me, or are you gonna get in?"

He didn't give me time to answer before he crawled under the covers. Without a word, I slid in next to him and shifted until I lay against him, his skin warm in the air-conditioned room. I don't know what I'd expected-maybe that he'd pick up right where we'd left off with the constant desire for sex-but that wasn't how it turned out.

I knew we were both tired. He'd had a long day at work, and I'd spent hours playing mental gymnastics over what my life had become. But when Kendall gathered me close beneath the covers, the sexual heat that had been so vivid in Pine Bluff was a lot more subdued.

It was still there, simmering below the surface, but I got the impression that Kendall was as content as I was not to push things any further tonight.

I relaxed, letting the comfort of him clear the last of my cobwebbed thoughts until I drifted off to sleep.

XxX

The weather was bright and pleasant and didn't match my mood at all that morning. I was scheduled to work that afternoon, my first shift back since I'd taken off with no warning. I knew Kelly, my boss, was as understanding as they came, but I wasn't sure what I was going to say to explain myself when I walked through those doors.

It was going to be a day full of uncomfortable explanations and making amends as I stood on the sidewalk, waiting for Stephanie to arrive.

I'd been here for twenty minutes already. I hadn't meant to be so early, but I'd hurried out of the house quicker than I'd intended, more nervous to see her now than I had been on our first date.

She pulled up, parking on the other side of the street, and I stood there with my hands shoved in my pockets and my heart hammering in my throat. When she climbed out of the car, I watched her slip a handful of coins into the meter before dashing across the road in between clusters of traffic.

Somehow, she looked exactly the same and totally different, and I couldn't place my finger on why.

"I'm glad we're doing this." I said as she came to a stop a foot away from me. I meant it too. It was so good to see her, but I was just now realizing how out of my depth I was. All the normalcy went out the window because there wasn't an 'us' anymore. I couldn't lean in and kiss her hello or wrap my arm around her to lead her into the restaurant.

So instead, I stood there like an asshole not knowing what to do with myself.

"I am too." She stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. It was quick and awkward, but I was glad she'd been the one to make the first move, putting me out of my misery.

"Should we go in?"

We were standing outside of Dixie's Diner, our usual Saturday breakfast spot. "Definitely. I've been craving strawberry crepes all week."

It was the one dish Stephanie had never been able to master in the kitchen, despite being one of the best cooks I knew. We'd tried many times with disastrous results, and sometime around the summer of 2016, we'd made a pact that we'd attempted our last batch and just to leave the crepe making to the professionals here.

We found a table near the window-one of Steph's favorite parts of our breakfasts out was people watching-and sat across from one another. I'd gone back and forth, over and over, trying to decide if I should tell her about Kendall or not. It felt cruel to tell her, and yet, I didn't want her to hear it from someone else.

By the time we'd arrived at the restaurant, I still hadn't made up my mind, deciding instead to see how the conversation went and to take it from there.

Maybe that was cowardly, but it was the best I could do.

The waitress brought over coffee, pouring while she gave us an update on her dog, who had evidently undergone surgery the week before. The exchange felt so normal, almost mundane, and that fact alone made being here feel surreal.

When the waitress walked away, Stephanie and I spent the next few minutes making very awkward small talk. I didn't know how to _do_ this, how to be normal with her with all this shit hanging over our heads.

Finally, she looked at me, the mask of fake happiness fading. "How are you doing, James, really?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure how any of this is supposed to work. Maybe it's not supposed to work at all, at least not this soon."

"Maybe not. There's a lot I don't know these days."

She tilted her head to one side as though she was considering it again at that very moment. "This is weird, you know? Being here with you like this… it's familiar, but it's not the same."

"I know." I exhaled. "There's this part of me that wants everything back the way it was, but I know that's not possible. I miss you. I miss talking to you, and you were such a huge part of my life, and then suddenly you weren't."

"I know." She said softly. "It's been… difficult to adjust. We both lost something. But now we both need to move on."

"Yeah." I nodded, then took a sip of coffee, staring down at the plain white diner cup rather than at Stephanie. This stung almost as much as the breakup had the first time around. I felt like I was losing her all over again. There was a chance our friendship would heal over time, but right now, it almost didn't seem possible.

I regretted coming. It was too soon. For both of us, I thought. I needed more time to get my head straight and I couldn't tell her about Kendall.

She sighed, her eyes meeting mine, and I could read the pain there. It wasn't as vivid as it had been the night I'd ended things between us, but it was still there, just below the surface.

"I'm sorry, James. I don't know if I can do this." She gestured between us.

"Do what? Stay friends?" I couldn't blame her for that. There was a part of me that felt the same way.

She nodded. "At least, not yet. I still haven't gotten used to the idea of being without you, of you being…"

"Gay."

"Yeah. And maybe that's selfish. I know you need a friend, and I want to be there to support you through all this, I really do, but-"

"Steph, It's okay. I never expected you to… It's not… Shit." I breathed. "I didn't mean for this to turn into a rehashing of everything." I paused, scrambling. "I don't know what I meant for this to be."

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head and reached across the table, grabbing her hands and holding them in mine, needing her to hear me. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. I'm the one who fucked this all up. It was me, not you. You're… you were the best thing that could have happened to me, you know that? And even though there were parts of our relationship that…" I paused again, trying to think of the right words to say this without hurting her any more than I already had. "There were parts that weren't the way they should have been… that doesn't mean I didn't love you in a very real way."

"I know." She said quietly.

"I do love you, Steph. So fucking much."

"I know." I let go of her hands, but her gaze remained there, staring forward. I could see the tears gathering in her eyes.

I felt like shit. "I hate that I hurt you."

"It's not your fault."

"I've made so many mistakes, and I'm so sorry you were dragged into them with me. I never meant to hurt you."

I was talking in circles, and it wasn't doing either of us any good. I was rehashing the same conversation we'd have the night we broke up, the night I'd called, and now the same shit I'd said two minutes ago. Even after getting some distance, after a ton of self-reflection at the cabin, I wasn't any closer to resolving my own issues in a way that would give either of us closure.

"I know that too." She looked up. "I want you to be happy. I do. But I can't be a part of that, at least not yet. One day, I hope we can be friends, but it's too raw right now."

"I'm sorry." I said again.

"Say you're sorry again and I'll break your nose." She said, the corner of her mouth upturned slightly. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay. I'm not sorry at all."

She sighed quietly. "I should probably go."

"Do you want to order your crepes to go at least?"

She shook her head. "That's okay. We'll raincheck the crepes, and one day when sitting here with you doesn't feel so uncomfortable, we'll come back and have breakfast together."

"Deal."

She stood and gathered her purse before she gave me one last half-smile and turned for the door. As she left, a familiar prickle of sadness came over me, watching her walk out of my life for the second time, but at least this time, I knew it wasn't forever.

It would take time for both of us to move past this, but one day, we would be friends again.

* * *

It had been a long two weeks.

I'd worked nearly every day since I'd gotten back from Pine Bluff in order to make up for the impromptu-and unpaid-leave of absence. After spending a week sitting on my ass and generally lounging around, back-to-back-to-back shifts of emergency after emergency seemed even rougher than normal. But rent didn't get paid with thoughts and dreams, so I dragged my ass to the station.

And honestly, the high-adrenaline, high-tension calls would have been fine. Exhausting but fine. It was the downtime between calls that was the worst, when there was nothing to do but sit around and wait for something to happen. I was itching for a day off, if only to actually see James face to face.

Phone conversations had been brief and intermittent, and I couldn't help the small niggling of doubt. It had crept in so subtly that I almost hadn't noticed at first, but the more time that passed after returning to real life, the more fantasy-like our time at the cabin seemed.

I couldn't help but wonder if my relationship with James stood a chance to fare any better than my relationship with Jo. I was still the same guy. I still worked all the fucking time. I was dedicated to my job, and pretty much everything else in my life came second to that.

Could I really be the type of boyfriend that James deserved?

And even if I could, did I want to be?

I felt like an asshole for even having those thoughts, but what the hell was I supposed to do? There were still so many unanswered questions about how the hell this was going to work. My head spun with thoughts of how I was going to fit him into my life in an altogether different way than he'd fit before. And how would I fit into his?

I loved him. There was never a question of that, but did I love him the way he deserved to be loved, and was that enough?

I dumped the rest of my lunch into the garbage and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Um, Ken? You've got a visitor." Logan called from the hallway.

"Seriously, Logan. You don't need to announce me like this is my first time in the place." Jo's voice carried over the noise of the radio playing in the kitchen to hit me straight in the gut.

She'd called me a bunch of times since I'd been back, but I hadn't gotten around to calling her back. I should have known she'd show up at the station. Jo had never been the kind of woman to let life happen to her. She took charge, and what she wanted, she made happen.

"Hey."

She appeared at the top of the stairs and started to make her way over to me.

"That's all I get after being ignored for nearly a month?" She crossed the room and slid her arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to the underside of my jaw. Her perfume lit the air, light and floral, and for a second I was reminded of how good it had been between us once upon a time.

As subtly as possible, I twisted free of her grasp and moved a step back. "Sorry. Things have been busy."

It was non-committal answer, and not entirely untrue. That wasn't the reason I hadn't returned a single one of her calls, but she didn't need to know that.

"Too busy for me? Come on, Kendall."

I hated when she said my name like that. It brought back memories of my mother scolding me when I was a kid, and it never failed to make me feel like I was in trouble. Which, I guess I was.

"I've been working. And you're the one who broke up with me. I didn't think there was a lot more to say."

"You know we weren't _broken up_ broken up. It was a temporary thing. It always is." She teased in a way that I had learned long ago was completely fake, designed to soften me up or play to the audience if there happened to be one around. A while ago, I'd have fallen for it, but I knew her too well for that now. "You knew we'd get back together." She insisted.

We'd been through this exact scenario a thousand times-once or twice in this very station, in fact-but this time, it was different. This time, I wasn't tempted to slip back into the same pattern we'd followed for so long.

"We should probably talk." I said gently, my voice lowered.

The guys sitting on the couch were doing their best to seem disinterested in what I was saying, but they'd witnessed this before too, and when I didn't immediately take Jo up on her offer to get back together, I could almost see their ears perking.

"Somewhere private. Come on." I grabbed her hand and led her down the hall.

"Where are we going?" She asked as we passed the bunkroom and kept on walking.

"The roof."

I pulled her to the exterior staircase at the end of the hall where I held the door open for her. I'd never taken her up there, but it was quiet, out of earshot of everyone, and less intimate than the bunkroom.

"What's going on, Kendall?"

I turned toward her, the lightness evaporated completely from her mood. "We've done this too many times. The back-and-forth together/broken-up thing." I shoved my hands in my back pockets. "Aren't you tired of it?"

"I thought…" Her expression was somber, and her eyebrows knit together, creating two little lines between them.

"What, that this would be the last time you'd get sick of my shit and leave me?" I huffed a quiet laugh. "That my schedule would suddenly become less fucking crazy and I'd have all the time in the world?"

"Well, no, but-"

"It didn't work out the first time. We should have stopped there, but we've fallen into this pattern and we're stuck. I'm your fallback plan, Jo."

"You aren't." She insisted. "I love you. I want to be with you."

I let out a slow breath and slid my palms over her shoulders, holding her at arm's length from me. "Have you thought about this, though? Have you thought about what next year will look like? Five years from now? Neither of us is going to change, and it's going to be this endless cycle. Are you telling me you really wanna do that?"

She looked like she was on the verge of tears. I was only now realizing that in all the times we'd broken up, she'd been the one to walk away. I'd been the one to stand there, draped in indifference, confident she'd come back eventually.

"I don't know." She sniffled. "I thought I saw us getting married one day, having kids, the house, the whole thing. I wanted that with you. Want that." She corrected herself, but I couldn't help but see it as a Freudian slip.

We'd grown apart, and it had been a long time since we'd actually worked as a couple. Even if James hadn't been in the picture, even if nothing had happened at the cabin beyond fishing and swimming, it wouldn't change the facts with Jo.

I slipped my hands behind her back and drew her into a hug. She went stiff for a moment before she let me hold her, her head sinking against my shoulder and her arms coming up around my neck.

"I'm sorry, Jo. I wish we could have worked out, but I don't think we fit like that. We've tried. We've tried so many times, but it isn't working."

She pulled back. "Is there someone else?"

For a split second, I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I'd just avoided thinking about it or if I really hadn't considered what I would say to Jo… how I would explain to her that the man she knew had fallen for another guy.

Her eyes went wide, then narrowed, and I knew I didn't need to say anything.

"I wanna know who."

She stared me down, but I didn't flinch. I kept my mouth clamped shut. I couldn't bring myself to say James' name.

Several awkward beats passed, her stare boring through me, but I didn't say anything. I watched as anger turned to full-out rage. But just underneath that, underneath all the anger, I could see the hurt there.

"Fine. Have it your way. I guess we're done, then. Have a nice life." She turned and walked off, the metal door slamming behind her and echoing through the parking lot below.

I stood in place, resisting the urge to go after her. It was over. It had been over for a long time, and anything else I could possibly say to her right now wouldn't help. So I stood there and waited to hear her car start up and drive off.

The moment her vehicle disappeared from view, the gravity of what I'd just done hit me. It was really over between Jo and me, and Jesus Christ, it felt weird. There was this small part of me that'd held on to the belief that one day we'd finally get our shit together and get serious about each other.

But that wasn't going to happen. I didn't _want_ it to happen. Not anymore, at least. And yet… there was still a thudding sense of finality to it.

I stood there for a few minutes, my hands braced on the railing as I leaned over and let the reality of the situation settle on me. Fleetingly, a thought entered my head, and I wondered, if I'd known how much would change, if I'd have taken James to Pine Bluff.

Alone in that cabin, I'd been completely consumed with him. I was addicted-and happy to be. But back here, back home, things were so goddamn different. I still wanted to be with him-so much it fucking hurt, in fact-but I couldn't ignore the overwhelming sense of anxiety that flooded my body when I thought about all the other dominoes that would topple eventually.

Maybe I was an idiot for not thinking it through in the moment, for letting logic and rationality take a temporary vacation. I'd let myself get carried away with the sex and the staggering need I had to be with him, and it was now obvious how much I hadn't considered. Like how it was possible for this new facet in the real world.

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt James, but Christ, I had no fucking idea what the hell I was doing.

I pushed back from the railing and went back inside. As soon as I stepped into the living area, I had all eyes on me.

"What the fuck, Knight? Jo ran outta here in tears." Beau said.

"Yeah, we broke up." I said, my voice flat.

"Every week, I thought." He shrugged. "Why's she losing her shit over you now?"

I shrugged. "It's over for good this time."

"I still don't get why she's upset. She's _way_ outta your league. She's gonna have a new guy five minutes from now." Jett chimed in.

"Does she know I'm available?" Beau teased.

I made an effort to laugh as Logan tossed a towel across the room, hitting Beau in the face. "Hey, give the guy a break. He's going through a breakup." Logan said, giving both Beau and Jett a stern look before sending a sympathetic look my way.

"He seems a lot less torn up over the idea than she does." Jett responded.

Carlos came over and threw his arm around my shoulder. "Look at him. He's completely devastated. Don't you recognize total heartbreak when you see it?"

The room erupted into laughter, and I did my best to paste an amused expression on my face. I appreciated the guys trying to lighten the mood, but my mind was all over the place right now.

"Only one way to cure heartbreak, man." Jett said.

"Pussy." Beau chimed in.

"Lots of pussy." Jett added.

"My girlfriend's got this friend. She just got dumped, so her self-esteem's shot, and sadly, she didn't have much to begin with." Beau raised the back of his hand to the side of his mouth as though he was divulging the country's best-kept secret. "Daddy issues."

Logan shook his head. "How you've managed to keep your girlfriend from finding out you're a goddamn dog for the last three months is astounding."

Beau ignored him. "Just let me know if you want me to set you up. She was a gymnast in high school." He waggled his eyebrows.

"I'll think about it." I didn't need to think about it. The thought of Beau setting me up with some bendy chick with abandonment issues sounded as appealing as sticking my dick in a blender. In fact, there was only one place I wanted to stick my dick, but I couldn't tell the guys that.

Before the situation could get any more uncomfortable, though, the siren sounded, and I'd never been as happy to have a conversation cut short for a call before.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like James and Kendall are both trying to sort through things. James met up with Stepanie and Kendall finally broke up with Jo, seemingly for good this time.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter should be up sometime within the week, so you shouldn't have too much of a wait for it. :)**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello everyone! I was originally going to wait and post this over the weekend, but it's been a long day and I'm in a posting mood, so... here we are!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It had been almost three weeks since we'd returned from the cabin, and I hadn't seen Kendall in more than two. We'd spoken almost every day, a quick phone call to say hello and update the other on what was going on, but we'd both been so busy with work that we hadn't been able to match up our schedule long enough to see each other face-to-face.

I missed him, but mostly, I was fucking confused about where we stood. The few times I'd brought it up, Kendall had changed the subject, and the longer it got left, the more it began to fester.

I hated this uneven ground we seemed to be on. There was nothing _wrong_ … not technically, anyway, but it wasn't _right_ , and I had no idea what to do about it.

I'd spent a good couple of days moping around my house, feeling sorry for myself and generally wallowing in self-pity until I got so sick of my own company, and sick of feeling like I was waiting around for someone else to make a move.

I was in charge of my life, and it was time I started acting like it, so I went in to work on my day off, dragging my laptop with me.

Lucy, my favorite barista, looked up when I walked through the door.

"Shouldn't you be… I don't know… anywhere but here?" She planted her hands on her hips. "Or did you miss this place so much when you went MIA that you need to spend as much time as you can here, even when you aren't being paid to do it?"

I shrugged. Lucy knew that I'd been going through some personal stuff, but I hadn't given any of my coworkers an explanation as to where I'd been other than that I'd gone out of town with a friend for a few days. I wasn't ready to delve into the details of my confused little world with anyone but Kendall and Stephanie yet.

"Nowhere else to be today, but I have some things to take care of, and we have the best tiramisu in town."

"It's only the best when I make it." She grabbed a plate and pulled the dish from the case. "Go ahead and sit. I'll bring it over."

"Thanks."

My favorite table, the one in the corner near the bookshelf, was vacant, so I sat and booted my laptop up. I needed to find a new place to live. I couldn't stay in the same house forever, partly because there were too many memories embedded into every fucking surface, but mostly because paying the rent on a single income-and a barista's income at that-wasn't going to work for long.

I searched for apartment rentals in the same neighborhood. I'd known Seattle wasn't the most affordable, but I hadn't realized quite how far out of the realm of possibility single-guy housing fell. I would need either a second job or a roommate unless I wanted to sleep in a cardboard box underneath Ballard Bridge.

Trying to keep calm and deciding I'd deal with one problem at a time, I kept my search to a walkable radius to the university, thinking maybe student housing would be less expensive than other areas of the city. Besides, I still hadn't decided whether or not I wanted to go back to school.

Right now, working at the cafe wasn't making the most of my degree, but even with the education I _did_ have, I would be hard-pressed to find something that paid better than my current job.

The market for fresh grads with nothing more than a bachelor's degree and no actual experience wasn't as welcoming as it had been twenty years ago. Even thinking about what my future held left me feeling a little lost.

A Lucy-shaped shadow fell across the table, and I looked up to see her standing over me, holding a plate with a giant piece of tiramisu. I slid my laptop over to make space.

"Thanks." I said as she set it down. "Do you want some?"

Before I'd even finished the sentence, she'd pulled out the chair opposite me and was digging a fork from the pocket of her apron.

"Whatcha looking at?" She asked, leaning over to see my screen as she dug into the dessert.

"A new place to live."

"What's wrong with your place?" She shoved the forkful into her mouth, but that didn't keep her from continuing to talk. "Don't tell me Stephanie's preggo. You need more bedrooms for a nursery or something?"

"Uh, no." I took a breath. I wasn't going to be able to dodge the subject forever. "Stephanie and I broke up."

She set the fork down on the side of the plate and stared at me. "For real?"

"Yeah."

"Shit. I'm sorry. That sucks." The look she gave me was one of true sympathy. "You need me to cut a bitch?"

I laughed. "No. Thanks for the offer, though." I took another breath. "It was my choice."

"Why?" Her eyes met mine, and I could read the surprise there. Apparently, I'd done such an amazing job at playing the doting hetero boyfriend that no one had noticed my heart belonged to someone else. She waved the fork through the air. "Sorry. That's none of my business."

I could have shrugged it off or given some vague response or even lied, but I realized suddenly that somewhere in the last two years, I'd come to consider Lucy my friend. More than that, this was who I was.

The night I'd told Stephanie the truth was the night I'd inadvertently set in motion my own sort of revolution. Coming out would be a slow process, and maybe not every time I told someone I'd be accepted with open arms, but this was me, and I wanted people to know that. Especially those people who were close to me.

"It's okay." I told her, picking up my fork. The motion was casual, even though this was anything but. "I'm gay."

My heart was in my throat, pounding so hard that even if I could have taken a bite, there was no fucking way I could have swallowed it. Time stretched out, the ten seconds it took her to react seeming like a week instead.

Finally, she smiled. "Yeah, I can see how that might put a wrench into the relationship."

I blew out a long breath, willing my pulse to slow.

"If you're looking for a place to move, my brother is looking for a roommate. His buddy moved out last month, and he hasn't been able to find any non-psychos yet. I can give you his details if you want."

Relief washed through me. "Yeah. That'd be great, actually. He lives close by?"

"Right off campus. He's got two years left of undergrad. Criminology major." She paused. "And LGBT-friendly." She paused again, a little longer this time. "And he's single."

My head snapped up. "What?"

She lifted her hands in a defensive gesture. "Just mentioning it. You know, just in case."

"Your brother's gay?"

"Bi."

"Hmm."

"Hmm, like, you're considering making sweet, sweet love with him?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "I've never met the guy, but I'm gonna guess he wouldn't appreciate you pimping him out to anyone with a dick."

She grabbed my chin and squeezed gently. "Yeah, well you're not just anyone." She dropped her hand. "And if you happened to be my brother-in-law someday, I gotta say, I wouldn't be all that upset about it. You're a hell of a lot more charming that the guy he brought home for Thanksgiving last year. My mom about had a stroke."

"What happened?"

"The guy showed up almost an hour late, drunk off his ass. Sat down to eat and somehow managed to pile the entire bowl of mashed potatoes on his plate. No one else got any. At this point, my mom is keeping her cool, but after dinner, he gets up without saying anything, goes out to the back porch, and lights up a joint. Smokes the whole thing with the smoke wafting in through the kitchen window."

"Okay, yeah. That's pretty bad."

"Yep. Now my mom won't allow the name 'Brian' to be said in our house. She calls Justin's ex Cheech."

"That's both horrible and hilarious."

She shrugged. "Our mom has high standards when it comes to dosing out her approval of the people we date. At least she has a sense of humor about it, though."

"And you think I'd make the cut?"

"In a heartbeat. You're good people, James. Of course you would." She dug into her pocket and retrieved her phone. After swiping the screen a few times, she turned it so I could see. "That's my brother."

I had to admit, he was attractive. Brown eyes like his sister, but his hair was blonde as opposed to Lucy's red-streaked black, and he had one of those smiles that belonged in glossy magazine ads.

"Interested?"

I laughed. "In him as a roommate, maybe. Anything else, probably not. Not that he's not attractive."

"The only possible explanation for you not wanting to hit that is that there's someone else."

"Do you always talk about your brother like that?"

"Nice try changing the subject. Is it Kendall?"

For the second time, my head whipped up. "What?"

"I've seen him. Shirtless, in fact. If you're not in love with that man, there's something seriously wrong with you."

"When the hell did you see him shirtless?"

"Last summer at that fundraiser for the burn unit at the hospital. All the firemen. Washing cars. Shirtless. Fuck, dude, I think about that day _constantly_."

"He _does_ look pretty good without his clothes…"

Lucy smacked me. "I knew it! Wait. You've seen him naked? Tell me you have pictures." She leaned in closer. "Tell me there are pictures, James."

"Sadly, there are not."

"I hate you a little bit."

I shrugged. "Nothing I can do about that."

* * *

"What do you feel like doing today?" James asked.

I buried my face against the curve of his neck, inhaling as I curled my arms around his waist and pulled him harder against me. There was still something faintly outdoorsy about the way he smelled, as though he'd been visiting the lake without me while I'd been at work.

It was my first day off in what felt like months, and the first full day I'd been able to spend time with James since we got back from the cabin. I'd woken up before the sun, impatient to get over here, to forget about everything else for a while and just be with James.

Standing there with him, my body wrapped around his, even though we'd barely made it six steps into his house, was the best I'd felt in ages, like his very presence was enough to soothe away any of the stress that had built up since I'd seen him last.

He was another world to me, this dream-like world where, the second I was with him, I was transported away and it was him and me and nothing else mattered. I never wanted to leave.

"I can think of some very creative ways to spend our time." I murmured against his skin, and he shivered as I slipped my fingers beneath the waistband of his shorts.

"That sounds-"

I kissed him hard, cutting him off because I knew he felt the same way I did. "First, I'm gonna feed you, because you're going to need all the energy you can get for the rest of the day."

"Are we going out?" James asked, his voice hopeful.

"Out?"

"Yeah. Breakfast at Dixie's or something?"

I exhaled, stalling for a second while my brain launched into overdrive. A date. In public. With James.

Ice flowed through my veins just thinking about it. What if Jo saw us? Or one of the guys from the station? I wasn't ready to have that conversation with them. Maybe that was insane. I'd been out with James for breakfast a thousand times, but I couldn't shake the idea that people looking at us would just _know_.

"We could stay in if you don't feel like going out." James offered, giving me an out. "I'm pretty sure I've got stuff here to make something. I just thought you'd be tired from work and wouldn't want to mess around with cooking."

"I don't mind cooking." I said, giving James one last quick kiss before heading to the kitchen. I could hear him following behind me, and I was so relieved he hadn't pushed the idea of going out.

I couldn't hide away with him forever, I knew that.

I also didn't know what the fuck I would do when it came time to actually take our relationship out of the house.

I was so fucked.

But that was something to worry about later. It wasn't a problem until it was a problem. For now, we could keep things quiet, keep things between us, until I had a chance to figure out how to move things forward.

I ducked into the fridge and grabbed all the stuff I'd need.

"Omelets okay?" I asked, piling the ingredients next to the stove.

"Sounds perfect."

James boosted himself up onto the counter next to where I was going to work. I stepped over to him and pulled his shirt off over his head before leaning in to kiss his stomach. I liked this angle, with him almost a head higher than me. It brought different spots into reach. I snaked my arms around him and tilted my face so he could lean in and kiss me.

It brought back memories of the kitchen at the cabin, and I was hard in less than a heartbeat.

"I did something big yesterday." James said, gasping quietly as I licked a path down his chest.

"What's that?"

"I came out to Lucy."

I froze and looked up at him, his eyes meeting mine. I could read the excitement there, but all I felt was a cold wash of dread.

"What did she say?"

"She wants to set me up with her brother."

"What?"

James shrugged. "Apparently he's bi and he's single and she thought we'd hit it off."

There was a fragment of my brain that struggled to be jealous. The idea of James with anyone else made me seethe, but at that particular moment, the jealousy was strangled out by the dread welling up in my chest.

"And what did you say?"

"I told her I wasn't interested."

"Did you tell her about us?" I tried to keep the panic out of my voice, tried not to let James know that the idea of people finding out about us had my stomach twisting into a cold knot of terror.

"No. I don't think so."

"You don't think so?" I swallowed and tried not to panic. "How are you not sure?"

"She knows I have feelings for you. It was one of the first questions she asked. She told me that if I didn't want you, there was something wrong with me."

"But you didn't tell her we were together?"

"Jesus, Kendall, no." He glared at me. "But if I did, would that really be the worst thing? I'm not saying put an ad out in the Seattle Times, but would Lucy knowing be so bad? She knows about me. Her brother is bi, for Christ's sake. Obviously, she's not fucking homophobic, and I know she wouldn't say anything to anyone."

"Doesn't matter who they are. I don't want anyone to know." I blurted before I could stop myself. "I'm not ready for that."

I dropped my hand from where it rested on James' hip. It was such a small movement, but I might as well have pushed him clear away from me. His face fell, and I knew something bigger was happening.

"Kendall?"

"I don't know." My head was spinning. "When we were at the cabin… I don't know. It was different up there. I didn't realize how much about our lives we ignored when it was just you and me, but being back home, we don't live in a bubble. There's real-world stuff that gets affected by this, real-life people."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know."

"Is this… are you…" He huffed a frustrated sigh. "Do you want to keep doing this?" He gestured between us, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn't have an answer for him because I had no idea what I wanted.

The mood between us shifted. I could feel it, and I knew James could too. I ran my fingers through my hair, my heart pounding. "I don't fucking know, Jay. I don't know what to do about any of this. I can't upend my life to be with you. It's not like flipping a light switch. 'Ta-da! I'm gay now.' It's not that easy."

James hopped off the counter and turned, the curve of his naked back vulnerable. "I'm aware, Kendall." He pulled his shirt back on. It felt like the end of something, and I found it hard to swallow around the lump in my throat.

"Look, James, I'm sorry."

I wanted to pull into my arms, to erase everything I'd said. It was stupid. He was everything to me, but things in Pine Bluff had been so much fucking simpler, and being home… it was more than I could deal with. So instead of holding him, instead of kissing away everything I'd said, I froze.

"I should go."

"Kendall, wait."

"I'll call you later." And like a coward, I slunk from the kitchen and out the front door.

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah. Looks like things have come to a head and are kind of rocky between Kames at the moment. But on the bright side, James came out to Lucy, who was completely okay with it!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will more than likely be up sometime this weekend. If not by the weekend, then it'll be up early next week for sure!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello everyone! Me again! :P**

 **Before we get started with this, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hoep you all enjoy!**

* * *

 **Dak:** _Did I finally catch you on a day you're free? Or are we gonna play text tag for another week?_

I grinned at my phone, and it felt like the first time I'd cracked a smile in days.

I typed a message back. I couldn't sit around my house and wallow forever. If Kendall and I were done, there was nothing I could do about it. Maybe my life was in shambles, but it wasn't a permanent state. I had the power to change my circumstances, even if I didn't have the power to make Kendall love me the way I wanted him to.

The first step was figuring out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life, and there was a good chance Dak could help me with that.

I felt bad that it had taken me so long to get back to him. He'd texted me a few days after I'd gotten home from the cabin, but we'd yet to actually make solid plans. I'd been busy, but more than that, I hadn't been up to socializing.

 **Me:** _Yeah. Today works. What'd you have in mind?_

 **Dak:** _I just finished up a meeting with my prof. If you're not busy, you wanna meet me on campus? Agua Fresco has great tacos._

 **Me:** _Well, I'm always down for tacos._

 **Dak:** _Awesome. See ya there._

I shoved my phone into my pocket and headed out toward the school, letting the sun bake into my skin as I did. The rainy season-rainier, anway-would be on us soon, and the sun would be missing for months.

I loved the fall in Seattle, but not as much as I loved the summer, so even though my heart was turning to dust in my chest, I was determined to enjoy the last few weeks of warmer weather.

It was only a short walk from the house to the campus, and while the University of Washington was no longer my school, the grounds still felt like home. I'd spent so many hours here, in class or studying, that it was more familiar to me than almost anywhere in Seattle, and so it was the perfect place to spend the day.

"Hey, stranger."

Dak's voice came from behind me, and I turned to see him walking down the sidewalk, the bridge in the distance behind him.

"Hey. How'd your meeting go?"

"Not bad. My stomach kept growling, though, so much so that it got awkward. It knew the tacos were coming before my brain did."

I laughed. "Well, lett's not keep you waiting too much longer, then, huh?"

"Let's go."

I followed Dak inside, where we were seated on the patio overlooking the marina.

"I didn't even know this place was here." I said, gazing out over the boats, the sun glittering off the water. It was almost hard to believe we were still on campus. I realized then I should have spent more time exploring.

"My boyfriend brought me here freshman year for the first time. I started coming here as part of my post-exam ritual. Tacos and Mexican beer seem to have this magical way of erasing stress. Now I come here because the food is fucking good and I'm stressed all the time."

"Is grad school that bad?"

"Yes and no. It's a lot more concentrated than undergrad was. More intense. But I'm studying something I'm passionate about, without having to take a lot of required courses that never seemed to matter to my major. So, I guess the short answer is that it's more work, but it's work that I'm actually interested in."

I nodded, considering his answer. I wasn't afraid of hard work.

"You're still thinking of going back?"

I nodded again. "I'm leaning that way, yeah. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel like I'm done with academia."

"I understand that feeling completely."

The conversation took a brief pause when the waiter brought over the tortilla chips and chipotle salsa we'd ordered when we sat down.

"So then what now?" Dak asked once the waiter had gone.

"I'm still not sure what I want to do when I'm done. I graduated from high school and applied to college because that's what you do after high school. I had no idea what I wanted to study, so I took a shit mix of classes my first year and picked my major based on the lectures I didn't fall asleep in."

Dak chuckled. "Seems like a logical enough approach to me."

"I guess it is. It's just that most people I know had an idea of what they wanted to do, what career they wanted to have when they were done, and so they took classes based on that. I took classes to try to figure out who hell I was."

"I think you'd be surprised how many people are in the same boat you are. Not everyone has a clear picture of what their life is going to be five or ten years down the road. I don't. I'm still undecided if I want to go the academic route and continue with research and maybe teach, or if I want to enter the private sector. I've got some time to think about it, but not too much. That's what my meeting was about."

"What does your professor think?"

"She told me she has no opinion, but I know she's hoping I stick to the academic side of things."

"It's nice that you have someone to bounce ideas off of."

"So do you." Dak grinned, gesturing to himself.

"You're right. And I think I'm going to look into applying."

"You might as well. You might have missed the deadline for this year, but send in your application anyway. You never know. Plus, UW isn't the only university to offer graduate programs. You could apply anywhere you want."

It was so obvious, and yet I didn't know why I'd never considered that option.

Scratch that, I knew exactly why. The thought of leaving Seattle, of everything I'd ever known, the people I'd grown up with, my family, friends, and most importantly, Kendall, had never seemed worth it.

Anything I'd ever needed or wanted was here, but now, everything has changed. My family would always be my family, but Stephanie and I were barely speaking, and I had no fucking idea where things stood with Kendall and me.

"What?" Dak stared at me, looking a little worried. "Did I say something offensive?"

I leaned back in my chair. "No, it's not you. I was off in my own world. It's just...until now, leaving Seattle had never seemed like a possibility, but I don't know. Things in my life have suddenly become a lot more flexible."

"Does this have anything to do with that other guy? Kendall? Are you guys not together anymore?"

"How did you…"

"I saw you guys on the beach that day, plus the way he got all alpha macho man on me when I got your number made it pretty obvious."

I leaned forward again and lowered my voice. I don't know why, but the conversation seemed too private to be having out in the open. No one here knew Kendall, but it didn't keep me from feeling like I was betraying his confidence. I needed someone to talk to. Stephanie was out of the question, and Lucy, though she meant well, wasn't the most level-headed when it came to relationship advice.

"This is all new for him. Before we went to the cabin… we'd never… I mean, he never even considered being with another guy."

"And he's freaking out now?"

"I think he's got it in his head that I'm going to resent him for wanted to keep things quiet for a while. I get why he'd want to. I don't want to pressure him, but at the same time, I don't want him to be afraid to be with me either. I don't know. It's all very confusing."

I shoved a chip in my mouth and chewed slowly, waiting for Dak to say something, but he just looked me, waiting for me to continue.

"God knows I have no right to guilt him into coming out. I'd figured out my sexuality out a long fucking time ago, and it took me this long to summon the courage to tell the people I love. He's still trying to work out where he fits, and yeah, I'll admit that there's a part of me that's tapping my foot, anxious for him to shout from the rooftops that I'm his. But still, I can keep that part in check."

Dak smiled gently. "You're right. There's a need to be patient here. You need to give him time to sort through his feelings, and his hang-ups. I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert, not even close, but he's probably got some deep-seated stuff going on if it's taken him this long to admit he's also attracted to guys."

I shrugged, conflicting emotions stirring through me. "I don't know. I'm not sure what to do about all of this. I love him. I'd wait an eternity for him to be ready to love me back the same way. Christ, I already have in a way… But I hate how it makes me feel to be the undercover boyfriend, masquerading myself as just his friend." I took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"I spent so long convincing myself that I was okay with only being his friend for the rest of my life… and then the cabin happened, and I got this taste of what it would be like to be with him. To _really_ be with him. It's hard to go back."

"You're not going back. You're just on pause in public. But I do think you need to talk to him about this stuff because it's not going to magically resolve itself on its own, and he needs to hear how you feel. Outright and blatantly."

"I'm not convinced that'll make much of a difference."

"He's gotta know how this makes you feel. How his actions are affecting you. I get that you want to be patient with him, and you should be. But there are two people in this relationship, and his feelings aren't the only ones that matter. That being said, though, neither are yours."

I nodded. Dak was right.

"No wonder you study psychology. You'd make a great therapist."

He chuckled. "Thanks. I'll send you my bill."

* * *

"Can you please watch what the fuck you're doing?" Jett snapped, and I looked behind me to see him standing there, anger contorting his features. "You almost took me out with the barbell."

"Sorry. I zoned out."

"Yeah, well, don't."

"Jesus Christ. I said I was sorry." Anger flared in my chest. "Now back the fuck off."

"Boys, do I need to send you to opposite corners?" Logan asked, stepping between us.

"I'm fine." I grumbled, walking away from Jett, my hands balled into fists.

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you." Logan said, walking after me. "You've been a jerk all week, and honestly, it's getting a little old."

"I'm fine." I repeated.

"No, you're not. I don't know what's going on with you. First, you take off for a week with no notice, and then when you get back, you're this cranky asshole who can't seem to concentrate on anything. You look like you haven't shaved all week, you've got dark circles under your eyes, and you uniform looks like you picked it up out of a dumpster. So, no, you're not fine." He said. He sounded angry, but the more he looked at me, the more his features softened. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked softly.

"No." I said, more anger in my voice than I intended.

"Fine." He said, shaking his head. "Just...can you please check the attitude? You're gonna scare all the kids."

The kids. I'd almost forgotten we were going on a community run at the end of shift.

"Okay. Yeah, I got it." I snapped before walking away.

I was too angry to think straight. All I wanted to do was go home, but home was somehow worse. Home was the place I had the time and space to let everything that had happened haunt me.

I was fucking miserable, suffering harder than I ever had before over any breakup I'd had with Jo. Because that's what this was, wasn't it? A breakup.

I missed James.

I wanted to call him, to tell him I was an idiot, to beg him to give me another chance, but what right did I have to do that? I still felt conflicted about what our future looked like. I was still anxious thinking about telling the guys I worked with, my parents, our friends, that I was in a relationship with him.

It wasn't fair to ask him to hide who he was anymore. He'd come out. He'd made the decision to tell the truth, and who was I to force him to take that all back?

He was braver than I was, that's all there was to it.

I shoved aside my thoughts of James for the time being, though, because with three hours left in my shift, we were set to visit Parkcrest Elementary, who was having their annual carnival night as a fundraiser. Jett's little brother was in the sixth grade there, so we'd been showing up with the pumper truck every year for a while now. The kids always got a kick out of it, and it helped raise money for a good cause.

"Get in the rig, dick bag." Jett called from across the bay. We talked shit to each other every day, but hearing the insult fly from his mouth hit me hard, spiking my anger once again.

I grabbed my bunker gear and stepped up onto the truck, my temper boiling beneath my skin.

XxX

By the time we pulled into the parking lot at Parkcrest, I'd managed to mostly calm myself down. Three hours until I could go home and go a few rounds with the punching bag that hung in the corner of my room, but for now, I'd plaster a smile on my face and hang out with a bunch of little kids who looked at us like we were goddamn superheroes.

Before we could even step off the truck, there were kids swarming, their teachers and parents hanging back with big smiles on their faces. My mood was lifting already.

We spent the next two hours demonstrating the sirens and lights, manning a fire safety-themed ring toss, and ensuring the kids didn't trample each other to death in a stampede to climb up and get their picture taken 'driving' the fire truck.

One of the guys from the other platoon was dressed in the dalmation costume we kept for events like this, and I thanked my lucky stars I wasn't the one stuck in the foam-and-fur outfit. Despite the fact that fall was approaching, summer was still in full swing, and even as the sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, the temperature was still way too high to be prancing around in that getup.

"Kendall." I turned away from the dalmation doing the macarena with such enthusiasm that his tail almost knocked a third grader over to see Jett approaching me, a woman walking next to him. "Kendall, this is Amelia. Amelia, Kendall."

"Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." She said, a light blush staining her cheeks.

"Amelia is a teacher here." Jett said.

"What grade?" I asked, for lack of anything else to say. We'd been doing this for the last few years, and this was the first time Jett had bothered to introduce me to anyone.

"Kindergarten." She supplied, her hands clasped neatly in front of her skirt. I could imagine her teaching a kindergarten class. Her soft voice and softer curls seemed to exude an air of quiet patience, as though she'd been born for reading fairy tales and finger painting with pastels.

"That sounds like it would be… rewarding."

"It is. I love my job."

"That's great."

From the other side of the playground came a high-pitched shriek, followed by equally high-pitched crying.

"That's one of mine. Excuse me." She dashed off in the direction of the distraught little girl as another woman scooped her up off the ground and cradled her close.

"What was that, dude?" Jett said, staring at me like I was the dumbest guy on the planet.

"What was what?"

"Sounds rewarding." He mimicked with heavy mocking in his voice. "Aren't you supposed to have at least some game? I know you've been out of the scene dating Jo for way too long, but she's not the only woman you've been with, right?"

"What?"

"Amelia. She likes you."

"I met her thirty-six seconds ago."

"Yeah, but what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you see her? She's hot. She's great with kids. Plus, she's very single."

"Maybe you should date her, then?"

Jett scoffed. "My wife would have my testicles."

"I'm not interested."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I'm just not."

"You're an idiot." Jett shook his head. "At least talk to her a minute. I don't think you should write her off so quickly."

"I'm not-"

"Sorry about that." Amelia said, showing up just as I'd been planning to make an escape. "One of the hazards of the job, unfortunately."

"Kendall knows all about hazards of the job." Jett winked at me before Amelia could notice. "I need to find my wife. I'll let you two get to know each other better."

And just like that, he wandered off, leaving me alone with Amelia, who looked at me with those doe eyes that, two months ago, would have probably had me hard in seconds. Now, all I could think about was that her eyes weren't as enticing as James'.

"I can imagine your job is very dangerous."

I shrugged. "Rarely. Most of the time the calls are false alarms or picking up someone up off the floor."

"Oh. Well… that's an important job, too."

"I'm sorry." I said, lowering my voice. "I don't mean to rude. I know Jett probably told you I was available and looking to date, but that's not entirely true."

"You're not single?"

"I am, but I'm not exactly available. I just broke up with someone, and I'm not dealing with it all that well."

"Oh. Okay." She sounded confused. "I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay. It's not you. I'm…in a weird place right now."

She laughed half-heartedly. "I understand. I was there recently myself. Not exactly a fun place to visit."

I had the sudden urge to pour my heart out to this stranger. There was something about her, the calm way she spoke or the unassuming way she moved… It was inviting.

Instead, I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I get it. But if you change your mind…"

"I don't think that's possible." I said, shaking my head. "I love him too much."

The words were out of my mouth before I could process I'd even said them, and to be honest, I wasn't sure what I was more surprised about. The fact that I hadn't realized I'd gone and fallen in love with my best friend, or that I'd come out to a perfect stranger, surrounded by co-workers, any of whom could have overheard my declaration.

But the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that what I'd said to Amelia, who was still standing there looking somewhat stunned, was the complete truth.

I loved James.

I loved him more than anything.

And ultimately, that was the only thing that mattered.

I apologized to Amelia one more time, then excused myself to find Logan.

"Are we done here?" I asked once I'd found him. I was itching to get going.

"What's your hurry?" He asked.

"I've got somewhere to be."

"Is everything okay?" He asked, concern clouding his features.

"Not really, but they will be."

XxX

The ride back to the station was a clarifying one. I listened to the guys bullshitting with each other as Beau drove the truck, but all I could think about was what I'd said to Amelia.

I loved James.

Of course I did. I always had, but that's not what I'd meant when I said it. Not even close.

I was head over heels, heart pounding, completely in fucking love with him.

The only question now was what the fuck was I going to do about it?

My fear of the fallout hadn't changed. It was a living, breathing monster that would consume me if I let it. But maybe that was the key.

Only if I let it.

Was I going to let the fear of other people's opinions of me dictate my happiness? I'd never considered myself to be someone whose self-worth rested on the judgements of others, but maybe I did need that validation.

The voice inside my head sounded like a fucking shrink, but fuck, it was right. James' opinion was the only one that mattered.

I still had no idea how to do this, but there was one thing that was startlingly clear. I loved James. I wanted to be with him. And nothing else mattered as much as that.

Now I just needed to tell him.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like James and Kendall have both come to their own realizations this chapter.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter should be up sometime this week, so there hopefully won't be too long of a wait for that. :P**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, this was originally going to go up this weekend, but since it's a shorter chapter, I decided to go ahead and post it now.**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and winterschild11 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"You want any more?" I gestured to the nearly empty cardboard boxes that had held the sweet and sour pork, chicken chow mein, and beef and broccoli less than half an hour ago.

"No, thanks. I've had enough, and if Tyler knew I'd gorged myself on Chinese takeout, he wouldn't be all that pleased."

I picked up some of the dishes, balancing them in my arms as I reached for the utensils still on the table. "Why would he be mad?"

"He's got me on this low-sodium, dairy-free, no-carb diet because he's convinced I'm going to die of heart disease if I don't start eating healthy now." Dak shook his head. "He means well, and I really like this guy, so if that means having to eat macerated cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes, I'll do it."

"That's love." I said, not even bothering to hide my laughter.

He joined in. "Not yet, but it has a good chance to become that. I haven't felt this way about a guy in a long time."

"I'm happy you found someone."

Dak set his fork down, shooting me an emphatic look that made my stomach flip. "I still think Kendall is going to come around."

I laughed again, this time, though, without humor. "You got a sense of him from the twelve minutes you spent with him?"

"I saw how he looked at you. I saw the way he touched you. I have no doubts that he's in love. Maybe he just hasn't realized it yet."

"I'm not as convinced as you are. You didn't see him the other day."

"No, but I don't think I misread what I saw up at the lake. Have you talked to him since then?"

I shook my head. "No, but it's not from lack of trying on my part. I've called him a few times, left messages and sent texts, but he hasn't responded to anything."

"You haven't gone to his place?"

"That's overstepping, I think."

Dak paused, seeming to consider it. "Maybe. But if Kendall is who you want to be with, you can't sit around and wait for him to figure his shit out. Maybe you need to go to his place and give him a little push in the right direction. There needs to be some sort of catalyst. You just have to figure out what that catalyst is."

"That's the thing, though. I don't want to push." I scrubbed a hand down my face. "Do I want a normal relationship with him? The kind where I can ask him to breakfast without him dissolving into a full-on panic? Yeah. Of fucking course I do."

"I don't think that's unreasonable."

"Neither do I. But it's not right to try and influence his choice to come out either."

"I'm not saying you have to." Dak leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "All I'm saying is that he doesn't know where your head is at because you guys haven't actually discussed it. If I'm understanding you right, you spent the whole week at the cabin avoiding talking about what would happen when you got home. And now that you're home, he freaks out at the slightest chance someone might find out about you two, takes off, and you leave the ball in his court."

"Where else am I supposed to leave it? It's not my decision."

"Nope. It's not. But there's a severe lack of communication happening here."

I considered what Dak said, and fuck, he was so right. Kendall and I hadn't discussed any of the important shit that needed to be talked about, and yet, Kendall had made it very clear on where he currently stood.

I sighed. "I don't think there's anything that's going to force him to change his mind on this. Maybe he'll come to a different conclusion on his own, but Kendall isn't the type of guy that has ever been easily swayed by what someone else has said."

"Sounds to me like he's being swayed by other people right now, or he'd be here instead of me." Dak shrugged. "I don't know. You know him better than I do. I'm just saying that sometimes it takes a little nudging in the right direction from an outside force. It wasn't until I saw Tyler flirting with some guy in line at the coffee cart that I got my ass in gear and asked for his number."

"Too bad you're so in love with your boyfriend, or you could have pretended to be mine to make Kendall jealous."

Dak laughed. "It's called acting, my friend, and I'll have you know I played the broccoli in the second grade play and my aunt told me I was the second-best broccoli crown she'd ever seen on stage."

"Impressive credentials."

"It's the closest I'll ever get to an Academy Award."

Maybe Dak was right. I'd been waiting for Kendall to realize he'd made a mistake and he wanted to be with me after all, but waiting around never did anyone any good. I wasn't willing to throw away what we had over a ten-minute conversation that had gone sideways.

I understood where Kendall was coming from. I really did.

Coming out, revealing that part of yourself to people who'd known you to be something else your whole life... it wasn't a throwaway gesture. There were real-world implications and consequences, and I got that. I could be patient. All I needed was for Kendall to see that I was worth it to take that chance for one day.

"I should probably get going." Dak said as he slid the last dirty plate into the dishwasher.

I clicked the Tupperware lid into place and set it in the fridge.

"Okay, I'll walk you out."

I followed him down the hallway, pausing to wait for him to slip his jacket and shoes on. The autumn rain had started up already, and there was a steady downpour outside.

"Thanks again for your help with the applications." I said.

"No problem. I have a really good feeling about your chances of getting in. You'll have your choice of programs."

I opened the door for Dak. "That would be nice. I'm still not sure where I want to end up."

"You'll figure it out. And if you ever need to talk about it or anything, I'm here." He stood, looking past me. He squinted, and then a slow grin stretched across his face.

I turned around, following his line of sight to see Kendall standing on the sidewalk in front of my house. He was absolutely drenched and currently staring daggers at Dak.

"Well, I should probably get out of here before I get beaten to a pulp." Dak said with a grin. "See ya later, James."

He dashed out the door and was in his car before Kendall had even made it halfway across my lawn.

"What the fuck, James?" He said, grabbing me and pushing me up against the wall.

His grip was tight, his eyes intense, and he breathed hard enough he could have sprinted over from his house and not been that winded. I stared at him, mad as I'd ever seen him, and the longer that knowledge settled over me, the angrier I became.

I pushed him off me, rolling my shoulders to straighten my shirt.

"What the fuck, what, Kendall?"

"You're with _Dak_ now?" The way Kendall said his name made it sound like I'd been fucking the enemy. He speared his fingers through his hair. "You're seriously with him, just like that? Four days after…"

"After what? After you fucking walked out on me for no fucking reason? After _that_ , you mean?"

His shoulders sagged a little. "I didn't. I wasn't...I didn't mean…"

Some of the fight had gone out of him, but I wasn't ready to concede. He deserved to suffer a little, at least for another minute or two. "You left, Kendall, and I haven't heard from you. You didn't call me, answer messages, anything. So what the hell was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know." He looked up at me, and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. "But I didn't think you'd jump into something with someone new after four fucking days, Jay."

"I didn't."

"What?" He furrowed his brow. "I saw-"

"I'm not with Dak. He has a boyfriend. And you're an asshole."

"Oh…"

* * *

James was pissed, and I couldn't blame him. He was right. I was acting like an asshole.

"Get inside and get dried off. You're dripping all over the floor." He said, leaving me soaking wet in the entranceway as he ventured back into the house. I toed off my shoes and followed him in, grabbing a towel from the bathroom on my way to the kitchen.

James stood over the stove, the kettle steaming as he poured water into a teapot.

"Tea? Really?" I asked, wondering when he'd suddenly developed a taste for Earl Grey.

He turned, the tea bag dangling from his hand. "I can't believe you thought I would force you out of the closet. You're such an idiot."

"I wasn't that-"

He turned back away from me before I could finish, dropping the bag into the pot and sliding the lid on. "You're so full of shit. You honestly think that, knowing how difficult it is, how personal a decision that is, that I'd have given you some kind of ultimatum? Fuck you for thinking that, Kendall. You should have fucking stayed and talked to me. Or you know, returned a fucking phone call."

I walked over to him, then set my hands on his shoulders and leaned in closer as he poured two cups. I just wanted to be near him. I hated he craggy divide I'd dug between us. "I'm sorry. I freaked out. Things were so perfect when we were up at the cabin, and then real life crept in and I panicked about what things would look like once we were home."

"I get that. I get that better than anyone, but you taking off and then avoiding me isn't the way to figure it out." He slowly turned around. "If you needed space, then fine, but don't shut me out. How the hell was I supposed to know what was going through your head? I didn't know if we were done, or if you needed time, or what."

"I said I was sorry."

"I am, too." James said, surprising me. "I'm still navigating my way through this too. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I _want_ you to want to be with me, but you have to know I'm not going to pressure you into anything."

"I know that, Jay. I don't know if I ever really thought you would have, but I was just so fucking afraid that someone would find out, even if we didn't make it public…"

James exhaled, and I grabbed him, pulling him to me. I couldn't not touch him… I needed that physical connection. It felt like it had been years since I'd last seen him, and longer since I'd been able to just be with him without all the added noise and stress of my life impinging on us.

I took the cup from his hands and set it on the counter. "I didn't come here to fight. I came here to tell you something." My heart ratcheted up sixteen notches, and I suddenly felt like I was going to vomit.

When it came to grand gestures, this didn't even make the list, but to me, it felt huge.

I took a breath and locked eyes with him.

"I love you. Whatever it takes to make this work, whatever I have to do to be with you, I'm going to do it. Because you matter more to me than anything or anyone else."

He stared at me, and for the first time maybe ever, I couldn't decipher what he was thinking. This was an expression I'd never seen before, until it transformed into one I knew inside and out.

Happiness.

And I knew my face reflected it right back to him. With the adrenaline coursing through me, my mouth launched into overdrive, not bothering to give James a chance to respond. "I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you how I feel. I needed time and space to try to reconcile the me I was before we left for the cabin and the me I am now. I'm different. Being up there with you, it changed me. Or maybe it just opened my eyes to who I was. I've loved you forever, I just never realized I could be _in_ love with you at the same time."

Throwing his arms around my neck, he kissed me. "I love you too. I've always loved you."

"Always?" That one word pierced me right through the heart. I overflowed with a rush of emotions I didn't even have a name for.

"Since before I could even put a name on it."

"And you never told me…"

"It was safer to hide behind my relationship with Stephanie because admitting that was a lie would mean admitting how I felt about you. And I couldn't. I was terrified I'd lose you."

"I don't think anything you could have done would ever drive me away."

He cocked one eyebrow. "Says the guy who just went MIA on me for almost a week."

I huffed a laugh. "Weirdly enough, that had very little to do with you… and you and I both know there's no force on earth that could keep me away from you."

"I've been falling in love with you for as long as I've known you. It was slow, gradual enough that I didn't even realize it until there was no way back from it, like swimming too far out into the lake, not understanding until you've passed the point of no return that there's nothing to do but succumb to your fate. I've been drowning in you for years"

"That sounds horrible."

James laughed, and the sound of his laughter wrapped around me, comforting as a warm blanket. "It's not. There were times when it did feel like the end of the world, especially when we were kids and that desperate love was topped off with raging hormones. But I knew even if you couldn't love me back the way I loved you, my feelings for you would never change. There's no walking away from a love like this, Kendall. You're it for me."

"You're it for me too, Jay. I have never been able to imagine a life without you, and now, knowing that I can have every part of you...I can't describe it. It took me a long time to realize it, but you're everything I've ever wanted and all I've ever needed."

He hugged me hard enough that it was difficult to breathe. "I love you so fucking much. Nothing else matters. We'll figure it out as we go."

Kissing me again, I let myself concentrate on the way it felt to be happy and in love. "The first thing we need to figure out is where we're going to live. You need to move out of here, and I've been living with the guys from the station for too long. We should look for a place together that's just ours."

"Are you serious?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I wanna be with you, and my schedule is always so insane. If we lived together, I'd be able to see you so much more often."

"Our schedules are about to get even worse." He told me. "Or, at least hopefully they will."

"You want to see less of each other?" I was suddenly confused.

James laughed. "No, but I applied to grad school. That's why Dak was here. He was helping me get my applications in."

"That's awesome! I'm so fucking proud of you." I grabbed him and picked him up, spinning him around and kissing him again. "We should celebrate."

His eyes locked with mine and all I could see was the undercurrent of heat that simmered there. "What'd you have in mind?" He asked.

"Oh, I've got plenty of ideas."

"I guess we'll have to try them all out, one by one."

I trailed my lips along the curve of his neck, savoring the way he shivered when I touched him. "I like the way you think."

* * *

 **Done! So, Kames are back together!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Unfortunately, we've reached the finish line of this story. There are two chapters left of this story, one of which is the epilogue. Both chapters will more than likely be up this weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm sure you're all sick of me by now. :P**

 **Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Surprise surged through me as I pulled open the door to see Kendall standing on the porch. Every time I saw him, he seemed to get hotter. The dark-wash jeans and rugby shirt he had on today clung to him in all the right places, and I could already feel my body responding.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were working today." I stepped aside to let him in.

He shut the door and pulled me to him, kissing me soundly on the mouth as I smiled against his lips, my arms around his neck.

"I was. But you weren't, so I got one of the guys from the other crew to cover me for the day. I thought we could go apartment hunting."

"Really? Now?"

"Anytime. There's a couple of open houses I saw online, and I made two appointments for this afternoon if that's cool with you."

It was more than cool. It was fucking awesome. Things between Kendall and I had been going so incredibly smoothly since everything had come to a head. It was nearly a month later, and while we'd briefly mentioned getting a place together that night, it hadn't come up in conversation again since.

I didn't want to push the issue too hard, preferring to take a step back and let Kendall set the pace for how things went.

We were together, and within the walls of my place, he was all in, no holds barred, _in it_ with me. Everything else would come together, eventually, I knew. There was no need to rush.

I had exactly what I wanted.

I kissed him hard, tangling my fingers in his hair and rubbing up against him. I let him take control, molding my body against his, I loved it when he manhandled me a little. I didn't think it'd ever get old.

"You know, we don't have to go now." He said, his voice a little breathless as he walked me backward and pressed me up against the door. "We have lots of time before the appointments later."

I laughed, tilting my head forward to press my forehead against his. "If I'm this happy about the idea of apartment hunting, imagine how it's gonna be when we actually find one."

He backed up a step to give me space to move away from the door. "You make a good point."

"I know. Let me get my shoes on and we can go."

XxX

The first apartment we looked at smelled like vegetable soup for no clear reason. It wasn't over a restaurant, and it wasn't even ten o'clock in the morning yet.

"Do you think it always smells like this?" I whispered once the property manager had stepped away to talk to someone else.

"Tough to say. Maybe we'd get used to it?"

"For exposed brick, I might take that chance."

The place was nice, if a little small. The appliances in the kitchen had evidently been purchased sometime in the '70s, judging by the harvest-gold finishes.

"What do you think?" Kendall asked.

It was walking distance to campus, and a short drive to the station for him. The location was pretty ideal, but there was something about it that didn't feel right, and it wasn't just the soup smell.

"I don't know. On paper it's good?"

"You wanna keep looking?"

I nodded. "Yeah. This is only the first place."

"Yeah." He agreed. "The next one I found is only two blocks from here."

"Let's go."

We thanked the property manager on the way out and took his card just in case, but I had a feeling we wouldn't be back.

The second open house was even less promising and kind of what I'd expected out of affordable apartment rentals. It was already swarming with potential renters, making the small space look even more cramped. The white walls were somehow a depressing shade of white, and the front door seemed to be literally constructed of paper.

I watched Kendall surveying the room, and I could see him becoming frustrated and I wasn't entirely sure why.

"It's only the second place." I told him. "We'll find something."

He smiled at me, his eyes softening a bit. "I know. I didn't expect it to be easy. The last time I moved, I looked at fifteen different places before I found one that was almost livable."

Three more couples entered then, and the place became even more crowded.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"Always."

We walked out and onto the street, both of us taking a deep breath the minute we were outside. I hadn't realized how stuffy it had been, the air stale and recycled indoors. Kendall looked around.

"Dixie's?"

My stomach was rumbling at the thought, and I could already taste the coffee. The waitress always added the tiniest bit of cinnamon to the cup for me, which gave it this twist of flavor I never could seem to replicate at home.

"I'm always up for Dixie's."

"Let's go."

And then Kendall did something that almost had me tripping over my own feet. Super casually, like it wasn't the most meaningful gesture in the entire fucking world, he reached over, and he took my hand.

To anyone looking on, to anyone who didn't know us, they might just think we were a couple walking down the street, but the enormity of the gesture had my throat constricting and my chest tightening as my heart beat faster.

Neither of us said a word. I couldn't even look at him. I was wearing a dumb fucking grin, and there was nothing on earth that could have wiped it from my face.

Kendall was holding my hand.

In public.

Walking down the fucking street like it was no big thing.

It was only a few blocks to the diner, but by the time we got there, I thought I might have hit overload status on happiness. Kendall dropped my hand as he opened the door for me, and when he walked through, he slid his hand along the small of my back.

"Sit anywhere you like." The waitress called from behind the counter, a pot of coffee in each hand.

Kendall left his hand there, gently leading me through the diner as we chose a booth near the front.

I slid in across from him, the stupid grin from earlier still pasted to my face.

"Shut up." He said, the corner of his mouth turning up in his own stupid grin, and for the first time, maybe ever, I saw Kendall blush.

I laughed out loud, and he shook his head.

"Sorry." I said, picking up the menu that had been left on the table and hiding my face behind it.

The waitress came by then to take our order, and we settled in with our cups of coffee.

"So, the first two places were a bust." Kendall said once she'd gone.

"Yep. But you said we had appointments this afternoon to see a couple of places?"

He nodded. "Both are walking distance from here. The first is a house, actually, but from the ad, it sounded pretty small. I'm not sure it'll work, but I thought it was worth a look. The second is an apartment not far from the last one we were at."

"Did you see picture of both?"

He reached into his pocket to grab his phone, but before he could pull the ads up onto the screen, a voice came from behind him.

"Fucking slacker."

I saw Beau before Kendall did, walking toward our booth with Logan, Carlos, and Jett. Kendall turned in his seat, but I caught his expression before he did, and it was obvious he knew exactly who was behind him even before he got a look.

"You take the day off, and then we find you here sipping a latte and having fucking brunch." Beau said as they sauntered over, the four men standing at the end of our table.

I could already feel my hackles rising. I knew the guys spent most of their time together launching smack talk and hurling insults at each other. I'd never completely understood the frat-boy mentality Beau and Jett had, and when the jabs were directed at Kendall, it had a way of working me up like nothing else. But it never seemed to bother Kendall.

Kendall laughed. "And you motherfuckers are slacking off while on the job. Nice."

Logan shrugged. "Slow morning."

"You seriously booked off to get breakfast?" Jett asked.

My eyes were trained on Kendall. The changes in his expression were subtle, but I could read every single one. There was a fluid narrative that played out on his face. I saw the moment it all changed.

"James and I are apartment hunting." He sat back in the booth. "We're moving in together."

Logan was the first to get it. I watched understanding dawn on him, his mouth actually making an O as he realized what Kendall meant.

"Another roommate? Why would you-" Logan nudged Carlos with his elbow. "Oh."

"What?" Jett was still lost, and my heart was hammering in my throat.

When Kendall spoke, his words came out slow and even, as though he'd uttered the phrase a thousand times before.

"James is my boyfriend."

* * *

"Wait… What?" Jett was looking at me like I'd just told him I was going to quit the fire service to become a cocktail waitress at Hooters.

"He and James are _together_." Logan supplied for me, the faintest hint of a grin playing at his mouth. He was enjoying watching Jett piece everything together.

I'd pictured what this would be like more than once in the weeks since James and I had made up from our fight. This has been the thing that had terrified me the most. My heart was still hammering, and I stared at the guys, trying my fucking hardest to remain casual, taking a sip of my coffee like I hadn't just, with one simple sentence, changed the way they thought about me forever.

Jett's gaze whipped from me to James, back to me, then to Logan.

Beau stepped in. "He's a f-"

Logan elbowed him hard in the ribs before he was even able to finish the sentence. "Enough." He said with enough force that Beau clamped his mouth shut.

I was all in. Go big or go home. Go for broke. Pull out all the stops.

 _All fucking in._

"We should go." Jett said, looking sketched the fuck out.

He and Beau had turned and started walking out the door before I had registered they'd left. Carlos and Logan both shot me a sympathetic look before turning and following them out.

I sat there, stunned for a second, before a wave of resolve washed through me.

"I'll be right back." I told James. Without waiting for a response, I stood and went after them, catching up on the sidewalk outside the diner.

"Hold up a sec." I called, and all four of them stopped just short of the rig. I jogged over, coming to a stop in front of them. I hadn't thought this through, and now that I was here, four sets of eyes trained on me, I wasn't sure what to say. There was an awkward pause of a couple of beats before I went with, "You guys got anything you wanna say to me, now's the time to say it."

Beau crossed his arms over his chest. "I got nothing."

I knew of all the guys on my crew, Beau and Jett were likely going to be the ones who'd be a dick about it. They were both kind of dick's about everything, so this wasn't exactly a shock.

What _was_ a shock was Jett. He still looked shell-shocked, but he didn't seem to be disgusted or upset, just surprised. As for Logan and Carlos, they were both looking at me with small smiles on their faces.

"You caught us off guard, that's all." Logan said. "We had no idea, and then bam! A guy we thought was just a friend for years turns out to be more. We just weren't expecting it, that's all."

"I know how that is." I thought back on the moment James had told me he was gay and the thoughts and emotions that had raced through me all at once.

"So, just like that, you're just gay now?" Jett asked, finally breaking the silent stupor he'd seemed to be in.

"Well… no. It's not like a switch that gets turned off and on. I guess I've always had some attraction to other guys, but it wasn't the same as the attraction I felt for women. If I had to pick a label, I'd go with bisexual, but until James, I had a stronger preference for women than men. Still, though, it was always there."

"You get your rocks off after staring at us in the showers, then?" There was no innocent curiosity to the way Beau had asked the question. It was accusatory and angry.

"No one in their right mind, bi or straight, is looking at you in the shower, Beau." I fired back.

Jett and Carlos laughed, and Logan actually looked a little proud.

"This doesn't change anything." I assured them. "I'm still the same guy, I just have a different partner at home."

"We know." Logan's words were aimed at me, but he was glaring at Beau.

"Yeah, okay." Jett agreed, but Beau was back to steely silence, which was fine. He'd get over it eventually, and if he didn't, well, that was his problem, not mine. I couldn't bring myself to give a fuck how he felt about my sexuality. It was none of his fucking business anyway.

I felt like an idiot for ever letting my fear of what these guys would think keep me from being with James. I'd worried over nothing.

And just as things were becoming almost unbearably uncomfortable, the radio on Logan's shoulder staticked to life and the dispatcher's voice sounded over the channel.

"That's our cue." Logan said, dipping his head in a nod. "See you tomorrow, Ken."

"See ya." I said.

Carlos gave me a wave and a big grin as Jett gave an awkward wave, and then the four of them climbed into the truck.

A second later, they were gone.

I headed back inside to find James, who was sitting in the same place. I sat, the sudden wave of relief leaving me shaking. James realized it a second later and reached across the table and covered my hands with his.

"Adrenaline." I said, half laughing.

"You didn't have to do that." James said, and I could hear the concern just underneath the astonishment.

"I know. But this is real, and there's no reason to hide from those guys. They're going to react however they're going to react whether I tell them now or a year from now."

"I know, but if things get awkward at work-"

"Then that's their issue, not mine. Logan doesn't give a shit. Neither will Carlos. Jett's kind of on the fence, but I think he'll be okay with it once he wraps his head around it. The rest of the guys are wild cards, but it doesn't matter."

He squeezed my hand, and a second wave of relief washed through me. I'd built the whole thing up in my mind to be a huge hurdle, and there was likely going to be some bullshit I'd need to deal with later, but that wasn't important.

"Are you sure?"

"It's a little late now if I wasn't." I teased, but James' face remained serious. It was my turn to squeeze his hand, as though we both needed reassure the other that everything was going to be okay.

"I just don't want you to feel like you were backed into a corner to tell them."

"I wasn't. It's not like they haven't met you a thousand times before. I wasn't forced to tell them. If I hadn't said anything at all, they would have assumed we were just grabbing breakfast."

"We are."

I laughed. "You know what I mean."

He nodded.

"I'd planned to tell them soon, anyway. Other than you, they're the guys I'm closest to. Not telling them felt like lying."

"You really think they're going to be okay with it?"

"Probably."

I had no real way of knowing, no way of gauging what their reaction would be. None of the other guys at the firehouse were gay-at least none who were out, anyway-but most of the guys who'd thrown around homophobic slurs and insults were the old-timers, and most of those guys were either retired or on the verge of retirement. My crew, while they could be a bunch of mouth-breathing assholes at times, probably wouldn't give me too much shit about it.

But the way James was staring at me, like he was ready to get up and run out of the diner after them to tell them it was all a joke, made my heart squeeze.

"It's okay, James. Really. It's all going to be okay."

He nodded once, but still didn't seem convinced and then something dawned on me. "Are you worried they're going to freak out, or I am?"

Huffing a long breath, the corner of his mouth lifted into a half-smile. "A little bit of both, maybe?"

Honestly, I couldn't blame him for worrying. If the shoe was on the other foot, I probably would have felt the same way.

"You don't need to." I assured him. "I'm okay, and I'm not going to let anything derail this. It's you and me. I love you. We deserve to be happy. No one else on the planet matters to me as much as you do."

"I love you, too."

"We're going to make this work." I promised. "And soon it'll be in our new home."

The half-smile became a full one, and the waitress chose that moment to deliver our breakfasts.

XxX

It was nearing the end of our house hunting for the day.

The apartment we'd visited after the diner wasn't any better than the first two, and I knew James was getting discouraged. There was plenty of housing in the city, but I wanted to be picky.

I didn't want the place that James was leaving-the place he'd spent the last four years making into a home-to be leaps and bounds better than the place we were moving to. I wanted to find a place where we could make a new home together, as corny as that sounded.

It had to be perfect.

No vegetable soup smell or depressing white walls.

The last place on the list was a house on the corner of a dead-end street two blocks from the edge of campus. The ad I'd seen hadn't looked all that encouraging. The square footage was less than I'd hoped for, and with our schedules, I didn't know if the responsibility of maintaining a yard was a good idea.

But the second the property came into view, a spark of anticipation lit in my chest.

The house itself was a bit eclectic. A metal roof covered wood-slat walls painted a dark red, and a large brick chimney took up a good portion of one side of the house. The yard was filled with so many trees and bushes that the house was mostly obscured from the road, but there were so many windows-more windows than solid walls-that I was guessing there'd be more than enough natural light streaming in.

"This is the place?" James asked, his voice sounding as hopeful as I felt.

I checked the ad on my phone. "This is the address."

"Are you Kendall?" A woman asked as she walked over from her car parked across the street.

"I am. This is my partner, James." Maybe it was because she was a stranger. Maybe because it was the second time I'd claimed him as mine that day. Whatever it was, telling people I was with James was quickly becoming something I was proud to do.

"It's nice to meet you both." She smiled and shook both our hands. "Shall we?"

We followed her inside, and we'd made it less than halfway through the tour of the house before James turned to me, his voice hushed. "I think this is it."

"I think you're right."

There was something about this place that felt like home, and I couldn't wait to build my life with James here.

* * *

 **Done! Looks like Kames have found a place! And Kendall finally came out to his friends at the station!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed. Unfortunately, the next chapter will be the last. It'll be a short epilogue and will be up tomorrow.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello again everyone! We've reached the final chapter of this story!**

 **Before we get into that, though, I would like to thank everyone that has read this story! I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Guest, and Side1ways for taking the time to review every chapter! I love you guys so much, and your support means the world to me. :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy the final chapter!**

* * *

"Ken, somethings on fire." I pointed out the window to where the flames were leaping from the red domed barbecue we'd bought the weekend before.

It was perched on the edge of the newly restored deck, and I could see the whole thing going up in a giant ball of fire any second.

"It's supposed to do that." He said, waving off my concern.

"I don't think it is." Stephanie said, laughing.

He huffed indignantly. "Would you all trust me? I'm a firefighter. I think I know a thing or two about flames."

"I feel like there's a gay joke in there somewhere." Jo shot him a look to let him know she was teasing.

A full year had passed since the trip to the cabin that had turned my friendship with Kendall on its head.

It had taken a long time, but the pieces of our lives were slowly settling into place. Not everything was perfect. There were still things we were all adjusting to, but snapshots of my life before that trip and my life now...it felt like I was someone else completely.

I knew Kendall felt the same way.

"Here. Let me help you." Stephanie said as she grabbed one of the grilling trays with all the veggies Kendall and I had sliced up earlier and twirled around the door, her dress flowing around as she did.

"Thanks." I said before picking up the other two and following her out to the barbecue where Kendall was now trying to control the raging inferno.

I was glad she'd made the trip out. It had taken a while for Stephanie and me to get back to a place where it didn't hurt to spend time together. We'd started slowly, but we'd done it, and despite the divide I'd forged us for a while, it felt like we were closer than ever.

Spending years hiding who I was from her had done more damage than I'd thought, and once I was able to be open, to be who I truly was around her, our friendship became even stronger.

Breakfasts at Dixie's on Saturday mornings were now a weekly tradition, only this time Kendall tagged along, and in the last month she'd been bringing her new boyfriend as well.

Daniel was a great guy and had even survived the harsh interrogation Kendall and I had launched into the second Stephanie had excused herself to the restroom.

I had to give the guy credit because Kendall could be fucking intimidating when he wanted to be, but Daniel hadn't so much as flinched. When Stephanie returned to the table, there was no mistaking she knew exactly what had happened. The perceptive smile she wore gave it away, though Daniel hadn't yet gotten to know her well enough to read all her expressions.

Kendall had given her a little nod, the movement almost imperceptible, and she'd sat there, radiating happiness.

I was so happy for her that she had found someone to make her smile like that. As much as I'd loved her, and as well was we'd gotten along, I'd never caused her to look like that.

Everything was clicking into place. It had only taken me setting my life on fire for it to happen, but if I'd known then what I knew now, I'd have done it years sooner.

"These can go on now, and then I'll get the meat started in a few. It won't take long, and then we can eat." Kendall slid the tray of veggies onto the grill.

Stanley came bounding out of the house, with Dak not far behind him.

"You've already had your dinner." Dak admonished when Stanley started to nose around the cooler.

"Something tells me that was just the first course." I said, kneeling down to pat Stanley's head. "Don't tell your dad, but I bought a little steak, just for you."

Dak was rolling his eyes when I stood, and Tyler strolled down the steps a moment later. The second he was within reach, Dak had his arm around him and was pressing a kiss to his temple.

It had been a whirlwind romance for them, Dak popping the question only three months into their relationship, but they seemed so sure about each other that no one had questioned it, especially Kendall, who was more than happy to see Dak married off.

Secretly, I thought the little flame of jealousy Kendall had over my friendship with Dak had never fully gone out, even though he knew he was the only guy I'd ever loved.

Things between Kendall and Jo had taken a lot longer to mend than any of the relationships in our lives, but eventually, even they had made up, and now Jo had a boyfriend she was getting serious with. She had met a new guy a couple of months after Kendall broke up with her. The two of them fought more than any couple I'd ever met, but they seemed to love each other just as passionately.

I took a seat in one of the chairs at the edge of the deck and lifted my beer bottle to my lips, letting the cool liquid wash down my throat. I didn't even bother fighting my smile as I watched Carlos and Logan arguing with Lucy over something I was sure was ridiculous.

All of our friends were here. All the people most important to us in our lives.

I felt a renewed surge of happiness run through me. I didn't know what I'd ever done to get so lucky, but I sure as shit wasn't going to question it now.

"Food's ready." Kendall announced, wielding the oversized BBQ spatula like a fucking scepter, as though he were the king of the barbecue.

Everyone dished up, and we all spent the next hour stuffing our faces and talking around the bonfire Kendall had built.

After dinner, I carried the plates back into the house, setting them into the sink. I paused, staring out the window at all our friends, laughing, relaxed and happy on the sand.

"Hey." Kendall's arms came around me from behind, and I leaned back into him.

"Hey yourself."

"Having fun?" He kissed down the side of my neck, sending shivers through me.

My reaction to Kendall hadn't dimmed in the slightest in all the time we'd been together. His touch still made me crazy with wanting him, and I didn't think there'd ever be a day when it wouldn't affect me just as intensely.

I turned, leaning my back against the counter and winding my arms around his neck before pulling him into a kiss. He deepened it immediately, bending me backward and holding me tight as he slid his tongue against mine.

"Even more fun now." I said when he broke the kiss.

He laughed. "Good. There's more where that came from."

"I'm counting on it." I kissed him. "I'm happy we did this."

"Me too. We have a lot to celebrate."

"So much."

The little red house on the dead-end street had become more of a home to me than any other place I'd lived, and just when I thought things couldn't get any better for us, Gramps had called. He let Kendall know that he'd decided to move to Arizona, and since he was leaving the state, he was planning to sell the cabin.

My immediate reaction was sadness at the thought of losing the cabin. I couldn't handle the thought of never being able to go back, but then Kendall had explained that Gramps wanted to offer it to him before he put it on the market.

We'd jumped at the chance.

The sale had gone through quickly, and I'd nearly cried when Kendall showed me the paperwork. It wasn't just his name on the deed. It was mine too. This place was such an integral part of our lives. The place we'd spent our summers as kids, and then the place that we'd really fallen in love with each other.

And now it was ours.

A year ago, when Kendall had kissed me for the first time, I didn't think life could get any better than that. I had no idea at the time how much better it could be.

We had worked through a lot of our stuff, and Kendall and I had both come out to our friends and family, one at a time, hand in hand. It had been a difficult process for both of us, but we'd been lucky too. Everyone-friends and family alike-had been nothing but supportive, and now we were here, throwing a housewarming party in the place that was most important to us, loving each other out in the open.

I exhaled, taking a moment to appreciate how fortunate we were.

We had a lifetime of happiness ahead of us, and I couldn't have asked for more.

* * *

 **Done! So, of course Kames got their happy ending!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and story in general, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I had so much fun with this story, and I'm so thankful to each and every one of you for your support and for taking this journey with me! I have a couple of other stories currently going that are also coming to an end, but I hope to see you all on the next journey in the new year! :)**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


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